Jeffrey Henderson Won’t Blow
January 11, 2009 by Jaded
Cambria, NY–Some stories, they write themselves…and this is one of them. Jeffrey R. Henderson, 21, was kind, and drunk, enough to start my week with a giggle. It all started when Jeffrey’s car started smoking……
A woman called 911 Wednesday evening to report that Henderson was passed out it his parked car, the engine still running. There was smoke coming from under the hood and it looked like it was about to start blazing. The woman figured it would be a good idea to get the drunk guy out and away from the car. She said it took a bit of effort, but she was finally able to rouse Henderson from his drunken slumber. ‘Your car…it’s about to blow,’ she said. To which Henderson replied, ‘All right.’ And he exited the vehicle.
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crews soon arrived at the scene. After the fire was put out, the interview began. It went something like this…and please note, Henderson’s lines are all verbatim.
‘Mr. Henderson, sir, would you care to explain what happened?’
‘My fucking car almost blew up, man. I could have fucking died!’
‘Well, where were you heading before this little mishap?’
‘I got the serious munchies, and I was driving to Micky D’s for a little snack.’
‘Ok. Gotcha. Was there anyone else in the car with you?
No, I had a group of midgets with me who ran away when you got here. Yeah, I was fucking alone, dude. Do you see anyone else?’
‘Now, now Mr. Henderson. There is no need to get all touchy, ok? By chance, have you been drinking this evening?’
Uh, hello, yeah, I was fucking drinking. I almost died, dude, and you ask me that shit? I wasn’t driving, if that’s what you’re getting at, dude. Nice try, good police work.’
‘Mr. Henderson, I’m going to ask you to commit a series of sobriety tests now.’ After failing several of the most basic tests, Henderson was asked to perform a breathalyzer test.
‘Dude, I don’t blow into long tube-shaped things. You have at it if you like blowing.’
After being taken into custody, Henderson later blew a 0.23. He also felt an apology was in order. ‘It was just the liquor talking back there, dude. I won’t give you guys a hard time anymore.’ And those big meanies charged him with DWI and driving on a restricted license. He was held on $250 and later bonded out.
11:24 am on January 11th, 2009
Hehhhhhhh. He sounds like fun at parties. Except for the driving part. And the part where he’s kind of an asshole. And the part where he made all the little people run away, probably because he kept calling them “midgets”.
See, if you piss off your dwarf designated driver, and then you pass out in the driver’s seat. all manner of hell and mayhem can rain down on you.
12:00 pm on January 11th, 2009
he’s an ass, but that’s funny. I can’t wait until he googles himself =P
12:19 pm on January 11th, 2009
I love finding a story like this that makes me laugh out loud!…LMAO!! too funny, thanks!
2:38 pm on January 11th, 2009
Dude, I don’t blow into long tube-shaped things. You have at it if you like blowing.’
Good thing he didn’t say, “I thought you’d never ask me to blow into your long tube-shaped thing.”
lol, what a true drunkard.
Great story and glad noone got hurt
4:14 pm on January 11th, 2009
Thanks for the laugh; I needed one!
5:33 pm on January 11th, 2009
Drunk – yeah – annnnnnnd? Munchies DON’T go hand in hand with alcohol —- but they DO go nicely with some Mary Jane! That’s why he doesn’t like blowing — he’s hooked on SUCKING the bongage!!! hehehe.
Way to go “dude”! Next time, leave the alcohol alone, pick up your munchies BEFORE you smoke and hide your car keys from yourself!
12:08 pm on January 12th, 2009
Like dude, you should’ve had a pizza delivered.
thanks Jaded, we need a little relief now & then
2:02 pm on January 12th, 2009
I know that Mickey D munchies get you all the time
5:09 pm on January 12th, 2009
GOD DAMN!! Midgets and the muchies will get in trouble everytime. It’s like hookers and blow.
9:30 am on January 13th, 2009
biteme- hahahahaha….when I was reading the “headed to get some munchies” part I was totally thinking “Dude, dominos delivers!!! You took the words from my mouth!!
11:11 am on March 25th, 2009
I`M THINKING MAN THIS DUDE IS WEIRD!!!!! HE SHOULD BE A COMEDIAN!!!!
7:26 am on April 21st, 2009
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