Good day, sickos. I want to thank all of you for your calls and emails inquiring about my well-being and offering sex at various public parks. But fear not, I am just on a much-deserved, much-needed vacation. Although I am off this week, I will be writing up some stuff off and on while finally being able to focus on some DD house cleaning. I'll also have time to respond to some of you interested in writing. In the meantime, be sure to check out the forums for the latest in terrible news.

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wood chipperDAVIE, FL – It’s been awhile since we’ve reported on a wood chipper death, but a man was killed yesterday afternoon after being pulled through one.

At around 4:15 p.m., the landscaper was pulled through a wood chipper as he and two co-workers cleared debris in a residential neighborhood. One resident described seeing one of the workers running down the street after the incident.

“He was obviously extremely distraught, yelling and flailing his arms around, screaming to another co-worker at a nearby fence and collapsed against it, his knees buckled,” said Cheryl Appel.

Police were called but there was little they could do as the poor bastard that goes through one of these machines completely, gets to experience “total morselization.”

“I’ve been in police work 20 years. I’ve never seen anything like this,” said Capt. Dale Engle with Davie police. “It was a gruesome scene.” Police have not officially identified the man and ave not released the name of the man’s employer because family members had not yet been notified.…

Amanda EzraOSCEOLA, IN - Police say 24-year-old Amanda Ezra was killed early Sunday morning when her head struck something after she leaned out of the passenger window to vomit.

According to police, Ezra was riding in a minivan with four other people at around 4:40 a.m. when the freak accident occurred. The mother of three had been drinking at a party and was sitting on the lap of a front seat passenger. When she began to feel sick and stuck her head out the window to throw up, her head struck a telephone pole.

After the accident, the driver and one of the other passengers fled the scene but were apprehended later. The driver, a man in his 20s, has been charged with operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated, causing serious bodily injury and leaving the scene of an accident.

“You’ve got a 24-year-old child, you’ve raised to be a young adult and has their whole life ahead of them and it’s snuffed out because of a decision that was made and because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time,” said Michelle Lyman, who lives near the crash site.…

groceriesHOUSTON, TX – Moments after a woman crashed into a tree and died on impact, thieves stole her groceries while her two children were still in vehicle.

Houston police say a 23-year-old woman was driving a Toyota 4-runner in rush hour with her two sons – ages 6 and 4 – in the backseat. She was headed home after attending her younger son’s graduation and making a stop at the grocery store.

For reasons unknown at this time, she lost control of her SUV and collided with another car before crashing head-on into a tree. The woman was not wearing her seat belt and died on impact. Her two sons were wearing their seat belts and were taken to the hospital suffering from broken bones but no life-threatening injuries.

But what makes this story DD worthy is because of what some people on the scene did in the moments immediately after the crash. According to witnesses, thieves took this opportunity to steal groceries from the vehicle  while the woman sat dead in the driver’s seat with her kids injured in the backseat.…

pool floatCOLUMBUS, OH – While guests at a one-year-old’s birthday party sang Happy Birthday to You, 4-year-old Sinaia Moore drowned in the pool.

The party took place Saturday evening at a home where 75 to 100 people were in attendance. Investigators say Moore had been swimming in the in-ground pool while wearing a float vest.

Her family members say they thought the girl went inside or to play on the trampoline after getting out of the pool, but she’d actually gotten back into the pool without wearing any safety gear.

After a crowd of people sang happy birthday to the one-year-old, someone noticed Moore at the bottom of the pool in around 4 feet of water. She was unresponsive when she was pulled from the water and CPR was immediately administered.

Sadly, it wasn’t enough. The girl was rushed to Nationwide Children’s Hospital where she would be pronounced dead a short time later.

No charges are expected to be filed as police deem the girl’s death nothing more than a tragic accident.…

Jim KarrCHICAGO, IL – Jim Karr, a well known figure in the specialty coffee community, died on Saturday after a commercial coffee machine he was taking down fell on top of him.

The 48-year-old was at an event at Grant Park dismantling the coffee machine when he lost his balance. Karr grabbed the machine to prevent from falling and the machine fell on top of his head and body, said police.

He was taken to Northwestern Memorial Hospital where he was pronounced dead a short time later from multiple crushing injuries to his head and chest. His death was ruled an accident, according to the medical examiner’s office.

From what I can gather, Karr was kind of a big deal within the coffee community. He was a technician who installed, repaired and modified coffee brewing equipment, and considered by some as the best in the country. His company, SteamVolt, was dedicated to “advancing the mechanics of craft coffee.”

“In terms of the work Jim did, he was one of the very few in the country that was known as being a top expert at what he did,” said Nicholas Cho, of Wrecking Ball Coffee Roasters.…

Chance WernerBARTOW COUNTY, GA – Authorities say 18-year-old Chance Werner drowned while playing a shopping cart game at Lake Allatoona.

A spokesperson for the Georgia Department of Natural Resources says that Werner and some friends were playing a game at Holiday Harbor Marina Saturday night that involved being pushed off a dock while riding inside a shopping cart.

Normally, the cart is tied to a pole so the rider would “pop” out of the cart as it was forcefully pushed off the dock and the person would simply swim back to the dock. But when Werner took his turn, he opted to have the cart tied to his belt loop instead.

Sadly, things didn’t go quite as planned. The weight of the cart ended up pulling the teen 30 feet below the surface of the lake and he was unable to break free. I did a little checking, and it turns out that an average shopping cart weighs around 30 pounds.

Rescue teams wouldn’t recover Werner’s body until three hours later. When found, he was still tied to the cart.…

Taylor KellyHONEA PATH, SC – Police in South Carolina have arrested 18-year-old Taylor Kelly after they say she killed a man while testing out the effectiveness of a bulletproof vest.

You are reading this here, so you’ve probably guessed things didn’t work out too well.

Anderson County deputies received a call at 2:41 a.m. Wednesday morning from a home where eight to 10 friends had gathered. When they arrived on the scene, they found 26-year-old Blake Wardell lying in the garage with a single gunshot wound to the chest.

Police would learn that the shooting was no accident, and that Wardell was a willing participant. According to police, the people hanging out in the home came up with a great way to test the effectiveness of an old flak jacket.

Instead of putting the vest against a tree or something, Wardell decided to put it on and have Kelly fire a gun at him. Unfortunately for everyone involved, aside from the overall gene pool, Darwinism ensured the bullet passed through a seam in the vest and directly into Wardell’s chest.…

Jacqueline StackhouseELIMSPORT, PA – A man hosted a get-together at his cabin Friday night slept in his truck only to find the bodies the next morning when he woke up.

State police said that the deceased, Nathan Reese, 30; Jacqueline Stackhouse, 23; Austin Cousins, 3, Stackhouse’s son; Cadee Hawkins, 4; and Nariah Hawkins, 8, all had lethal amounts of carbon monoxide in their systems.

The source of the carbon monoxide came from an improperly ventialted propane heater located inside the 10-foot by 16-foot cabin.

The mother of the two girls left the cabin with another woman at around 5 a.m. that morning. Although alcohol was found inside the cabin, police say there is no evidence to support criminal charges against the mother.

Relatives of the victims watched near the cabin as authorities investigated, including the mother of the two girls. “It was a hysterical scene, especially for the parents of some of the victims,” State Police Capt. David Young.

Fir Chief Brett Ulrich said he wants to let people know how to use propane tanks properly to prevent another tragedy.…

bad fortune cookieHOUSTON, TX – We now have another horrific way to die at work to add to our growing list: falling into the dough mixing machine at a fortune cookie factory.

Investigators say that on Sunday, an employee at the Wonton Food Company found a co-worker, 26-year-old Oscar Barrera, inside an industrial dough mixer.

The Harris County Institute of Forensic Sciences would later state the cause of Barrera’s death was multiple blunt force injuries. Police do not believe foul play was involved and have ruled the death an accident.

Over the last 10 years, we have reported on the horrendous workplace deaths of many people who, like most of us, were just working for the weekend. But Barrera may have been one of the lucky ones.

Getting beat to death inside an industrial dough mixer seems a lot better than being pulled into an asphalt grinder, or being cooked to death in an industrial tuna steamer, or dying from an exploding beer keg, or falling into a wood chipper, or suffocating in a manure pit, or being crushed in an industrial paper rolling machine, or cooking to death in an industrial dryer, or suffocating in a pile of pinto beans, or dying in a vat of boiling chocolate, or falling into an industrial meat grinder.…

Courtney SandfordHIGH POINT, NC — Investigators say seconds before 32-year-old Courtney Sanford died in a head-on collision with a truck, she was posting on Facebook.

The collision happened Thursday morning on Business 85 when Sanford crossed the center median and hit a large commercial truck driven by 73-year-old John Wallace Thompson. The impact caused the truck to go off the road and hit a tree, while Sanford’s vehicle went off the road and caught fire. Thompson was not injured.

Later that day, investigators were contacted by Sanford’s friends and family who told them Sanford had been posting on Facebook right around the time of the crash. Turns out Sanford’s last post to Facebook was right before the accident and was about liking Pharrell’s hit song “Happy”.

“The Facebook text happened at 8:33 a.m. We got the call on the wreck at 8:34 a.m.,” said Lt. Chris Weisner, with the High Point Police Department. Investigators say the Facebook post read: “The happy song makes me HAPPY.” Her posting activity also revealed Sanford had been posting selfies as she drove down the road.…

rotten eggKnoxville, TN – A woman having an Easter egg hunt in her backyard with her 4-year-old discovered the decomposing corpse of a homeless man under her deck.

Tara Hanouskova said she’d noticed a foul odor in her backyard for several days but had been unable to locate the source. When a man came to cut her grass, she asked if he could find the source but he was unable to as well.

It wasn’t until Wednesday evening, during an Easter egg hunt with her son that Hanouskova was able topinpoint the source of the bad smell. While hunting for eggs, she saw a pair of tennis shoes under her deck.

The tennis shoes were attached to the decomposing body of 29-year-old Joshua Grubb, a homeless man who apparently crawled up under her deck and died.

Officials believe Grubb died under the deck two weeks ago of natural causes, but they are still waiting on autopsy results. Police believe Grubb’s body went unnoticed for so long because Hanouskova’s deck is large, and the area where Grubb was found is dark and narrow.…

Keane Grace Wallis-BennettEdinburgh – On Tuesday, 12-year-old Keane Wallis-Bennett was killed when an internal wall inside the gym at Liberton High School collapsed on top of her.

Keane suffered major upper-body injuries when a wall next to the showers in the gym collapsed on top of her as she changed for PE. Witnesses stated she screamed that she could hear something falling, but she was unable to get out of the way.

Staff and emergency services were unable to save her and Keane was pronounced dead at the scene. Police and health and safety officials have began investigating the circumstances surrounding Keane’s death and how the wall, built as a partition, collapsed.

The school had been surveyed by Edinburgh City Council and found to need ‘significant’ work. The local authorities did not have the money needed to fix all the problems found with all of their schools at once, so they adopted a “prioritization” scheme. This led to Liberton High being placed behind other schools needing work.

The wall that collapsed was not identified as a problem when the school was surveyed, but students said the wall had been “wobbly” for months and that they’d warned teachers about it.…

Jenna BettiMartinez, CA – I can not imagine what the friends and family of 14-year-old Jenna Betti are going through today after the teen was struck and killed by a train while trying to retrieve a cell phone she’d dropped on the tracks.

According to the girl’s mother, Jenna had been sitting on the tracks with her boyfriend Sunday afternoon when a train approached. Her boyfriend jumped off on one side of the tracks, Jenna on the other.

‘Today my beautiful daughter kissed us goodbye. She was tragically killed today by a train,” Jenna’s mother wrote on Facebook. “She was sitting on the train tracks with her boyfriend… Why they made such a horrible decision we’ll never know.”

Jenna’s second horrible decision was apparently going back to retrieve her cell phone she’d dropped when she jumped off the tracks. “She didn’t judge the approach, and the train creates a vacuum, we were told, and it sucks you in,” her mother posted. Jenna was killed after being struck by the Burlington Northern Santa Fe Railway freight train.…

Andrew NorrisWilloughby Hills, OH – Last Thursday, 19-year-old Andrew Norris was found dead and frozen inside his pickup truck parked in his parents’ driveway.

Norris was last seen by his parents on Tuesday, but they thought he was staying with a friend. On Thursday afternoon, his stepmother found him slumped over in the front seat of his pickup truck parked in the driveway. According to reports, it was hard to see him inside the truck from the outside.

Police are waiting on autopsy results to find out exactly how Norris died and how long he may been in the truck. There was no evidence of foul play and no signs of drugs or alcohol being involved. His family said Norris frequently spent long periods of time inside the truck using his cell phone to talk with friends.

Ohio is one of many states experiencing freezing temperatures lately and on the day he was found, temperatures in the area had dropped in the low zero degrees. I guess it’s possible he went to the truck to use his phone and wait for his friend to get him, and succumbed to the cold.…

QueefCOWANSVILLE, PA – Every now and then a story comes along with enough wtf that there is little I need to do but report the facts. This story about a teen who “expelled wind from the vulva during coitus” inside a school bus is one of those stories. Enjoy!

An 18-year-old girl was cited for harassment after she allegedly elbowed a 13-year-old boy in the nuts inside a Pennsylvania school bus. She was angry with the boy because he laughed at her for queefing while she had sex with another student at the back of the bus.

According to Trooper Jordan’s original report:

“Both the victim and the accused were riding school bus. The accused expelled wind from the vulva during coitus while at the back of the bus. The victim began to laugh and chuckled at the accused for her actions. The accused approached the victim and elbowed him in the testicles. Accused was cited for harassment.”

Trooper Jordan said that while his original report was accurate, his superiors deemed it a bit too detailed and had him modify it.…

Jessica BurlewGLENDALE, AZ – Police have accused 16-year-old Jessica Burlew of killing her 43-year-old boyfriend during some kinky foreplay that included strangulation.

According to Burlew, she and Jason Ash liked to engage in strangulation and cutting during sex, but she took things a little too far last Saturday. Everything was going ok until she wrapped some electrical wire around Ash’s neck and choked him for a tad too long, killing the guy.

At first Burlew though Ash had simply passed out, so she tried to get him to wake up by cutting him with a razor. When that didn’t work, she did the next best thing and used the razor to start cutting herself. Eventually Burlew realized that also wasn’t working, and called her mother to inform her Ash was dead.

When her mother arrived at the apartment, she found Ash dead on the bed with a cord around his neck. He was fully clothed but his pants were unbuttoned. Able to handle stressful situations better than her daughter, she called 911 and tried performing CPR instead of conducting an interpretive dance and punching Ash in the crotch.…

Amber and ZacharyBERTIE COUNTY, NC – A 13-year-old boy was electrocuted after his mother crashed into a utility pole.

Amber Osborne was driving to the Hertford County Recreation Center on Saturday when she ran off the road and struck a utility pole which fell to the ground. There were six other people in her SUV, including her 13-year-old son, Zachary Stoyer. They had been on their way to Stoyer’s basketball game.

Osborne told police that after the crash, she got out of the vehicle and felt a shock in her feet and legs. As she was warning her passengers to stay in the vehicle, her son got out and came into contact with a downed power line.

The poor kid was electrocuted and immediately fell face first onto the ground. Attempts were made to resuscitate the boy, but he was pronounced dead at the hospital.

No one else was injured. Police interviewed Amber at the hospital, but at this time it hasn’t been determined if Amber will face any charges.

We’ve posted a couple stories similar to this one.…

Ken HoangChicago, IL – Two people are dead and one is injured after one man tried retrieving a dropped cell phone and they all ended up falling through the ice of the Chicago River.

Shortly after midnight, 26-year-old Ken Hoang of dropped his cell phone as he and two friends walked along Water Street near McClurg Court. The phone ended up in the partially frozen Chicago River and Hoang jumped a fence in an attempt to retrieve it.

He ended up falling through the ice and his two friends, 23-year-old Quoc-Viet Phan Hoang and 21-year-old Lauren Li, ended up in the river with him when they both tried to help him. Witnesses called police after they heard one of the two men yelling for help.

“My friend said he heard a yell [for] help, you know. At first I didn’t believe it, so we still kept walking this way to keep sightseeing. As we got closer, he heard it again and I heard it again, too. And as we got closer, we yelled out, ‘Where you at?'” witness Luis said.…


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