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goat headCHICAGO, IL – Let it not be said that superstition and lore have no place in modern-day baseball, as evidenced by Cubs chairman Tom Ricketts receiving a package in the mail at Wrigley Field on Wednesday afternoon. The contents? A severed goat’s head.

The goat’s head, in all likelihood, is a reference to the infamous curse of the billy goat, a piece of baseball history that dates back to the 1945 World Series, and an incident in which Sam Sianis, a Cubs fan, was asked to leave a game against the rival Detroit Tigers due to the smell of his billy goat. Lost in years of retelling is whether the goat was the man’s date, or had its own ticket.

According to Julian Green, a team spokesman, a package was dropped at Wrigley Field’s Gate K on Wednesday, addressed to Ricketts. The package was apparently delivered by an unknown person, and did not appear to have been delivered by the USPS. Police were called at around 2:30, when it was determined that officials had on their hands an, “intimidating package.” Bet that was a heckuva phone call.…

FORT LEE, N.J. — A 16-year-old boy was killed Friday night after he stuck his head outside a double-decker party bus and struck the underside of a highway overpass.

Daniel Fernandez was with 65 other teens in a party bus headed towards a Sweet 16 party in New Jersey. The bus was crossing the George Washington Bridge from New York when Fernandez stuck his head out of an emergency hatch located in the roof of the bus, and his head hit the Fletcher Avenue Underpass.

The security guard on the bus says he told the teens, multiple times, to quit messing with the hatch. “I told them not to open the hatch, like three or four times, but kids, they don’t understand,” said 41-year-old Alex Franco.

Franco says that the incident happened when he walked downstairs to tell the driver it was getting too hot in the bus. That’s when he said he heard people screaming and ran back upstairs to see what happened and saw Fernandez laying on the floor covered in blood.…

RAWDON, Quebec — A new bride was swept into a river and drowned while posing for pictures in her wedding dress.

Last week, 30-year-old Maria Pantazopoulos drowned while posing for “Trash the Dress” wedding pictures in the Ouareau River. When the subject of marriage ever comes up, I always suffer from a reaction akin to a vampire exposed to sunlight, so I was not aware of the “Trash the Dress” phenomena some recently married women partake in.

For those of you unaware, “Trash the Dress” is a a style of wedding photography that details a bride destroying her wedding dress instead of letting it rot in a closet while she slowly destroys a man’s soul. New bride’s will wear their dress one last time while on a beach, garbage dumps, fields, or abandoned buildings. A simple Google search pulls up tons of such images.

In the case of Pantazopoulos, the photographer she hired suggested a shoot at the Ouareau River. One account states she was standing on a rocky area in about a foot of water when her dress became so heavy from getting wet that she was pulled off the rocks and into the river.…

Los Angeles, CA — Two women in Los Angeles were fatally electrocuted Wednesday night while trying to help a car crash victim.

The crash happened around 8:30 p.m. in the San Fernando Valley region of Los Angeles, where an SUV crashed into a fire hydrant and then a light pole which knocked down a power line. The water shooting out of the busted hydrant pooled around the vehicle, hiding the live electrical wires that were left exposed.

As neighbors and rubberneckers began converging on the scene, a woman who lived in a house nearby ran to help the man in the vehicle, only to be electrocuted as soon as she stepped into the pool of electrified water.

“She walked, stepped in the water, fell back on her back with her arms straight out, and then I ran back to the house to get my mom and came back. Another lady supposedly was reaching in to help her got shocked too, and they were trying to help her and everybody was like stand back, don’t touch the water,” a witness, Christie Vergini, told Fox LA.…

Columbus, OH — A 15-year-old boy in Ohio had to be admitted to the hospital after spending four days in his room playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 on his Xbox.

Tyler Rigsby spent the majority of the weekend in his room playing the game, only coming out sporadically to get a snack, use the bathroom or take a quick shower. He did not stop his gaming marathon until Teusday when he accompanied his mother to his aunt’s house. That’s where Tyler collapsed several times before being taken to the hospital.

“It’s like he was looking at me but he wasn’t there. It was like he was looking through me,” says Jennifer Thompson, Tyler’s aunt. “We were talking and I heard a thump and I looked over and he just fell.”

They called 911 when they noticed he was very pale and his lips had turned an interesting shade of blue. Paramedics rushed Tyler to the hospital where they discovered he was suffering from severe dehydration and was hooked up to an IV and pumped with the fluids he was lacking, .…

MAINE TOWNSHIP, Ill. — Reports are that last week an 18-month-old girl in Illinois lost a fingertip to the family’s pet piranha.

The girl’s mother said she heard her daughter crying and found her with a bleeding finger that was missing the tip. At first she thought the family’s pit bull may have been the culprit, because you know, it’s a pit bull.She would learn this was not the case after 911 was called and the girl was rushed to the hospital.

The doctor who examined the girl said her injury could not have come from the 65-pound dog, but the culprit could have been one of the two piranhas swimming in a tank near where the girl had been playing. Authorities called the girl’s father, who was still at home, and informed them of their suspicions.

Without hesitation, the father plunged his hand in the tank, snagged one of the fish and cut it open. There, inside the piranha, was his daughter’s missing fingertip. The upset father delivered the piece to the doctors, who attempted to re-attach it to his daughter.…

Miami, FL — Another story in the news today that includes an x-ray of an object piercing straight through someone’s skull.

In this incident, 16-year-old Yasser Lopez was preparing to go fishing with a friend when a spear gun his friend was packing accidentally discharged. The three-foot spear entered above Lopez’s left eye and lodged in his head–after passing completely through his brain.

“It was about one inch above his right eye straight through,” said trauma surgeon Dr. George Garcia. “You could feel the tip under the skin on the posterior part of the skull.”

The miraculous thing is that Lopez did not die immediately, but somehow the spear missed every major blood vessel in his brain. The teen also got lucky in that the spear went through the right side of the brain, the side that does not control speech.

But surviving a spear to the brain without dying is only part of the issue. the other part is doctor’s being able to remove the damn thing without killing Yasser or causing him more serious injuries.…

DEEP GAP, N.C. — Here’s a tragic story out of North Carolina where a 4-year-old girl was killed last Friday after a tombstone fell on top of her.

While waiting on Vacation Bible School classes to begin, Peyton Elizabeth Townsend and her older sister were with several other children playing in the backyard of Mt. Paran Baptist Church. The church’s backyard doubles as a small cemetery where about two dozen people are buried.

As the children were running around the graves, a stone cross–estimated to weigh anywhere from 1,000 to 1,200 pounds–somehow fell off a tombstone and landed on top of Peyton’s chest.

Peyton’s parents where there at the time of the freak accident. Her father is a paramedic, her mother a nurse, and both of them frantically tried saving their daughter’s life after moving Peyton from underneath the stone slab. Peyton was airlifted to Johnson City Medical Center in Tennessee where she later died.

Seth Miller, a member of the church, said the grave belonged to his cousin.

“There’s no more smiling or thinking of good things after this,” said Miller.…

Mexico City — Police say that seven people have been arrested after a 5-year-old boy had his eyes gouged out by his own mother during a drug-fueled ritual.

The horrific incident happened during a ritual inside a home in Nezahualcoyotl that involved several of the boys relatives and involved the taking of an unspecified drug. One witness who was there said they had taken the drug and fell unconscious. When they came to, the boy’s eyeballs had already been removed.

Investigators believe the mother removed her son’s eyes with her bare fingers because the boy refused to close them during the ceremony. After realizing what had happened, one of the participants ran out and flagged down a passing police car.

When the officers entered the home they found the mother in shock with her son in her arms.

“Once the woman allowed local police to check the boy, they were astonished to see the boy had no eyeballs,” the government said in a statement.

The boy was rushed to the local hospital in serious condition, but later transported by helicopter to a more specialized facility.…

Elko, B.C. — An intoxicated man in his 20s is very lucky to be alive after passing out on a railway near Elko, British Columbia, and then being run over by a train.

It was a long weekend here in Canada and this guy was doing what we Canadians do best, drink beer and camp out. The Alberta resident had apparently wandered to the tracks after imbibing heavily. The man’s choice in bedding, however, was ill-advised to say the least.

A Canadian Pacific Railway engineer noticed the man laying between the rails ahead of the train, sounded the whistle, and attempted to stop. But by the time the heavily loaded train was finally came to rest, the locomotive and 26 cars had already passed over the man laying on the tracks.

Expecting to find a gory mess, the CP Rail engineers investigated and got an even bigger shock when they found the man still intact — and still sleeping. After one of the engineers grabbed the man’s arm, he woke up.…

WAUKEGAN, IL — The father in Illinois who used a needle and thread to sew his teenage son’s ass shut has avoided jail time by taking a plea.

Back in 2008, 52-year-old Randy Swopes employed a particularly crude home remedy on his 14-year-old son’s ass that ended with his son staying in the hospital for a spell and him getting charged with aggravated battery.

The boy suffers from Crohn’s Disease and at the time of the incident he was also suffering from a fistula. I’m guessing an anal fistula, which is not only a decent name for a death metal band, it is also very painful.

Instead of taking the boy to the hospital for treatment, Swopes went the ‘Tussin route and brought out some needle and thread that he used to sew his son’s butt shut.

Not surprisingly, this resulted in an infection that landed the boy in the hospital for a month and Swopes getting himself arrested.

Last Friday, Swopes represented himself in court and took an Alfred plea, the kind of plea where someone doesn’t have to plead guilty but admits that there is enough evidence to convict them.…

San Francisco, CA — It’s almost like the plot of a horror movie. A 25-year-old infectious disease worker left work Friday only to die the next day after being infected with the contagious bacteria he had been working with.

The man worked at the San Francisco Veterans Affairs Medical Center where, over the last few months, he had been working with a rare Neisseria meningitidis bacterial strain that causes septicemia and meningitis — both of which are nasty ways to go if left untreated.

Meningitis can lead to fever, headache, neck stiffness, coma and then death. By comparison, you would pray for this over septicemia, which is what investigators believe killed the man. Septicimia is inflammation of the bloodstream that causes bleeding into the skin and organs. A person unlucky enough to be afflicted with this blood poisoning can die very quickly from septic shock or ARDS.

Fellow employees described the man as competent and fully capable of handling the bacteria he was working with and the chief of the VA Hospital’s infectious diseases division said if the man had been working with the bacteria, he would have been wearing protective clothing from behind a protective safety cabinet or hood.…


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