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ELYRIA, Ohio — I’m sometimes aggravated by the person whose job it is to stand at the front of the door and check receipts, but it takes all of 30 seconds max to simply hold out my receipt and smile as they pretend to check it against my items. It’s not like they find the stuff I crammed in my pockets.

But one woman in Ohio, 49-year-old Toni Duncan, took things way too far back in March when a 71-year-old Walmart greeter asked to see her receipt as she was leaving the store. Already unhappy that customer service would not help her with another matter, Duncan became verbally abusive towards Alger Burchell and started yelling racial slurs at him. Witnesses say she hit him with her shopping cart before grabbing him by the throat.

Another employee intervened at which time Duncan went back to the customer service counter and threatened to punch an employee in the face. She then bragged to her pregnant daughter who was in the store with her, 23-year-old Ashley Jackson, that she had just “choked a cracker.”

Not content with letting her mother act like a jackass, Jackson would join in by threatening to blow up the store three times while also telling Burchell that  once her boyfriend found about the incident, he wouldn’t be alive to finish his shift.…

Uniontown, PA – Elaine Weimer, 50, is heading to jail after being convicted of using her 8-year-old granddaughter to help steal items from a Walmart store June of last year. Police said Weimer walked through the aisles of the Pennsylvania Walmart and took things off the shelves – making her granddaughter carry them.

When the two left the store, they were stopped by an employee. That’s when, according to investigators, Weimer told the employee that she did not know the girl. She then reportedly got in her car and left. Nice.

“She compounded the retail theft charge. By leaving the child at the location, she’s now facing additional criminal charges,” Trooper Scott Krofcheck said at the time of the arrest.

Police said the child identified her grandmother who was captured in surveillance video stuffing a Jeff Gordon hat and hair products into the granddaughter’s bags. According to police, Weimer also stole new clothes, a toothbrush, teeth whitening strips and anti-aging cream – all of which appeared sorely needed from video interviews.…

Alleged Flasher Tells Police WalMart Arouses Him

August 11, 2011 at 10:49 am by  

Monroe, LA — Travis Keen, 28, was arrested Tuesday after a witness reported seeing him driving through a WalMart parking lot with his schlong exposed for all to see.

According to the arrest affidavit, provided by the fine folks over at The Smoking Gun, an unidentified witness called police after gettin’ an eyeful of said schlong. The witness went on to say that as he followed Keen through the parking lot, he couldn’t help but notice that Keen would stop and stare whenever he saw a female in the lot.

When questioned by police, Keen initially claimed he was simply trying to figure out whether he had properly fixed the power steering on his Ford Taurus. When confronted with the witnesses statement, Keen fessed, reportedly telling the arresting officer that, yes, he did have his penis exposed. Why? Apparently because of ‘past experiences’ at the retail giant. See, according to what Keen told police, a visit to WalMart gives him wood.

Keen was booked on obscenity charges. He remains behind bars in lieu of $5,000 bail.…

Galveston, TX –– 20 year-old Austin Jones was arrested Monday after a violent outburst directed at a baby.

Tasers, bath salts, Walmart… these are a few of our favorite things.

The 11 month-old, sitting in a shopping cart pushed by her 24 year-old mother, was just minding her own damn baby business (you know… sucking thumbs, making unintelligible mouth-noises and plotting an inconvenient time to crap in her diaper) when Jones walked through the entrance behind them.

Detective Michelle Sollenberger of the Galveston Police said, “As he approached, he was yelling and screaming at them about the baby. He grabbed the bed of her shopping cart the child was sitting in and started pulling and shaking the shopping cart. The mother kept it from completely flipping over on the child. The little girl had red marks on her legs from the shaking.”

As it happened, two retired police officers where nearby. After calling dispatch, they tried to detain him themselves, but he resisted (and continued to do so) as officers arrived.…

Indianapolis, IN — A man caught fappin’ in the ladies’ room at an Indianapolis WalMart reportedly told store security he “had a sex problem” and went into the bathroom “to look at the women” while masturbating.

20-year-old Brandon Jelks was busted after a woman visiting the facility told a store employee she believed there was a man in one of the stalls. The employee then peered under one of the stall doors and spotted a pair of blue patterned boxers around the ankles of what appeared to be a man’s shoes. In addition, the woman reported hearing some moaning noises and the sound of someone masturbating. She asked another associate to confirm that the sounds were, indeed, fappish in nature. The second associate confirmed the first associate’s suspicions and alerted store security.

Enter store security…an off-duty police officer. She, too, heard the moanin’ and fappin’ and noticed the boxer laden ankles behind the stall door. She peeked through a crack in the door and could see a male sitting on the toilet, but couldn’t tell exactly what said male was up to in there.…

PALM BAY, Fla. — Police say a woman originally from Saudi Arabia has been charged with a hate crime after spitting on Walmart shoppers.

It all started on Sunday when 21-year-old Nuha Mohammed Al-Doaifi tried entering the store through the exit and struck the door with her shopping cart. Another shopper told her she was trying to get in through the wrong door and Al-Doafi responded by spitting in their face. She then went into the store with her 2-year-old son to continue shopping.

While in the store, she also did what a lot of us think of doing while in a Walmart and spat at another customer who got too close to her, but missed. Workers were notified and security called police. At first police were going to charge Al-Doafi with battery, but they gave that charge a hate crime spritzer after she allegedly told police her reason for spitting on people was because “Americans are pushing us around.” Now her charge could be elevated to a felony.…

ELYRIA, Ohio — Here’s a mother-daughter duo who fit right in with the Walmart stereotypes.  Police say a pregnant woman and her mother were arrested after one choked and the other threatened a 71-year-old Walmart greeter while leaving the store.

Elyria police say 49-year-old Toni Duncan was asked to show a receipt Saturday when leaving the store. This is standard practice at Walmart, at least the one in my area. Duncan reportedly responded by yelling racial slurs, pushing a cart into the greeter, and grabbing his throat and choking him.

Her daughter, 21-year-old Ashley Jackson, then allegedly threatened to blow up the store. She also indicated to the greeter that he would be dead once her boyfriend found out about the incident. Police say Jackson threatened to punch another employee who came to the greeter’s aid. All of this over being asked to show a receipt… now that’s classy.

When police arrived, the two were found in the parking lot with two small children. Duncan reportedly admitted to choking the greeter, but added that she wanted to press charges against the WalMart employees.…

Dallas, TX — Police have filed murder charges against that prick who accidentally killed an elderly woman in a Walmart parking lot while stealing her purse.

Last Wednesday, 76-year-old Sabra Leavy was walking in the parking lot of a Dallas Walmart when she was called over to a truck driven by 28-year-old Rogelio Cazta Belmonte who reached out and grabbed Leavy’s purse. As Belmonte drove off, poor Leavy got tangled in her purse straps and was dragged for 40-yards. When she finally fell to the ground she was ran over by the truck’s rear wheel and left in the parking lot in a crumpled heap.

It would take three days, but Belmonte would graduate from being a lowly thief to a lowly, murdering thief on Saturday Leavy finally died from her injuries, injuries that included a shattered pelvis. Police would identify and arrest Belmonte on Saturday, charging him with capital murder. He was still in jail today on a half-million-dollar bond. Here’s surveillance footage posted to Youtube by Dallas police during their investigation.…

Statesville, NC –– An 83-year-old man has been arrested and charged with armed robbery after police say he robbed the Walmart store he worked at.

Police say that shortly before 7 p.m on Sunday, George Plane Jr., 83, was working his job as a Walmart greeter when he exited the store and went to his car. Their he retrieved a handgun and donned a mask before re-entering the store through the garden department (the only way to enter or exit a Walmart if you ask me.)

Once back inside, he put the gun up to a fellow employee’s head and demanded cash from the register. Before leaving with the cash, he allegedly fired a shot into the air. Witnesses followed Plane after he left in his vehicle and directed police to his location. After a brief standoff, Plane surrendered without incident.

Plane, who looks pretty damn good for his age, was subsequently charged with robbery with a dangerous weapon and discharging a firearm inside the city limits.…

Man Charged In WalMart Hatchet Attack

February 16, 2011 at 6:09 am by  

Quincy, MA — Kenneth Rosen has been ordered to undergo a psychiatric evaluation after allegedly threatening two men with a hatchet at a Quincy WalMart.

Quincy police Capt. John Dougan said Rosen became enraged when two men seated near him in the Subway restaurant inside the store asked him to turn down his radio Friday afternoon.

“He stood up and threw a tonic at them, then pulled out a hatchet with a foot-and-a-half long handle, waving and swinging it in the direction of their heads,” Dougan said.

And then, in what must have been an awe-inspiring show of complete badassery, Rosen reportedly slammed the hatchet down on the table where the men had been sitting, cutting a sandwich in half. “You want some of that?” he asked. I’m guessing their answer was no…

As Rosen was being escorted out by store security, police say he pulled out a folding knife and pointed it at them.

When an officer rolled up a short time later, Rosen was found walking down a nearby street with the hatchet holstered to his right hip.…

St. Cloud, FL — Police responded to the St. Cloud Wal-Mart just after 6:30 p.m on Friday after receiving a report of a kidnapping. According to authorities, a young boy at the store said he was approached by a heavy set white man with dark hair who threatened to stab him if he didn’t leave the store with him – the man did not show a weapon. The man reportedly drove the boy to the Home Depot parking lot next door and performed a sex act on himself. Police said the man did not expose himself to the child, nor did he touch the boy. After the alleged act, he returned the child to WalMart and the police were called. After viewing store surveillance video, police released a picture of the alleged perv, as well as a description of his vehicle. Early Sunday morning, after hearing he had been featured in local news reports as a suspect in the kidnapping of a minor, 55-year-old Gordon Libby turned himself in.…

ORANGE COUNTY, FL — The man who was chased out of a Florida Walmart by the mother of the child he flashed is a registered sex offender who has spent time in prison for…can you guess? If you guessed child related sex crimes then you would be correct. Shocker, right? At around 3 p.m. Sunday, a tall man with a ponytail opened his trench coat and exposed himself to a young girl at an Ocoee Walmart and took off  after the child’s mother tried to stop him. Using descriptions given by witnesses as well as surveillance footage, police have nabbed 43-year-old David Huffman, a transient, and charged him with lewd and lascivious exhibition to a child under 16. Huffman is no stranger to the legal system, having done time in prison on four occasions since 1988. This includes a conviction on a charge of sexual battery of a child under 12-years-old and two years in prison for failing to tell Orange County authorities that he was a sex offender. One of these days enough people will have had their children diddled by these repeat offenders to realize that euthanasia — my personal solution for repeat sex offenders — is the only punishment that truly guarantees, without any doubt, that a sex offender’s recidivism rate is exactly 0%.…


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