Andrew GettyHOLLYWOOD HILLS, CA — Andrew Getty, a grandson of J. Paul Getty, was found by his ex-girlfriend unconscious and naked from the waist down at his home, suffering from traumatic injuries to his rectal area.

Police received a 911 call Tuesday afternoon from Getty’s nutty ex-girlfriend, 32-year-old Lanessa De Jonge, after she discovered Getty unconscious in his bathroom.

Firefighters responded and declared Getty deceased. According to a law enforcement source, Getty was naked from the waist down, and bleeding from some type of blunt-force trauma.

Detectives have instructed the coroner’s office not to publicly disclose details about the case or Getty’s injuries, but TMZ is reporting that the blunt force trauma was to Getty’s rectal area.

LAPD Cmdr. Andrew Smith said that based on initial observations, “this does not appear immediately to be a criminal act.” The Los Angeles County Coroner’s office echoed these sentiments, saying that tentative information reveals that Getty died of either natural causes or an accident.

TMZ is also reporting that the LAPD have been to Getty’s residence 31 times, mostly for domestic disturbances between Getty and his ex-girlfriend. …

Christie BlackBULLS GAP, TN — This one happened last week while I was on vacation, but there was no way I was passing up a story about a woman wrecking her rectum with a toilet brush.

A woman was hospitalized last week after stealing $5,000 from her boyfriend and then trying to use a toilet brush to remove the stolen money from her ass.

Police were called to a home where a man said his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend, 43-year-old Christie Black, had stolen $5000 dollars. The man told police he’d suspected Black had been stealing from him so he set a trap for Black by placing two envelopes containing $5,000 in $100 bills in an old medicine bag that he then placed on a foosball table.

The man went to bed, only to wake up later to find Black was still awake and the medicine bag was missing. When he confronted Black about the missing money, Black reportedly became ill and puked up a baggy containing partially dissolved pills.

When he asked if his missing money would be coming up next, she explained that it might, just not from that end.…

Rickesha BurnsPhoenix, AZ – Police have arrested 21-year-old Rickesha Burns after they say she shoved a vibrator so far up her 2-year-old son’s ass, surgery is now required to remove it.

Burns called police Sunday to report that she was at a park with her son, and while she was “looking at a text message for about 10 seconds,” a 12-year-old boy she didn’t know at the park did something to her son, causing him to bleed from his anus.

After being brought to the hospital, doctors found the boy had numerous bruises around his anus, a “hanger type” bruise on his hip, and yet another bruise on his neck.

But that was nothing. After further investigating, doctor’s found that someone had shoved “a vibrator or some other sex toy” up the boy’s rectum. It was so far up the poor kid’s ass, he will have to have surgery to get it out.

The bruises around around the boy’s anus appear to have been caused when someone used a hangar, or something similar, to try and pry the vibrator out of the kid’s rectum.…

Salina, KS – Ivory Francois Jr., 35, was strip searched last May when reporting for weekend jail time as part his probation for not paying child support. During that search, correctional officers found a lip balm container in his rectum that was full of… lip balm.

Why would someone smuggle lip balm into jail? Francois maintained at sentencing that it was simply because he had chapped lips.

Charles Ault-Duell, an assistant county attorney, countered that, in a jail, a small plastic tube can be adapted to many uses, such as holding drugs or being broken and sharpened into a weapon – but even the prosecution acknowledged that Francois had asked earlier about bringing lip balm into the jail. At that time, he was reportedly warned by jail security officers that he could not bring it in.

Francois had been found guilty of trafficking contraband into a correctional facility in a bench trial in December. His sentencing was not a small matter. Because Francois has had multiple convictions for domestic battery, battery and nonsupport of children, state sentencing guidelines dictated a sentence of three years and seven months in prison.…

Prerov, CZ – An unidentified Czech thief was apprehended by store security after setting off the exit alarms. Security was reportedly able to make him produce a stolen pair of headphones ‘from his underwear,’ but the headphones did not have an embedded security device on them. They knew there was something more…

When police arrived, they searched the subject and found tube of lubricant called Indulona that had been stolen from the store and opened. According to reports, this caused the police to suspect that the MP4 player had been lubricated and then shoved in the suspect’s rectum.

“[On questioning,] the man admitted that the device was actually hidden inside his body,” deputy city police director Miroslav Snoot was reported as saying.

While security personnel and police waited, the suspect tried to produce the player,  but – being lubricated – the player wasn’t so easy to grab. I am not sure what “encouragement” was offered by the onlookers, but it must have been persuasive.

According to Snoot’s translated statement, “The suspect was initially unable to remove the contraband from his body.…

Albuquerque, NM — A friend of David Chavez, 27, caught Chavez in his back yard last week reportedly making off with a video game system, jewelry and prescription medication.

The friend and Chavez started to scuffle with the friend getting a firm hold of Chavez’ pants. Undeterred, Chavez simply worked his way out of the pants and made his way over a fence.

Police reported locating Chavez later ‘bleeding and disoriented.’ Chavez was taken to the hospital and an x-ray showed the stolen prescription medication to be deep inside his anal cavity.

Chavez is charged with burglary and evidence-tampering.

…and I am glad to now know that police-speak for shoving something really far up your ass is “evidence tampering.”…

Los Fresnos, TX — Police say four young friends between the ages of 13 and 14 are facing criminal charges after they allegedly sodomized another friend with a cell phone and videotaped the whole thing.

Cameron County Sheriff Omar Lucio said the incident happened last week while the group of friends were playing a game called ‘pants’. I’ve never heard of such a game before, but I guess it goes a little like this: Four friends gang up and drag another friend to the floor. Once said friend is down, his pants are removed and a cell phone is shoved up his ass. Oh, and to add to the hilarity, capture the entire incident on video – makes the prosecution’s job that much easier.

A teacher overheard a couple of students rehashing the incident and informed school administrators, who later contacted the sheriff’s department. Sheriff Lucio said detectives and a doctor determined the teen had been sexually assaulted. Family members, however, say the allegations against their children are false.

Tommy Godinez spoke on behalf of two of the accused teens’ families, and said there’s more to the story

Florence, CO – Donald Curtis Denney, a 56-year-old convicted felon, was arrested by FBI agents last Friday at the federal prison in Florence after plotting with his incarcerated son to smuggle drugs into the facility. Denney’s son, 29-year-old Donald aka “The Hard Hat Bandit” Denney, is serving 7-years for committing a series of bank robberies back in 2008. For two months, the two plotted and schemed while authorities listened and recorded. Authorities say the Denney’s came up with a brilliant plan: Dad would wrap a hefty chunk of black tar heroin in plastic and insert it into the finger portion of a rubber glove – he would then stick the entire package up his ass. At some point during visitation, Dad would retrieve said package from his bum, pop it into his mouth, and deliver it to his son via a mouth-to-mouth kiss. :puke: The pair figured they would each walk away with about $10,000 after the heroin was distributed to other inmates. Didn’t happen – after a thorough cavity search, the elder Denney was arrested inside the facility and charged with possession with intent to distribute.…

China – Sometimes a title just says it all. A 59-year old man died after being admitted to the hospital suffering from internal bleeding. The cause of which was found during an autopsy. In the man’s intestines doctors found a 20-inch Asian swamp eel. The eel had tore the shit of the mans bowels. Pun intended. The man’s friends finally admitted that after a bout of heavy drinking, they thought it would be funny to insert the eel into the man’s rectum after he had passed out. The worst thing that ever happened as a result of a prank we pulled on someone who passed out happened when we placed a tampon in a passed out guy’s mouth at a party. He kept it in there almost all night but at some point he begin chewing on it and it slipped down his throat a bit triggering his gag reflex. He puked upwards and the chunky fountain arced up a bit and on to his own face – that tampon sitting perfectly on his forehead.…

Woman To Doctor: ‘My Vagina Is Falling Out’

November 9, 2009 at 3:00 am by  

Kenmore, Washington – Ever read a headline that just makes you read the article attached to it even though you just know it isn’t a real good idea? Yeah, this story was mine. I had just enjoyed some Dragon Age and was eating a ham sandwich when I cam across an article about a woman whose insides were falling out of her through her vagina. Normally a story like that is one where I read it, gag, tell my co-workers about it and then try to scrub it out of my brain. But in this case the woman, 39-year-old Allison Henry, is being very candid about her medical condition and goes into full detail of what happened to her in hopes that she can help other women. The link to the full article is after the jump, but fellas, it includes things like this: “I was referred to a pelvic floor specialist. She took a look and said, ‘Holy crap — your vagina is falling out of your body, and it’s dragging your bladder and your rectum along with it!

Dummy Used The Wrong Crack For His Pipe

January 25, 2009 at 7:35 am by  

Shannon Schenck (Myspace)

Spring Hill, FL–This story originally hit the press a couple of months ago but was recently posted in the forums, and I just couldn’t pass it up. This guy not only deserves a Darwin award, he has rightfully earned a spot here on the Dreamin’ Demon.

Katrina Doyle Shouldn’t Be Breeding

November 25, 2008 at 7:48 am by  

Katrina Doyle at

Katrina Doyle’s Myspace

Port Richey, FL–Where, oh where, do I begin with this lovely lady? Let’s go back to Saturday. Katrina Doyle, 34, and her husband, David Pook were having an argument. The argument ended when Katrina stabbed her husband in the back of the head with a ballpoint pen. Ouch. The cops were called, Katrina was handcuffed and taken to jail. Pook followed, after he was released from the hospital that is. Please, read on…it gets better.…

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