LAS VEGAS, NV – Forget the WWE, forget MMA… if you want to see no-rules, no-hold-barred brutality, you don’t have to go further than the nearest Mickey D’s.

The customer isn’t always right. Sometimes you have to put them in their place. Sometimes you have to beat the shit out of them. At least that’s the operant management theory at this particular restaurant.

It all starts routinely enough: people are gorging themselves on McFoodProduct that is slowly killing them, disaffected employees are waiting for the school bell to ring, and a not-very-smart, too-cheap-for-her-own-good bit of fluff, Sabrinah Fontelar (pictured), is trying to pull the old “I just want a water cup so I can fill it with soda” routine.

The manager, Erika Chavolla, is wise to that old schtick, and shuts her down quick via the brilliant tactic of turning the soda machine right the hell off. That’s when the sparks start to fly, and that’s when our video starts.

Buffy Von Short-Shorts’ response is to go into a rage, hurling invectives, abuse, a McFry, and finally a McShake at the counter dwellers.…

JACKSONVILLE, FL – A Florida man was killed last week after he got tangled up in the machinery of the street sweeper he was operating.

The accident happened early Saturday morning in a McDonald’s parking lot when 49-year-old Robert Shiver apparently tried getting something out from under his sweeper.

A couple at the shopping center said they heard Shiver screaming for help and found Shiver partially stuck inside the sweeper’s vacuum system.

There was nothing that could be done for Shiver at the point because, according to the report, he was already dead.

Police are trying to figure out exactly how the accident happened, and hope that nearby surveillance cameras may help.

“Businesses in the area have some surveillance,” Sgt. Mark Musser of the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office said, “We’ll be reviewing that to see exactly what occurred. No foul play, it just appears to be a terrible accident at this point.”

The company that owns the sweeper, Countryside Power Sweeping, has declined to comment on Shiver’s death.

A GoFundMe account has been created to help the family pay for Shiver’s funeral.…

DES MOINES, IA – A woman has been charged after she was caught on video jumping the counter at a McDonald’s to assault an employee over a McChicken sandwich.

The fracas happened Saturday night after 21-year-old Valerie Shepherd and her two male companions arrived at the restaurant and ordered McChicken sandwiches.

Not happy with the length of time it was taken to get their food, the trio begins arguing with the McDonald’s employees while a woman in the drive-through was recording.

At one point one of the employees hands Shepherd her order, only to have Shepherd throw it back in their face. When one of the employees tried calling 911, Shepherd jumps on the counter and knocks the phone out of her hand.

That’s when the wild swingin’ and hair pullin’ begins and, it seems to me, the McDonald’s employee was having no issues with Shepherd. Had it not been for Shepherd’s two male friends coming around to separate the women, I am pretty sure Shepherd would have gotten her ass thoroughly kicked.…

James McLambSTAMFORD, CT – A 15-year-old boy and 22-year-old James McLamb have been charged with murder after the teen stabbed 52-year-old Antonio Muralles to death because he accidentally spilled coffee on them.

Muralles was exiting the McDonald’s on Bedford Street with a cup of coffee last week, when he bumped into the teen and accidentally spilled coffee on him.

Words were exchanged and the two suspects began to taunt Muralles and hit him with a stick before the teen pulled out a knife and stabbed Muralles.

“Without warning, he was viciously attacked and stabbed through the heart,” Capt. Richard Conklin said during a news conference. “A very heinous, tragic incident.”

Muralles collapsed on the sidewalk and was rushed to the hospital, but would die from his injuries after undergoing emergency surgery.

With the help of a narcotics informant, surveillance cameras, and members of the public that witnessed the incident, investigators were able to quickly identify three suspects.

Police would learn that McLamb, was already in custody in New Haven on an unrelated weapons charge.…

Latia HarrisSALEM, NJ – Loose lips may sink ships, but one woman in New Jersy learned that they may also get your face pummeled mercilessly while people stand around and watch.

There’s a video going around that shows a woman in a McDonald’s uniform delivering multiple blows to the face of a woman lying on the ground. The video also shows the victim’s small child kicking the attacker’s leg while a group of people stand around recording the beating.

It is now known that the woman who got her face rearranged is 27-year-old Catherine Ferreira. The person doing the rearranging is a former co-worker, 25-year-old Latia Harris, who is now wanted by police.

In the video, Harris punches, kicks and spits on Ferreira while yelling she could have lost her job. According to Ferreira, this was in reference to her making comments to co-workers regarding Harris’ alleged relationship with a supervisor at McDonalds.

Police got involved after reports came in about a woman covered in blood. When they arrived on the scene they found Ferreira bleeding from her face and acting dazed and confused.…

Sandra SuarezPinellas Park, FL — In a video recently posted to LiveLeak, a 41-year-old woman, clad in nothing but a thong, is seen rampaging through a Pinellas County McDonald’s, breaking and throwing shit before eating ice cream straight out of the machine.

According to the fine folks over at WFTS, Susan Suarez walked into the McDonald’s at about 7:00 the evening of March 24th and offered one of the employees oral sex. When the employee refused, Suarez apparently started smashing, ultimately causing more than $10,000 in damage.

In the video, which has since gone viral, Suarez is seen banging her dome on the counter, pushing registers to the floor, throwing food and other items, toppling drink dispensers and repeatedly opening and closing a refrigerator door. The pièce de résistance, though? Sucking ice cream right out of the machine. And ice cream apparently soothes even the most savage of beasts because Suarez cooled her shit right then.

Well, kinda. Police say she put up a bit of a fight while they were trying to detain her, kicking, licking and attempting to kiss the arresting officers.…

Ronald HendersonMemphis, TN — After brazenly following a woman into the women’s room at a McDonald’s restaurant Thursday, and attempting to reach out and grab her from under the stall door, this tubby skeeve could do little more than grunt and wiggle after getting himself stuck between the bottom of the door and the nasty floor.

The alleged victim told police she was using the toilet when Ronald Henderson’s derpy face appeared under the door. She screamed at him to get out, she said, but he kept coming… trying to grab her leg. At some point during this creepy fucking scene, Henderson got stuck. It was then that the victim made her escape.

No details about how or when Henderson managed to free himself from under the door, or if he was still there when police arrived, but after the victim positively identified him at the scene, Henderson was transported to jail. He’s been charged with assault and observation without consent. Bond was set at $100.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder if the police got the right man.…

Shaneka TorresGrand Rapids, MI — A 29-year-old woman is facing charges after allegedly poppin’ a cap in a McDonald’s drive thru window’s ass because the employees got her order wrong. Twice.

Shaneka Torres and an unidentified female placed their order at the drive thru early this morning, only to find out at the window that the employees had somehow screwed it up. I’m assuming a heated verbal altercation followed, because McDonald’s, and the two women were promised that their next meal would be free.

Police say the same two women visited the restaurant again at about 3:00 that same morning and placed another order. Again, the order was wrong. This time, though, the verbal altercation was escalated with a gun.

Police allege Torres reached over the driver of the vehicle and fired a bullet through the drive thru window before driving off. Fortunately, the bullet didn’t actually hit anyone, it just kinda exited through the other side of the building. Employees were pretty much clueless they had been fired upon — they thought a coffee pot exploded.…

Tevin Kievelle MonroeNorfolk, VA — A 31-year-old man is facing numerous charges after police say he flashed a handgun in the general direction of a manager at McDonald’s when said manager informed him he must fill out an application for employment online.

According to police, Tevin Monroe walked into a Norfolk McDonald’s last week and asked for a job application. The manager on duty informed Monroe they don’t do paper applications anymore — the application process is handled online. Because fuck doing things the old-fashioned way…. it’s all about cold, hard technology, bitch. Just click “Submit,” cross your fingers and pray an actual human looks at it and has the courtesy to get back in touch, k?

Anyway, Tevin wasn’t buying the whole “we don’t have paper applications” thing and asked again. Nonverbally. Like, with a gun. Tevin didn’t even have to remove the handgun from his waistband, he just flashed it. Then, whaddyaknow? A paper application appeared in the manager’s hands.

Poor, stupid Tevin was sitting down in the restaurant filling out that application when police arrived.…

Fuck yo cold friesParis, France — Another unsatisfied McDonald’s customer has made the news after apparently going apeshit over his room temperature fries and beating the crap out of the place with an axe.

Huh. So it’s not just ‘Muricans?

The unidentified 26-year-old man reportedly bitched about the temperature of his fries to one of the employees at the drive-thru window early Saturday morning. That conversation, however, got him squat. So he exited his vehicle, ax in hand, and started swinging.

After he was finished beating up the drive-thru window, he walked around the front of the building and hurled the ax through the entrance doors, scaring the McShit out of a group of late night snackers.

The guy fled the scene, but was apprehended rather quickly. Paramedics patched up a wound to the man’s hand sustained during his little temper tantrum, and he was carted off to the pokey. I have no idea what charges he may be facing.

The only other reported injury was rather minor — the 35-year-old man tending the drive-thru that morning suffered cuts to the face from flying glass.…

McDsMesa, AZ — All kinds of people were dialing 911 from a Mesa McDonald’s after one couple noticed their hash browns were missing from their order earlier this week. What? Hash browns are serious business, people!

Michael and Nova Smith were feeling a little ripped off the other morning when they realized their orders, a Number 2 and a Number 4, were missing both one extremely important item —  the hash browns.

“It’s a meal,” Nova said in an interview with ABC15. “Just like you should get fries with your hamburger, we should have got our hash browns with our breakfast sandwiches.”

Nova claims that after confronting a store manager, and after being denied a refund or even an order of hash browns, she got a little pissy and threw her bag of breakfast sandwiches at ’em.

“And that was out of frustration which I probably shouldn’t have done, but I did. Fighting over $2 of hash browns is ridiculous. It is ridiculous to have to fight that hard just to get customer service.”

Michael called 911 and headed back behind the counter to have his own talk with management.…

McDonalds PedophileNew York, NY – Police are asking the public’s help in identifying a man who sexually assaulted a 4-year-old girl in a McDonald’s play area.

According to reports, a man with bandage on his head ahd been lurking near the entrance of the McDonald’s play area for an hour or more when he approached the victim inside the massive jungle gym. With the girl’s mother nearby, the man went down a covered slide with the little girl and while inside, forced her to perform a sex act on him.

The child immediately ran from the playground and told her mother what happened. Horrified, the woman chased after the suspect and was able to grab his shirt before he made his escape across the street. Police say there was a security guard at the restaurant, but he did little to help and never questioned the suspect even though he was seen hanging around the play area.

The suspect is described as being between 18 and 30, with a medium complexion, and was wearing a dark purple short-sleeved shirt and faded black or dark blue jeans. …


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