Couple Arrested After Their Adult Daughter Found Inside Wooden Cage In BasementTeen Ran Over And Killed Her Baby While Fighting With BoyfriendWoman Charged After Transporting Grandchildren In Dog CratesMan Accused Of Intentionally Driving Into Restaurant, Killing Two Family MembersTwo Boys, 13 And 14, Accused Of Murdering Woman During RobberyWoman Fatally Shot Husband Because He Was Beating Family CatTwo Men Charged After Robbing Woman Then Setting Her On FireMan Mauled To Death By Mountain Lion While Mountain Biking In WashingtonMan Accused Of Torturing Stepchildren By Shoving Toothpicks Under Their FingernailsTeen, 16, Died During Game Of Russian Roulette In Abandoned House

Cambridge, MA — Joseph P. Macdonald, 32, was arrested last week after his attempts to organize an impromptu block party were spurned by his unimaginative neighbors. …and we wonder why America lacks a “sense of community.”

The evening of October 3 began innocently enough when MacDonald reportedly came out of the isolation of his apartment to urinate on the front steps of the building. At his point, you might expect that his neighbors would inquire as to how the urinating was going or even join in – as that would be the polite thing. But, no. Completely out of the blue, some of his neighbors reportedly yelled at him to stop.

After a verbal exchange that we will simply describe as “unpleasant,” Macdonald reportedly returned to his apartment.

Not to be discouraged and clearly clinging to the notion that the concept of the neighborhood is not dead, Macdonald reportedly returned to the street. This time – while wearing only a T-shirt and peach-colored lace panties – police said Macdonald began masturbating in the middle of the street and calling out to the other residents to ‘come outside and join him.’ Ungrateful, neighbors called police.…

Adrian, MI — Nine months ago, the city manager of Hudson, Michigan, was charged with a misdemeanor after a female in another vehicle reported that he was fondling himself while driving in a city-owned vehicle. That man is 50-year-old Steven Hartsel.

According to an Adrian Police Department report filed at the time of the incident, the woman was in a City of Tecumseh truck that was on the roadway alongside a minivan driven by Hartsel. The witness, Sue Sellers, said in court testimony last week that she stopped for a red light on South Main Street at Beecher Street and happened to glance from her pickup into a van stopped in the lane on her right.

“I couldn’t believe what I saw. I looked over and I saw a man with his penis in his hand,” she testified. She glanced over at least five times, she said in court, going from feelings of shock to anger. Sue Sellers told the jury she had no doubt about what she saw.

“I could have been driving a bus full of kids,” added Sellers in court testimony.…

Sarasota County, FL — A Comcast cable installer was booked on exposure charges Tuesday night after a female customer accused him of jerkin’ his gherkin’ in her living room late last month when he was supposed to be hooking her sh*t up.

According to the 24-year-old victim, Shane Wheatley arrived at her home on July 31 to hook her up with cable and internet. At some point during the installation, Wheatley reportedly began touching himself through his shorts. The woman told police she looked away, but when she looked back, he was fully exposed. She said he then began masturbating while staring and smiling at her. Out the door she went.

Wheatley denied the accusations and requested a polygraph to clear his name. But based on the results of the investigation, the sheriff’s office believed they had probable cause to arrest Wheatley for the alleged fappage. He’s been charged with exposure of sexual organs.

Huh…I feel a little cheated. All I ever got was a free month of Starz.

 …

El Segundo, Calif. — A California pedophile is probably sweating bullets at the moment after being caught masturbating while watching a toddler playing in a kiddie pool at an apartment complex.

On Saturday, a woman used her cellphone to get a picture the man as he jacked-off while watching the toddler through a hole in a fence.

He’s described as a Caucasian man in his 30s, medium build, with short brown hair and wearing a black t-shirt and blue jeans.

Police would really, really like to talk with this idiot, so if  you have any information on him, contact the El Segundo Police Department at (310) 524-2284.…

Chilliwack — As you can imagine, we get a lot of spam. So when I saw someone had used our Contact Form with the subject “jacking off to me” I figured someone had gotten through our spam filter. Since I am a sucker for a “jacking off to me” subject line, I checked it out.

Surprisingly, it was actually from one of our Canadian fans. They told a quick story about waking up to find a man standing in her room jacking off while staring at her. When she inquired as to why he was masturbating while watching her sleep, he replied that he wanted to “cum on her face” before leaving out the back door.

At first I thought this person was just coming on to me with some sleepy-time facial erotica, but a day or so later she responded back with an actual news article of the incident. Since we love our fans, and Canadians, we felt it was our duty to post about them almost having a stranger cum on her face while she slept.…

Cheadle, UK – Nicholas Read, 40, who had been convicted of indecent exposure last month, was given a 20-week jail term as punishment.  It was then suspended by the UK court official who stated that jail ‘would not help him.’

Read is an actor who, up until this incident, was best known for his work in the Harry Potter and Star Wars films – having played both a Gringotts goblin and an Ewok warrior.  The life of an Ewok warrior is understandably hard.  Sadly, this Ewok warrior’s fall from grace was evident by his conviction for mastubating under a bowler hat while traveling on a UK passenger train last October.

On that fateful day, Read was reportedly traveling between London and Leicester by train.  Court documents say that Read seated himself in an aisle seat next to a teenage girl at the window.  Read was convicted for covering his lap with his bowler hat and stroking his mini-mini-me for “30 to 40 minutes” while effectively “trapping” his victim.

Inspector Mark Clements of British Transport Police said, “Read’s actions were deplorable.  …

Ukiah, CA – Clarence Christmas, 39, was arrested after police reportedly found him in the corner of a Curves Fitness Center, nude from the waist down, and masturbating.

Police were responding to a call from a Curves employee expressing how much they had not liked Christmas showing up unannounced and fapping his junk for all to see.

The Curves employee had originally told Christmas to leave or she would call police, but instead he grabbed her by the shoulder, police said.  According to police, Christmas ‘grabbed her buttocks’ when she turned away to get a phone to call police. He also is accused of touching a Curves patron while masturbating, police said.

You may be surprised to learn that this is not Chistimas’ first offense.  Christmas had been arrested in May 2010 when he was found without pants or underwear masturbating while watching a California Department of Corrections crew eradicating weeds and brush along the railroad tracks in Ukiah, police said.

For that incident, he was arrested for indecent exposure, possession of a methamphetamine smoking pipe and parole violation. …

Indianapolis, IN — A man caught fappin’ in the ladies’ room at an Indianapolis WalMart reportedly told store security he “had a sex problem” and went into the bathroom “to look at the women” while masturbating.

20-year-old Brandon Jelks was busted after a woman visiting the facility told a store employee she believed there was a man in one of the stalls. The employee then peered under one of the stall doors and spotted a pair of blue patterned boxers around the ankles of what appeared to be a man’s shoes. In addition, the woman reported hearing some moaning noises and the sound of someone masturbating. She asked another associate to confirm that the sounds were, indeed, fappish in nature. The second associate confirmed the first associate’s suspicions and alerted store security.

Enter store security…an off-duty police officer. She, too, heard the moanin’ and fappin’ and noticed the boxer laden ankles behind the stall door. She peeked through a crack in the door and could see a male sitting on the toilet, but couldn’t tell exactly what said male was up to in there.…

Bronx, NY — A Bronx man has found himself in a sticky situation after DNA he submitted for a drug-related arrest came back matching that of a serial subway spanker.

The aptly-named Darnell Hardware, 26, was arrested in June of last year on drug charges and submitted a DNA sample. When it was checked against the state’s data base, it matched samples taken from three separate incidents, dating back almost ten years, in which a man painted female subway passengers with his cock-puke. The victims, ranging in age from 17-24 (at the times of the incidents) had come forward with the leftovers, saying that a man had rubbed up against them, masturbated and ejaculated on them… all three on packed subway cars where they say they couldn’t escape.

I would like to take this opportunity to call bullshit on every subway passenger in New York who stands idly by while some creep shoots jizz all over a poor young girl. If there were more stories that matched the word ‘vigilante’, I could stop googling ‘semen’ and ‘assault’.…

Oregon City, OR — After receiving a series of complaints from women in an Oregon City apartment complex over the past few months, police have apprehended a man they believe to be a serial peeper.

On April 10, police responded to the complex after receiving a report of a man masturbating outside of a woman’s apartment window. The man fled before police arrived and the woman was unable to provide a decent description of the alleged wanker because he was wearing a hooded sweatshirt at the time.

Officers returned to the complex earlier this month after receiving yet another report of the pervy peeper. Police say the woman in that instance was so traumatized by the event that she trembled and shook as she spoke with them.

And just this week, police were summoned to the apartment once again. This time, though, they caught the johnson juggler red-handed….

Anthony Johnson was spotted by officers as he was peering into a woman’s window late Wednesday night. He tried to beat a hasty retreat, but surrendered when he realized he was surrounded by Oregon City’s finest.…

Denver, CO – Kyle Pearce was featured on the front page of D’D for his being detained and subsequently convicted of pleasuring himself while on a flight from Spokane to Denver ‘to the point of ejaculation.’ Pearce pleaded guilty to federal indecency charges leading to a short stint in jail and release to a halfway house. Due to his antics, though, Pearce has reportedly been kicked out of the halfway house and it looks like he is headed back to jail.

Kyle, Kyle, Kyle…

Garret Pfalmer, a federal probation officer in Denver, filed paperwork describing complaints from from the Independence House halfway house where Pearce had been assigned. The U.S. Attorney’s Office has responded by asking that the court revoke Pearce’s probation and send him back to jail.

Pearce’s antics reportedly include leaving without permission, getting into “physical altercations” with other residents, “associating with female residents,” and “abusing his medications” or “providing them to other residents.” He was also caught apparently trying to convince a hospital that he was prescribed narcotics as well as “attempting to steal needles, syringes, and alcohol pads from a supply cart.”

Pearce seems intent on ignoring societal rules or norms.…

San Diego, CA — For days, drivers on one San Diego roadway have been subjected to the presence of a sometimes naked and sometimes masturbating man. Police, convinced that commuters were not driving in a provocative manner, issued a warning about the man with a description. He was described as a white man, between 16-24 years old, 5′ 9″, medium to thin weight, with brown shoulder length possibly bushy hair.

Authorities followed up quickly with a stakeout. That stakeout proved fruitful when, only one day later, undercover detectives saw 19-year-old Kevin Garrison take off his clothes on an embankment overlooking Del Mar Heights Boulevard.

“As they went to contact him, a foot pursuit ensued. He ran onto Ginger Glen. The officers lost sight of him. We set up a perimeter and did a yard to yard search,” said Lt. Todd Jarvis.

The search included many officers on foot interviewing neighbors and securing yards while a police helicopter was flying and observing from overhead. Police then got a break when it was discovered that Garrison cut himself during the foot chase.…


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