Kinston, NC – According to police, Krystal Jones, 24, was preoccupied by her huffing when she drove her car into a building in Kinston, North Carolina.

The building – which had reportedly been a pet store – was being renovated to become a church. More ‘renovation’ is now needed, as Jones squarely smashed it all to hell.

Jones was jailed on a $1,000 bond and, at last report, was still in custody. Police charged her with careless and reckless driving, driving left of the center line and inhaling toxic vapors.

The ‘driving left of the center line’ thing may seem like grasping. It turns out that some grasping was necessary as, North Carolina authorities say, she can not be charged with DWI because the physiological artifacts of huffing dissipate too quickly for impairment to be established post-incident.

It is unfortunate that – apparently – driving through a freakin’ building isn’t a crime…

That said, the fact of the matter is that this incident turned out comparatively well. This case comes on the heals of a couple of more tragic cases.…

Costa Mesa, CA— An unidentified 28-year-old woman has been hosipitalized in critical condition after police say she inhaled fumes from a fire extinguisher and attempted to gouge out one of her eyes.

Police responded to a Motel 6 Tuesday after receiving a report of a naked woman running through the halls. When they arrived at the motel, they found a screen removed from a window and blood on the floor in one of the rooms. The woman in question was found in the bathtub, still naked, huffing on a fire extinguisher while frantically scratching at one of her eyes. Police say she scratched so intensely she nearly ripped the eyeball from it’s socket.

“The officers were able to take life-saving measures to pull the fire extinguisher away fom her and render medical aid,” said Lt. Mark Manley. “We don’t know yet whether she was trying to get high or whether she was trying to commit suicide.”

Yeah, suicide…one piece at a time.

The woman was still in intesive care as of Wednesday afternoon.…

West Hartford, CT – Four days after being let out of jail, a man on Connecticut’s sex offender list was arrested for getting high on spray paint and actin’  a fool.

Around 9am on Monday, 37-year-old Alexander Robles was outside the Jewish Community Center in Hartford with silver paint on his face.  Allegedly, he was knocking on car windows, pulling door handles and yelling at people. Other witnesses say he was standing with his pants pulled down. Police found him with two cans of spray paint in a plastic bag.

“He was not in a good frame of mind,” said Lt Jeremy Clark, which is funny to me since, when I get high on paint, I  generally carry on an aggressive yet civil debate on the intricacies of global politics while baking scones as part of my volunteer work with the elderly.

A nearby daycare was put on lock-down since they hadn’t booked ‘Skippy the Pickle-Swinging Clown’ that day. Robles told arresting officers he didn’t know how he ended up in the parking lot and was simply trying to ask for a ride.…

Amanda Branda Loves Those Inhalants

August 23, 2010 at 6:10 am by  

Summerfield, FL – Amanda Branda’s two young sons ran to a neighbors for help last Friday because they couldn’t wake their mother up and thought she might be sick. The neighbor, with the boys in tow, ran to the house to investigate and found Branda had locked herself inside her bedroom. After the boys removed the doorknob from the door, the neighbor could see Branda was out cold. When medical personnel arrived and failed to get a response out of the dazed woman, they kicked in the door. There she lay, her can of Blast Away well within reach. Once they got her on her feet, she was allowed to use the restroom – it was there that a female deputy witnessed her hitting the can again. The boys told officers they had seen their mother huffing from the same can while driving earlier that day. The woman really loves her inhalants – this is her third arrest for inhalation of a chemical substance since April. The last time she was busted, she was found slumped over her steering wheel in a WalMart parking lot.…

Naples – While waking up in a pool of your own vomit behind an Office Depot may equate to an average Wednesday night for Jaded, it got one North Naples woman charged with inhalation of a harmful chemical substance and a probation violation. Police had been called to investigate a woman sleeping in an an alley and there they found 37-year-old Jennifer Marie Fernandez lying in her own puke, having ingested two cans of dust remover. She woke up when officers began questioning her and was attempting to hide a 10 ounce can of cleaner between her legs. They asked her how she was doing and she informed them, with slurred speech, that she had bought the can to get high with and then proceeded to inhale the rest of the can. She was taken to the hospital to be checked out, then arrested shortly afterwards. In January, Fernandez was arrested for petty theft after she was found passed out in a Walmart restroom (an average Friday night for Jaded) next to an empty can of dust remover she had stolen.…

Rachael Jankins Was Driving On Sunshine

September 11, 2009 at 9:39 am by  

UPPER DARBY, Pa. – Back in August, 20-year-old Rachael Jenkins told police she was trying to retrieve her dropped iPod when her Hyundai crossed two lanes of traffic, went on to a sidewalk and struck Nicole Gallo, 19, and Christine Bochanski, 20. Gallo was killed immediately and Bochanski suffered serious injuries, including a broken back, and was hospitalized for two weeks. But toxicology reports later came back showing that Jankins had some THC and difluoroethane in her blood. What the fuck is difluoroethane, you may ask? It’s the chemical found computer-cleaning spray. Exactly like the can of Dust-Off that was found in Jankins’ car on the day of the accident.…

Daniel Wood Was Stunned Into Flames

August 20, 2009 at 12:06 am by  

Lancaster, OH– Around 8 p.m. Monday, officers responded to report of a man running into traffic and yelling threats to a crowd outside a Kmart store. When the officers arrived, they found 31-year old Daniel Wood holding a aerosol can of electronics cleaner in his hand and witnessed Wood huffing from it. Wood must have still had a few braincells left, because he beat feet as soon as he seen the officers approach. When the officers caught up to him, Wood kicked at them and tried to bite them while he continued discharging the aerosol can into his mouth. I wonder if he felt like he was walking on sunshine?…

Eugenio and Vanessa Were Sniffin’ The Tolly

July 26, 2009 at 9:50 am by  

Dallas, TX – Vanessa Barron’s sister warned her before –  if she and her husband Eugenio didn’t stop huffin’ paint thinner around the kiddos, she was going to turn them in. When Mary Barron paid a visit to her sister’s motel room on Tuesday, she was greeted at the door by the toxic fumes of toluene – a.k.a. ‘tolly’ – one of the ingredients in paint thinner. Inside the small room (383 sq. ft.) were Vanessa, her husband Eugenio, and their three young children, ranging in age from 2 months to 5-years, and Eugenio’s 9-year-old son. Vanessa, apparently intoxicated by the fumes, was dozing off while breastfeeding the infant. Eugenio was next to her, his thinner rag in his hand. “To see my nephews in the situation I saw them was unacceptable,” Mary said. “They were underweight, they were malnourished, they were dirty, they were thirsty.” Mary made good on her threat and called in the police. …

Stevie Marchand: Huff Huff, Spark Spark, BOOM!

October 27, 2008 at 12:07 pm by  

Car went boom! on

The car says, “Owww.”

Stevie Marchand’s Myspace

Longmont, CO  – Stevie Marchand, 18, and two 16-year-old girls were sitting in Stevie’s stepbrother’s car on Thursday afternoon.  They weren’t bothering anybody, just minding their own business, huffing the fumes off two cans of aerosol – one mango-pineapple, one strawberry-raspberry.  One of the girls got a little high and decided it was a good time to light up a cigarette.   That’s where the BOOM! comes in. …

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