MISSOULA, MT — Man accused of leaving a 5-month-old baby in the woods after a car crash because the baby was “very heavy.”

Francis Carlton Crowley is unconscionably lazy. And just a teensy bit high.

On Saturday, September 8th, deputies were dispatched to Lolo Hot Springs, Montana after receiving a disturbance complaint involving a man making threats and claiming to have a gun.

When they finally located Crowley, he was disoriented and nonsensical, but they were able to determine two things (besides the obvious fact that he was as fucked-up as a football bat); one: he had been in a car crash at some point earlier in the day, and two: a five-month-old baby that had been “left in his care” was missing.

The latter of the two was obviously more important to deputies, but Crowley was of little assistance; he wasn’t sure what had become of the infant. Maybe he was lying on the side of the road, maybe he was buried in the woods. All Crowley was certain of was the reason he abandoned the infant: the child was “very heavy.”

A search team consisting of local, state and federal authorities scoured the area.…


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