Davie, FL — Johansen Concepcion De La Ros, 19, was arrested late Saturday on a charge of animal cruelty, after allegedly shooting an 8-month-old puppy, sniper style, from an apartment balcony. And because he has such a long ass name, from here on out, I shall refer to him as Jughead.

According to the arrest report, multiple 911 calls about two men shooting a dog from a balcony brought Davie police to the Centro at Davie apartment complex right around 6:30 Saturday night.

When officers arrived, the found a blood-covered Roshelle Pearson, who was holding a bloody small brown and white puppy named Princess, off-duty Pembroke Pines police officer Miguel Osorio and his brother, and several onlookers.

Pearson told police she and her boyfriend had been walking Princess past building #16 when they heard a ‘pop.’ She looked down to find the pup bleeding from the mouth.

Officer Osorio revealed that he had been driving past the complex when he saw what appeared to be a male with a scoped rifle hanging out on the balcony.…

Vero Beach, FL — This lovely young lady was jailed last week after allegedly slashing her live-in boyfriend’s face with a knife because he wasn’t in the mood for nookie.

Police were called to the home 27-year-old Katherine Nieves Tavarez shares with her boyfriend, Amaury Vazquez Carrero, early Thursday morning, and were greeted by a bloodied Tavarez at the door. No, the blood wasn’t hers.

While speaking to Tavarez, the officer noticed Carrero, with blood on his face, drop to the floor. When the officer asked the man what happened, Carrero replied, “She hit me with a knife! I can’t see!”

According to Carrero, Tavarez, who had been drinking that day, made it crystal clear that she was looking to get a little. Carrero, however, was apparently on a different page. Denied, several times over, Tavarez proceeded to throw a bitch fit. At that point, Carrero says, he retreated to the patio.

He told police a screaming Tavarez was hot on his heels, armed with a large, silver kitchen knife.…

ST PETERSBURG, FL – A Florida man has been accused of burning “smiley” faces on multiple children.

Joshua Mize is a happy guy. And he just wants to spread the smiles.

Literally.

The 21-year-old Florida Man was arrested on September 18th after authorities learned that he had shared a smile with a 5-year-old boy that he babysitting.

Sounds perfectly innocuous, doesn’t it? Hell, compared to the average story on the Demon, sharing a smile with a kid is positively angelic, right? Not the way Mize does it.

He uses a lighter.

Sources don’t say who left the five-year-old in the care of this Trailer-Park-Boys-lookin’ maniac, but we do know that when they got the kid back, he had a smiley face burned onto his right knee. The boy would later tell police that Mize held him down in the living room and used the lighter to give him his new decoration.

What’s more, authorities would learn that this was not Mize’s first attempt at butane-fueled body art.

It seems that, just the day before, he had given a smile to an eight-year-old boy who was left in his care.…

LAKE CITY, FL – An inmate at Columbia Correctional Institution murdered his cellmate, gouged out his eyes, then strolled to breakfast with the victim’s ear on a necklace.

The incident happened early Thursday inside a cell being shared by 58-year-old Larry Mark and another man who has not been identified.

Mark was reportedly aggravating his cellmate to the point that his cellmate strangled him to death. But the cellmate wasn’t done.

After killing Mark, the man gouged out Mark’s eyeballs and placed them in a cup. He reportedly told other inmates he planned to eat them later.

Mark’s body was not discovered until after his killer showed up for breakfast with other inmates and began showing off Mark’s ear that he had fashioned into a stylish necklace.

Unconfirmed reports state Mark’s killer had recently been transferred to Columbia from Florida State Prison where he had been on Death Row.

Obviously, I don’t know Mark so I can’t comment on his character or if he deserved the death he got. However, he was serving a life sentence for beating a cab driver’s skull in for $35 and a wedding ring.…

FORT PIERCE, FL – Police in Florida arrested a man for giving his girlfriend a “wet willy” during an argument.

Ah, Florida Man. You are crude, violent and shameless, bereft of common sense and common decency, and inevitably oh-so-entertaining.

And you are prone to stick your willy where it doesn’t belong.

Sometimes it’s an underaged orifice, sometimes it’s just an unreceptive one. Sometimes it’s a knothole in a fence or even a dead animal.

Sometimes it’s not even really a willy.

St. Lucie County, Florida denizen Joseph Jean Sireci, 47, took domestic abuse into the realm of the ludicrous in a quintessential Homo floridius manner.

On August 15th, Sireci’s better half came home from a long day at work to find him laying on the living room floor, unshaven and stinking of booze, drunk as a blind weasel and just as testy.

Sources don’t specify, but I imagine she had something to say to his worthless ass. He definitely had something to say back.

She would later tell authorities that Sireci was “arguing with her and being rude,” so she decided to take the kids and go to a friend’s house.…

BARTOW, FL – A 38-year-old man has been accused of exchanging pornographic pictures with an 11-year-old girl that he admitted to making out with.

Michael Lee Caraway is a fixin’ man.

He fixes houses, for one. The 38-year-old Hudson, Florida man is a construction worker that apparently does remodels and other work on existing construction. Much better for meeting little ladies than working new construction.

Because, you see, Caraway fixes little girls, too.

And, like any good contractor, Caraway was making good progress on the Scope of Work for his latest Little Princess project.

After a recent Caraway gig at a Polk County residence, the homeowners became suspicious because of unspecified changes in their 11-year-old daughter’s behavior. I’m guessing it was something to do with her all of a sudden locking herself in her room for eight hours every day with professional photography equipment.

Because a subsequent investigation by the Polk County Sheriff’s Office would uncover more than 450 porno pics of herself that the girl had sent to Caraway. The article does not provide a timeline, but even if it took her folks a month to get wise, 450 naughtygrams is an astonishing output.…

MIAMI BEACH, FL – A man has been accused of beating his girlfriend’s 3-year-old daughter to death, and the possible reason behind the beating is mind-boggling.

Last Friday night, 27-year-old Dennys Llopiz called 911 claiming he found his girlfriend’s daughter, 3-year-old Skylar, slumped over in the shower after he put her there for soiling herself.

Possibly figuring that responding police may question the extensive bruising on Skylar’s body, Llopiz added that Skyler had fallen on some rocks when they went fishing the night before.

Skylar was rushed to the hospital where she was pronounced dead. When doctors conducted an autopsy, it was quickly revealed the girl had not had a simple fallen on some rocks.

Skylar had suffered a large laceration to her liver, her large intestine, bowels and diaphragm and right lung were all bruised, the air sacs in her lungs were ruptured, and three ribs were fractured.

Her cause of death was ruled blunt force trauma.

Since Llopiz was the only person with the girl at the time of her injuries and his explanation for the girl’s injuries were not meshing with the obvious ass-kicking she was delivered, he was charged with her murder.…

TANPA BAY, FL – Police have charged 26-year-old Shakayla Denson with murder after she drowned her 4-year-old daughter into the Hillsborough River.

Police say Denson stole a car from an auto body shop Thursday afternoon and drove to the river with her daughter, Je’Hyrah Daniels.

Once there, Denson got out of the car and carried her daughter into the water.

“She started dragging Je’Hyrah by the arm and heads toward the Hillsborough River,” Police Chief Brian Dugan said. “Witnesses report that the child was screaming and at one time, both the child and the mother were screaming.”

Holding her daughter close to her chest, Denson waded into the water until it was near the top of her shoulders before letting Je’Hyrah go. She then turned around toward walked back to the river bank leaving her daughter to drown.

Police were already on their way to the scene after concerned citizens began calling about a crazy woman in the river with a kid, and Denson was taken into custody a short distance away.…

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL – A man has been charged with murder after he stabbed another man to death during an argument over a handicap-parking space.

No one likes people who abuse handicap-parking spaces. But people in Florida will defend their proper use to the death, it seems.

There was already the guy in Clearwater, FL that was shot to death during an argument over a handicap-parking space, and now we have a Fort Lauderdale man getting stabbed to death over the same thing.

This latest incident happened on July 16 in the parking lot of Little Treasures Academy.

That’s where 40-year-old Oswald Zambrano had parked his SUV in one of the daycare’s handicap-parking spaces to pick up his wife.

Zambrano was sitting in his vehicle when he was confronted by 43-year-old Julio Ramos, who was not too happy about Zambrano being parked in the spot.

After accusing Zambrano of illegally using the spot, an argument ensued in which Ramos demanded Zambrano get out of his vehicle.

From looking at his booking photo, Ramos found he bit off more than he could chew when Zambrano obliged him.…

ARLINGTON, FL – A 6-year-old girl has died after being attacked by a pit bull her family was pet sitting.

Police and firefighters were called to a house on Sunday after a man saw a neighbor running out of her house screaming for help while carrying a young girl’s unconscious body.

“I just kept hearing somebody (yell), ‘Help me, help me!'” the neighbor said. “She came out of the house and laid the baby down right there and told us to call the paramedics, and that’s what we did.”

When paramedics arrived, they found 6-year-old Jaelah Smith suffering from a dog bite to the neck. She was taken to Wolfson Children’s Hospital, where she later died from her injuries.

According to reports, Jaelah had been bitten by a pit bull terrier inside her home. The dog did not belong to the family but was at the home as they were pet sitting while the dog’s owner was on vacation.

The dog was picked up by Animal Care and Protective Services where it will be placed on a 10-day quarantine.…

DELTONA, FL – A pastor has been charged after he admitted to taking a photo up a woman’s dress as she was putting his child in a car seat.

Back in April, 31-year-old Brian Kenyon Jr was a pastor at Church of Christ of Deltona.

The reason why he is no longer the pastor at Church of Christ is because of a cringey stunt he pulled with a 41-year-old woman who was watching his child.

After Kenyon performed the church service he returned to his office and asked the woman to put his youngest child in a car seat.

The woman said she felt uneasy because Kenyon was acting very nervous. She would find out why he was so nervous as she knelt down to secure the kid in his seat.

She said as she was knelt down she felt skin touch her leg. When she turned around she saw Kenyon on his knees behind her holding his cell phone by the bottom of her dress.

According to the woman, it was apparent he had taken a picture under her dress.…

Miami Beach, FL — This perturbed looking individual is 46-year-old Jonathan Crenshaw; a homeless, armless street artist.

He’s been accused of stabbing a tourist with a pair of scissors.

The alleged stabbing apparently occurred after the victim, 22-year-old Cesar Coronado, asked Crenshaw for directions.

“I’m not from here, and this is not what I came for. I came for a vacation,” Coronado told NBC 6 Wednesday. “I just said, ‘do you know where this is?’ but as soon as I talked, the only thing he reacted was — he just cut me.”

Crenshaw, however, claimed it was done in self-defense. He told police he was just lying down when Coronado approached him and punched him in the head.

Soooo he grabbed a pair of scissors out of a suitcase with his foot and stabbed Coronado in the arm, twice, before tucking the scissors into his waistband and walking away.

Coronado denies punching Crenshaw. “Why would I go and attack someone else? No, no, I wouldn’t do that,” he said. “It’s like, how the hell did I get stabbed?…


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