Birdemic

December 18, 2009 at 2:56 pm by  

The House Of The Devil (2009)

December 8, 2009 at 4:32 pm by  

Godspeed (2009)

November 30, 2009 at 11:07 am by  

Black Devil Doll Movie Review

November 8, 2009 at 1:10 am by  

2le1hd3Director:
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[rating:3.5/5]

The trailer for BLACK DEVIL DOLL warns potential viewers, “If the thought of a wayward white woman having sexual relations with a demonic jive ass black puppet offends you, DO NOT SEE BLACK DEVIL DOLL!”  If that sentence has piqued your interest, then you are probably a twisted fuck like myself and will have a good time with this movie.

It’s about Heather and her ventriloquist puppet that happens to be possessed by Mubia Abul-Jama, a Black Power Revolutionary Party leader who was recently executed for murdering 15 Caucasian women. He possessed Heather’s doll after she screwed around with a Ouija board and unwittingly allowed Mubia to escape Hell – transforming her puppet into Black Devil Doll.

Heather falls in love with Mubia but is unable to satisfy his insatiable desire for white ass. So she agrees to invite four of her friends over so that Mubia can have sex with them.…

Me and the kid got to thinking about what we could do this year to celebrate Halloween aside from the sacrificing, and decided on just having a horror movie marathon. The films would all be horror and would all be movies he has not yet seen. So before any of you start yelling “What about this movie or that movie?” it’s probably not on the list because he is my kid – and he has already seen it. The catch? Can we watch them all without moving from the couch. Read on to see the list of films we have chosen, and the setup we have constructed consisting of the couch, a cooler, coffee maker, computers and a microwave. All strategically placed so that we do not have to leave the front of the television aside from bathroom breaks — which we also tried to find ways out of but ultimately decided pissing in a 2-liter\shitting in a bucket are acts we would only feel comfortable doing in front of each other if we were trapped in a car buried in a snowbank.…

Saw VI Review

October 29, 2009 at 3:30 pm by  

I walked out of a screening of “Saw” in 2004 absolutely appalled with the movie. Not for the sadomasochistic violence the film would soon popularize, but for the cruddy production value and the laughably abysmal performances — Cary Elwes should be gifted a national holiday for his whimpering, career-smothering work, effectively neutering the repulsion of the ultraviolence. I loathed the film, yet watched with some degree of surprise as the franchise developed a defensive mainstream following; kindly folk who cheerfully hurdled generous filmmaking clichés and further acting decimation to bathe in the warm pools of blood, sucking up the suffering with a bendy straw as if the nightmare were Cherry Coke.…

Let’s Talk About Zombie Strippers!

October 12, 2009 at 11:49 am by  

The Bush (Jr.) Administration has done away with The United States as we know it. Just elected to its 4th term (With Arnold Schwarzenegger as Vice), they have disbanded Congress, banned public nudity,and entered into wars with most of the world. Faced with a situation in which there are not enough soldiers, a re-animation virus is developed in a government laboratory. The virus breeches containment of course, and soon the entire laboratory is overrun with zombies. A team of marines is sent in to gain control; one is bitten and later dies inside a strip club named Rhino. When he awakes as a zombie he bites Kat, the star dancer, who is transformed into the walking dead – and becomes a better and more popular stripper than when she was alive. The rest of the girls come to realize that they will have to transform as well, or face the prospect of losing all their customers to Kat. …

Let’s Talk About Paranormal Activity

October 11, 2009 at 11:03 am by  

Katie and Micah are a couple experiencing some strange events in their home; strange noises, lights turning off and on by themselves, and soft whispering in the middle of the night. This is not an odd occurrence for Katie — this kind of thing has been happening to her since she was a child. Some kind of entity has been following her all her life, no matter where she lives. But now she is with Micah, and this stubborn day trader is not gonna just sit back and let some “thing” come into his house and start scaring the shit out of them. He decides that he is going to take care of the problem himself, but in order to do so he needs to know what he is up against. He starts by purchasing a camera to start recording the things happening around the home, his hope being that by capturing any of the phenomena on film, then they will be better equipped to solve the problem. At first Katie is reluctant, thinking that this will just make the situation worse, but she consents and even lets Micah set the camera up to record them while they sleep.…

Review: Tormented – By This Dumbass Movie

October 8, 2009 at 2:18 pm by  

Justine has just jumped up a few rungs on her school’s social ladder after being accepted into the leading clique that rules the halls of her school. Sure, in doing so she has had to make a couple sacrifices in the form losing two of her disappointed BFFs – but the trade off is worth it as now she gets to make fun of other people and let Alexis hide his sausage in her vagina. But all is not well within this nasty group of elitist, bullying pricks. Seems as if the one person who was the main target of their antics committed suicide recently. He was a large, passive and seemingly retarded Darren Mullet who was picked on relentlessly by Justine’s new group of friends. The bullying came in all forms. Physical attacks and humiliation as well as mental abuse and harassment via constant text messages and a public website that showed off their often filmed exploits. Darren decided this shit sucks and chose to stop his tormentors by removing himself from the equation at the end of a noose.…

Oldskool Review: The Mutilator

October 1, 2009 at 11:02 pm by  

Ed Jr and his college friends are hanging around the local watering hole lamenting the fact that they have absolutely nothing planned for fall break. But that changes when Ed’s father calls and informs his son that he needs him to go to their beach condo and close it up for the winter. Ed finds the request strange seeing as him and his father have not been on good terms ever since Ed actually killed his mother while cleaning some guns for his dad’s birthday. Nevertheless, Ed agrees and decides to take his friends along and make a vacation out of it. But what should have been a relaxing, drunken break from academics will turn into something much more terrifying. Turns out Ed’s father has grown quite insane since the death of his wife, and he now he wants revenge. The request to prep the condo was merely a trap and Ed and his friends have walked right into it. Read on for more info on The Mutilator than anyone could possibly ever need.…

Grief, death, and rusty scissors collide in Lars von Trier’s Antichrist. A metaphysical sojourn with cinema’s loudest spoilsport, the picture stuns and sickens, almost daring viewers to keep watching as it articulates the ravages of the unwound mind, filling the frame with demented acts of unspeakable violence and deeply considered thematic stimulation. For fans of Trier, Antichrist is a return to his once irresistible provocative appetites, shamelessly exploiting suffering and misogyny to generate the outrage that fuels his daydreams (and bank accounts). It’s a pitch-black torrential downpour of pain, and should only be approached by those willing to allow Trier 100 precious minutes to play his madcap mind games.…

Here’s one for some of you daring fans of the darker stuff. A detective (Panos Thanassoulis) working to solve the murder of a woman named Laura finds out that the she was not dead at all, that the dead body that had been found in her apartment was actually someone else. Once the detective tracks Laura down, he falls in love with her, only to have her leave him and disappear once again. The heartbroken detective’s life spirals out of control as he becomes obsessed with finding Laura a second time. He is fired from his job, succumbs to alcoholism and is pretty close to losing his sanity when he is finally able to track  Laura to her last known location – a remote villa inhabited by a woman (Michele Valley) and her daughter (Meredyth Herold). Fortunately for the detective, they know exactly what happened to his long, lost love. Unfortunately for the now captive detective, they are both extremely deranged and batshit insane.…


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