Stuart, FL — A 42-year-old man has been accused of punching his girlfriend, and striking her with a dildo, because she insulted his love making skills. *cough* whiskey dick! *cough*

Eric Pritsch was charged with battery following the incident, which was reported earlier this month.

According to the arrest affidavit, Pritsch’s girlfriend, 58-year-old Carol Favuzza, flagged down a deputy on February 7, and asked him to call police, as she had been assaulted. The officer apparently had to inform her he was the police.

Favuzza told the deputy Pritsch punched her in the face because, while they were copulating, she told him, “You’re not a man, you’re a mouse.”

Favuzza went on to say that Pritsch hit her in the back several times with a dildo and some sort of cord. The officer failed to find any marks on the woman’s back, but did notice swelling to her face. He also noticed the woman smelled strongly of alcohol.

Pritsch, also apparently shitfaced, denied striking the woman. According to him, he had been asleep for several hours.…

Konrad PetersMilwaukee, WI — I know everyone can’t be as smooth as me when it comes to picking up the ladies, but holy shit – Konrad Peters may have the worst game I’ve ever heard of.

The  28-year-old has been arrested after allegedly driving around town tossing dildos at young girls, then sitting in his car to watch their reactions.

Last month, two 14-year-old girls told police that a male driver stopped his vehicle about 100 feet in front of them as they walked home from a park. The man opened his door and placed an unknown object on the ground before driving past them.

The girls said the man “was sitting there staring at them from his car with the driver’s side widow rolled down” watching their reactions as they discovered the object was a giant purple dildo.

A second report was made by a 15-year-old girl who had a similar experience as she walked home from a bus stop. She said a man threw an item out of the driver’s side window of his vehicle, which rolled slightly underneath the car.…

LemmiwinksLONDON – We’ve all been there, right? Kind of bored with nothing to do when you decide to shove a vibrator up your ass? Lord knows I have. I usually do this with reckless abandon, using a “butter churning” technique I’ve perfected.

I may ease up a bit, though, especially after reading about what happened to 50-year-old Nigel Willis. Diabetic, jobless, and living with his elderly mother, Willis inserted a dildo up his ass last December. No harm, no foul – at first.

Willis’ problems began when he found he wasn’t able to remove the sex toy. Embarrassed, the man decided not to seek medical attention and remained on a couch with the toy up his butt for five days.

It’s not like we haven’t heard of this before. There was a recent story making the rounds regarding a woman who lost a sex toy in her vag for ten years. Unfortunately for Willis, the toy had perforated his bowel and he was suffering from septic shock.

After days of feeling dizzy, weak and unable to move from the couch, a neighbor convinced him to call for help.…

Ralph PolnickyOklahoma – Per a reader request that we report on more dildos, Ralph Polnicky says that after getting into an argument with a Tractor Supply Company employee, he received a large dildo in the mail with the words “Tractor Supply. Don’t Come Back,” and “Ralph is a Dick,” written in black.

Polnicky says that last year he went to the Tractor Supply Company in October of last year to complain about how long it took them to order a spool of bungee cord he’d ordered. An argument ensued between him and an employee inside the store and Polnicky claims that as he was leaving, a female employee shouted at him, “Don’t come back.”

Four months later, Polnicky gets a package in the mail that contained an 8-inch dildo with the words “Ralph Is A Dick,” “From the Tractor Supply,” and “Don’t Come Back” written on the sides. “We were aghast, I mean, we were absolutely shocked by what’s in this box,” Polnicky said about himself and his wife.

While it’s not a crime to send a sex toy in the mail, it could be possible to sue employer Tractor Supply for emotional damages.…

Man, 67, Busted For Sucking On Dildo While Driving

February 19, 2013 at 8:38 am by  

dildo dogTrenton, MI — Well, hell, there isn’t a lot of information to this one, and no video that we know of, but you just know I couldn’t let this one go…..

According to a police report obtained by those beautiful people over at The Smoking Gun, a 67-year-old man was arrested last week after witnesses reported seeing him sucking on a dildo at a local park.

The responding officer, Sergeant Steve Allen, wrote in his report that upon his arrival at the scene, he was flagged down by an unidentified witness who pointed to a silver car in the parking lot and claimed that he/she had witnessed the driver of the vehicle sucking on a dildo as he drove past.

When Officer Allen approached the vehicle, he noticed what appeared to be a flesh-colored dildo on the passenger seat. He then asked the unidentified oldster, the only occupant in the vehicle, what, exactly, he was doing. The oldster apparently replied, “SUCKING ON A DILDO, I’M SORRY!

No, my caps lock isn’t busted….…

St Paul, MN — After 911 received a call from a woman regarding the driver of a truck in front of her, a dispatcher informed officers close to the location to keep their eyes out for “a white male in a red pickup performing oral sex on a white dildo.”

Police responded to the area and noticed a red pickup on University near Wheeler Street being driven by 45-year-old Brian Wutschke. They pulled him over and searched the interior of his truck, which contained several pairs of women’s panties, including a pair hanging from the rear-view mirror and one on the gear shift.

But that was nothing compared to what they found inside Wutschke. After first locating a sex toy underneath his flannel shirt, they also detected a buzzing sound as they were giving him a pat-down. That’s when Wutschke admitted to the officers that he had an electric sex toy shoved up his ass.

None of the officers present wanted to deal with the removal of the sex toy, so they arrested Wutschke and placed him in the squad car.…

Woman Sues After Sex Toy Wrecked Her Vagina

October 13, 2011 at 8:19 am by  

Dunsmuir, CA — A woman in California is suing a sex toy manufacturer claiming that she had to go to the hospital after one of their products turned her vagina into mush.

April Bonjour claims that she and her boyfriend were using a dildo from Pipedream Products during foreplay when she felt an “intense sharp” pain in her vagina. When her boyfriend withdrew the sex toy, it was covered in blood.

She initially thought she had started her period, but a box of sanitary pads and a few blood clots later, she realized it was something serious. When the bleeding would not stop, her boyfriend called 911. By the time paramedics arrived, Bonjour claims she was slipping in and out of consciousness and was given several pints of blood once at the hospital.

She filed a claim against the company after she contacted them about her experience with their product and wanted monetary compensation. Pipedream Products denied her claim. I can’t say I blame them as it sounds less like Bonjour was using one of their products and more like Bonjour had a miscarriage or her boyfriend was stabbing her vagina with a serrated knife.…


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