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Columbus, OH — Jessica Pickett, 22, was charged with misdemeanor falsification after allegedly reporting that her car had been stolen with her 4-year-old daughter inside.

Pickett apparently called 911 and told police she had left her child, Janylia, sleeping in the backseat of her car while it warmed up Monday morning. She left the child in the car, she said, so she could round up her other children. When she returned, the car and her daughter were gone.

An Amber Alert was issued. Cell phones alerted, officers searched, tips started coming in. One tip, though, blew Pickett’s story to shit.

“I am trying to call in about that Amber Alert,” the caller said. “She is not missing. She is at her Aunt’s house.”

And she was. Unharmed. She’d been at the aunt’s house since the night before.

When confronted, Pickett reportedly admitted to officers that she had lied. She had just hoped the police would make finding her stolen car a priority.

Pickett was issued a summons and Janylia and her two siblings, ages 5 and 2, were taken into protective custody.…

COLUMBUS, MS —  Sky Juliett Samuel, 18, is facing criminal charges after allegedly smearing a customer’s burger with menstrual blood and saliva.

According to authorities, Samuel was working at the restaurant on January 7, when she violated the cheeseburger. The tainted burger was then served to a drive-thru customer.

No details at this time as to how the special sauces were applied to the burger, thank gawd, but all of the restaurant’s surveillance videos have been handed over to authorities.

Samuel was first accused when another employee shared details of the incident with her mother, who later posted about the incident on Facebook.

“My daughter saw another worker put her (menstrual fluids) and lick cheese that went on a customer’s burger. My daughter told the (assistant manager) that was on duty and the (assistant manager) still brought the food out to the customer!!! We called the store to try and talk to the general manager and they wouldn’t give her the numbers to get a hold of a manager. We then called corporate who again did nothing!!

Tarence WilsonColumbus, GA — A 29-year-old man was arrested earlier this week after video surveillance captured him pleasuring himself outside an elementary school, four nights in a row, leaving condoms filled with baby batter on the front door each time.

According to police, after scaling a fence surrounding Wesley Heights Elementary, Tarence Wilson would drop trou and commence to burpin’ his worm right there in the courtyard. When finished, he apparently draped his used condoms on the door.

The first condom was found sometime Saturday, leading grossed out school officials to view the surveillance tapes and initiate a stake-out. On Tuesday evening, they caught their man red-handed.

When officers arrived to back up school security that evening, Wilson was found hiding behind a bush, boxers around his ankles.

When questioned as to why the hell he was jerkin’ off on school grounds, Wilson reportedly responded that he felt “uncomfortable” masturbating at home, and dammit, he just wanted someplace he could be left alone. No word on why he feels the need to practice safe sex with himself, though.…

Baby Killed By Shiba Inus While Dad Slept

December 14, 2013 at 3:07 am by  

Shiba Inu StonedColumbus, OH – A 3-month-old premature baby girl was killed by family dogs while her pappy slept peacefully nearby.

Mia Gibson was bitten and dragged around the living room floor by the family pets, 2 Shiba Inus, after falling off the couch while sleeping with her dad, 33-year-old Chris Kusumi.

Sgt. Steven Little reported that it appears the two dogs did not attack the baby but were trying to play with her…in a chewy-toy sorta way. The little girl was found with “puncture wounds but no trauma”. Whatever the hell that means.

Eventually, one of the two dogs nudged the bedroom door where the girl’s mother, 34-year-old Sabrena L. Gibson, was catching up on the Zzzz-s and disturbed her slumber. It was here that she discovered the still remains of her newborn daughter.

Mia was rushed to the hospital but was pronounced dead.  Her distressed mother began causing a scene and threatened to snuff herself after doctors informed her of her daughter’s death. Police transported both parents to a local mental health center…hopefully to get them some unbroken sleep.…

Babies Don’t Bounce

November 18, 2010 at 1:00 am by  

Columbus, OH — Following a domestic dispute with his girlfriend late Tuesday evening, police say 20-year-old Quindell Sherman grabbed his 3-month-old son and repeatedly threw the child to the pavement. “When I looked around I saw him grab the baby, probably for the second time, and toss the baby on the pavers over there on the road,” said neighbor Barbara Webb. “Head first and then dangle the baby with one arm in the air.” After slam-dunkin’ the kid several times, Sherman picked him up and ran off down the street. Both he and the severely injured infant were found in a nearby dumpster. Responding officers attempted to resuscitate the child, but he was pronounced dead at the hospital a short time later. Quindell Sherman has been booked on murder charges. According the Sherman’s girlfriend, this isn’t the act of violence in their relationship. She told police that back in January, while she was still pregnant, Sherman pushed her down, struck her and spit on her. No charges were filed because she was uninjured and had admitted to striking Sherman as well.…

Dominic Holt-Reid Doesn’t Want Any More Babies

October 11, 2010 at 9:56 am by  

Columbus, OH – Dominic Holt-Reid, 27, was jailed Wednesday after he allegedly pulled a gun on his pregnant girlfriend and forced her to drive to an abortion clinic, threatening to shoot her if she didn’t. The woman, 26-year-old Yolanda Burgess, told police she and Holt-Reid had just dropped their 4-year-old son off at nursery school and were heading to the clinic for an appointment when she decided she didn’t want to go through with the procedure. The change of heart apparently displeased the man. Burgess said Holt-Reid reached into the glove-box and pulled out a .45 and told her that she was going to make that appointment or he was going to shoot and cause her to miscarry. When the two arrived at the clinic, Burgess wrote a note detailing her situation and passed it to a clinic employee. The employee called police and Holt-Reid was arrested in the parking lot – the gun was found tucked in his waistband. He’s been booked on charges of kidnapping and carrying a concealed weapon.…

Columbus, GA – Some of you may recall a story we posted back in May concerning an incident at a popular playground in Columbus. Long story short, someone taped several box-cutter type razor blades to the handles and steps of the slides and other playground equipment for shits and giggles. Fortunately, the blades were spotted and removed before any blood was spilled. Well, it appears as if the police have arrested the douchebags responsible for the evil act. Derek Fullum, 21, and Gary Bryan, 18, have admitted to planting the blades as a joke…they just wanted to see what would happen. “They say that they did not target the children even though they put these razor blades on playground equipment that was played with by children. They classified it as a party prank,” said Columbus Police Chief Ricky Boren. “They also told us about other times they had been to the park and vandalized some of the areas. One individual made a statement that they wanted to see how it would change lives of people.” Both have been charged with criminal damage to property in the first-degree and are being held in the Muscogee County Jail.…

Columbus, Ohio – For those of you in the mood for some eye-candy this morning, I give you Marla Hooch. Oops,  I meant Lois Harvey. Not only does this 40-year old babe have the looks, she has the brains to match. On the morning of May 5, Lois Harvey casually entered a Columbus Chase bank wearing sunglasses and handed a teller a note. When Harvey noticed an off-duty officer was standing in line behind her, she grabbed the note back from the teller and ran. The officer chased after Harvey and caught her outside. Harvey stuffed the note into her mouth and tried to swallow it, but, like a cat with a hairball, she ended up coughing it back up onto the sidewalk. Lois Harvey was arrested and her bond was set at bond at $250,085. Honestly, I am in love with her pouty face. It’s the same look Jaded gives me every time I forget to post a new Barry Manilow video on her Facebook profile. Between her and Morbid’s demands for more nude pics of Bea Arthur, I’m lucky to get any writing done at all some days.…

Columbus, OH – When 19-year-old Danielle Pickens showed up at her cousin Evelyn’s house for Easter dinner wearing short jean shorts and a midriff baring t-shirt, Evelyn came straight the fuck unglued. According to her, Danielle’s outfit was “inappropriate and disrespectful” to wear to Easter dinner. But, according to family members, Evelyn started getting all worked up only after she noticed that her husband noticed Danielle’s revealing outfit. Hmmmm. A fight ensued, with Evelyn accusing Danielle of “flaunting her body,” and for a time, the two struggled over a baseball bat. Danielle’s sister broke up the fight and escorted Danielle out of the house and into her car. As the two were settling into the car, Evelyn stormed out of the house with a gun, pulled Danielle out of the vehicle by her hair and shot her once in the head. She then walked back into the house, told everyone what she did and calmly called the police. …

The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions

October 15, 2009 at 12:40 pm by  

Columbus, OH – She pulled up at Burlington Coat Factory in a Hummer stretch limo on Tuesday. She claimed that she had won $1.5 million in the lottery and dammit, if you wanted a new coat or some clothes, she was buying, as long as you didn’t spend more than $500. She told customers to call their friends and family – get ’em down here and get ’em some free clothing – she’d be there with her money until the store closed. And come, they did. One customer said she didn’t need clothes, but needed help with rent. The newly rich philanthropist didn’t even blink as she wrote the check. The customers were piling in – there were about 500 wandering through the aisles and getting their purchases tallied, and there were about 1,000 people outside the store waiting to get in. And everyone got a two new outfits and coats and lived happily ever after – their faith in the kindness of their fellow man restored. The end. Ha! Yeah right.…

Columbus, Ohio Love at first sight:  the topic of many pieces of literature and even more poems. It’s actually a very strange thing, this love upon first glance. It often makes total strangers engage in conversation with wild flirtations and wilder fantasies. Sometimes that draw or gut instinct is right on track. It’s interesting, in some new age religious circles, these urges or feelings are made known for one reason:  your paths are meant to cross. The very real feelings trigger curiosity and that curiosity triggers action and sometimes, upon the first few moments in time, you feel like you’ve met that person before or that you’ve known each other for forever. And so when Stephfon Bennett showed up on the doorstep of Diana Martinez, he felt love and she felt she had met him before. Perhaps it was due to him allegedly robbing her two hours prior……

Columbus, Ohio – Authorities went on a scavenger hunt late last week after an assistant manager for the West bay Apartments called 911. “Could you please send a detective or homicide detective over?” they asked, “We believe we have body parts in our pond and in one of our dumpsters.” It didn’t take authorities long to set up orange traffic cones and little flags all around the pond and the building after finding the reports were true. One guy interviewed seem to be thoroughly disgusted at the spectacle or perhaps it was disgust at the revelation of what had actually occurred. And it didn’t take long before investigators ended up at the residence of Robert Knight. Armed with a search warrant and perhaps a bit of an appetite, one detective opened his freezer only to find the regular frozen groceries – ice, popsicles, a head, a couple arms – you know, the normal stuff.…

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