WAUKEGAN, IL — The father in Illinois who used a needle and thread to sew his teenage son’s ass shut has avoided jail time by taking a plea.

Back in 2008, 52-year-old Randy Swopes employed a particularly crude home remedy on his 14-year-old son’s ass that ended with his son staying in the hospital for a spell and him getting charged with aggravated battery.

The boy suffers from Crohn’s Disease and at the time of the incident he was also suffering from a fistula. I’m guessing an anal fistula, which is not only a decent name for a death metal band, it is also very painful.

Instead of taking the boy to the hospital for treatment, Swopes went the ‘Tussin route and brought out some needle and thread that he used to sew his son’s butt shut.

Not surprisingly, this resulted in an infection that landed the boy in the hospital for a month and Swopes getting himself arrested.

Last Friday, Swopes represented himself in court and took an Alfred plea, the kind of plea where someone doesn’t have to plead guilty but admits that there is enough evidence to convict them.…


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