ARGENTINA – A 26-year-old woman in Argentina has been accused of using garden shears to cut off a man’s genitals.

The incident happened on Saturday night in an affluent neighborhood in Cordoba. That’s where Brenda Barattini used garden shears to cut off the genitals of 40-year-old Sergio Fernandez, a singer of the reggae\ska band La Coca Fernandez.

Sergio lived, but Brenda did some serious, life-long damages. According to reports, she didn’t just take a little off the top, she took off everything — the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.

Sergio was rushed to the hospital where he underwent surgery to save his life, but it was unclear if doctor’s where able to reattach anything. As for a motive behind Brenda mutilating Sergio… well that depends on who is telling the story.

Brenda’s lawyer said his client was just defending herself from a sexual attack. He says that Brenda invited Sergio over to her apartment, and that once he was inside he tried to rape her. She was just acting in self-defense, he said.…

Buenos Aires — An 85-year-old woman in Argentina was left in critical condition after a cat thrown from a fourth-floor apartment during a heated argument landed on her head.

It apparently went a little something like this….

An unidentified man and his wife were arguing Saturday when the husband reportedly picked up the family cat and hurled it at his wife. The agile woman ducked and the cat went flying out an open window.

The victim just happened to be strolling down the sidewalk right about then, and took a direct hit to the brain space by the falling feline. She was left with a fractured skull.

The cat did not survive the landing. At this point, it is unclear whether the alleged feline flinger will face any charges.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to catch the last Greyhound Bus directly to hell ’cause I totally snortgiggled at the visual.…

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