FORT PIERCE, FL – Police in Florida arrested a man for giving his girlfriend a “wet willy” during an argument.

Ah, Florida Man. You are crude, violent and shameless, bereft of common sense and common decency, and inevitably oh-so-entertaining.

And you are prone to stick your willy where it doesn’t belong.

Sometimes it’s an underaged orifice, sometimes it’s just an unreceptive one. Sometimes it’s a knothole in a fence or even a dead animal.

Sometimes it’s not even really a willy.

St. Lucie County, Florida denizen Joseph Jean Sireci, 47, took domestic abuse into the realm of the ludicrous in a quintessential Homo floridius manner.

On August 15th, Sireci’s better half came home from a long day at work to find him laying on the living room floor, unshaven and stinking of booze, drunk as a blind weasel and just as testy.

Sources don’t specify, but I imagine she had something to say to his worthless ass. He definitely had something to say back.

She would later tell authorities that Sireci was “arguing with her and being rude,” so she decided to take the kids and go to a friend’s house.…

CHARLESTON, WV – A television meteorologist has been charged with battery after she cracked the skull of her station’s news anchor during an argument over a man.

According to police, WSAZ-TV news anchor Erica Bivens was at a bar drinking with her husband when they ran into the station’s weather girl, 26-year-old Chelsea Ambriz.

Ambriz, who worked with Bivens on the 4 p.m. forecast, allegedly began flirting with Bivens’ husband. He turned her down and went back to stand with his wife.

When he told her what had just happened, Bivens walked over to Ambriz and confronted her. Ambriz became physically aggressive and started pushing Bivens.

Both women grappled and ended up falling near the bar, causing Bivens to suffer a fractured skull and a ruptured eardrum.

Bivens told police she had problems with Ambriz being aggressive with her in the past.

Ambriz was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery and now facing a year in jail if convicted. Ambriz told friends she has been suspended from her job.…

ARLINGTON, TN – A mother in Tennessee has been charged after she left her 6-month-old child in a car so she could go into a restaurant to drink Margaritas.

A couple were leaving the Cazadores Mexican Grill one evening last month when they heard a baby crying in the parking lot.

After a quick search, they found a baby in the back seat of a vehicle that was not running with the windows partially rolled down. Even worse, the doors were unlocked.

The outside temperature outside at the time was 92 degrees so the temperature inside the vehicle were quite a bit higher. The couple stated the baby did not seem to need emergency medical assistance, but she was sweating and obviously not happy about her situation.

The couple called 911 and emergency responders arrived at the scene to check on the child. It was only then that 26-year-old Rachel Vanwagner ran out of the restaurant barefoot to claim the infant.

She told police she purposefully left her child in the car for about 30 minutes so she could take part in the National Tequila Day festivities and had only been in the restaurant for about 30 minutes.…

THAILAND – A man in Thailand confessed to cutting off his employee’s penis then throwing the detached member to his pet dogs to eat.

According to reports, 39-year-old Suwit Tipjantha was drinking at the home of his employer, 50-year-old Permsak Petprasert.

When they ran out of alcohol, Permsak and another man left to buy more while leaving Suwit at the home with Permsak’s wife, who was sleeping in another room.

When Permsak returned home, he was greeted by his frantic wife running out of the house claiming that while they were gone Suwit had come into her room and began stroking her arm.

“Me and another friend came back and my wife was screaming,” Permsak said. “She ran to me and said that Suwit had went into the room while she was sleeping and touched her.”

When Permsak went inside his home he witnessed Suwit coming out of his wife’s room wearing only his shorts.

Furious, Permsak attacked Suwit with a hammer rendering him unconscious. This is probably a good thing for Suwit because of what Permsak did next.…

LAKEWAY, TX — A woman has been arrested after she passed out after locking her and her 10-year-old son in a car as temperatures outside reached over 100°.

According to police, the boy woke up inside the car after his mother, 34-year-old Adriane Moss, had parked it with the windows rolled up.

As the temperatures climbed inside the car, the boy eventually called 911 for help after sitting in the locked car for about an hour with his unresponsive mother.

According to Lakeway Dispatch, the boy could be heard on the call asking his mother to roll down the windows. She could be heard replying “no.”

When police arrived at the scene, Moss was seen getting out of the car. She and her son both had “sweaty and matted hair,” according to police who also stated the interior of the car was in excess of 123 degrees.

Moss also smelled of alcohol when talking to the officers and was stumbling around. She reportedly ignored officers’ questions, and at one point told her son to “get out of her life.”

Moss was arrested and charged with abandoning or endangering a child.…

SELMA, NC – A woman is facing animal cruelty charges after she drank a potentially lethal amount of alcohol before getting behind the wheel of her vehicle.

The not-so-nice lady with the “rode hard and put away wet” look is Gloria Denise Mitchell, and, believe it or not, she is only 45.

How do you get that rough-looking in just 45 years? Techniques vary from harridan to harridan; Gloria’s time-tested technique is alcohol, and lots of it.

She exceeded even her own usual excess on the evening of July 5th at an upper-crust lodging facility known as the Knights Inn (please keep your sexual innuendos to yourselves).

It was there she swilled enough booze to clock in at an impressive 0.347% BAC, just one one-hundredth of a percentage point away from .357, which is the exact diameter of the high-powered pistol bullet that she probably deserves.

After impressing her fellow sophisticates with her alcoholic acumen, she decided to show off her similarly sharp driving skills by driving her pickup truck across the Knights Inn’s parking lot in reverse like a Heimlich-launched wad of gristly, overcooked meat from the throat of a choking, whore-spawned degenerate.…

CONROE, TX – Police have arrested a woman they say bit off and swallowed a portion of her neighbor’s nose.

The victim, Tatianna, said last week she went out drinking with her neighbor and 41-year-old Jessica Collins.

Tatianna said Collins was staying with her neighbor temporarily and that she had never met the woman until that day.

After enjoying an evening of drinking at a local bar, the trio returned to Tatianna’s home. Collins wasn’t ready to call it a night and demanded more alcohol and cigarettes.

When Tatianna refused and asked the two women to leave, Collins reportedly attacked Tatianna like a rabid animal. She allegedly pounced on top of her and bit off a substantial portion of Tatianna’s nose.

Collins must have been a tad bit hungry too because she decided to swallow it.

Tatianna said that she did not have time to react, and all she could remember was the taste of blood in her mouth. She did not realize most of her nose was missing until she was on the way to the hospital.…

BRAZIL – A woman died after she fell onto a broken wine glass while celebrating Brazil’s World Cup win over Serbia.

Tamra Maiochi, 30, was with friends last Wednesday watching Brazil play against Serbia in the World Cup.

She was sitting on a couch with a mobile phone in one hand and a crystal glass of wine in the other when Brazil won the match.

Maiochi jumped up from the couch to celebrate the victory with her friends but lost her balance.

As she reached out for a coffee table to stop her from falling, she ended up falling onto the wine glass.

A shard of broken glass penetrated her neck and sliced open her jugular vein.

Friends wrapped towels around her neck in an attempt to stop the bleeding, but the poor woman would bleed to death before paramedics arrived.

Maiochi made some unintentionally foreshadowing posts on Facebook before her death, including one of her holding a wine glass as well as another about not using a mobile phone while driving.…

RICHMOND, KY – Police have arrested a couple after their 18-year-old daughter was found locked inside a cage in their home’s basement.

Police were performing a welfare check at the home of Tito and Shannon Felix, 50 and 51, when they went down to the basement that was littered with animal feces.

Also in the basement was the couple’s 18-year-old daughter. She was locked inside a wooden cage that measured seven feet long, 43 inches tall and 46 inches wide.

The cage was equipped with latches on the outside, a combination lock and a child’s toilet that was full of piss and shit.

When police asked the couple why in the hell was their adult daughter locked up inside the cage, they responded that the girl suffered from fetal alcohol syndrome and would sleepwalk.

So, they explained, keeping her locked in the cage at night so she “doesn’t get out and we can get some sleep.”

The couple was arrested on the spot and charged with unlawful imprisonment and criminal abuse.…

ENGLAND – A 19-year-old woman has been sentenced to over a decade in jail after painting her face like a clown and stabbing her boyfriend five times during sex.

The incident happened last year after 19-year-old Zoe Adams and her 17-year-old boyfriend, Kieran Bewick, had smoked some weed and drank some vodka.

Bewick felt sick and decided to lay down in Adam’s bed. She followed him after downing a few more shots of vodka and was now wearing clown makeup.

“She walked in with her hands behind her back and asked: ‘Does this scare you?’,” Bewick would later tell police. “She had diamond eyes, and a Joker mouth, with red lipstick on the lips, and she had her hands behind her back. She had a weird smirk on her face.”

Adams asked Bewick if she could tie him up in bed, to which Bewick declined. So Adams told him to at least put a pillow over his face because the sex would be kinkier.

After Bewick covered his face with a pillow Adams stabbed Bewick in the chest with a 10-inch knife.…

PINE RIDGE, SD – A 30-year-old woman in South Dakota will plead guilty to beating her toddler to death after the boy wet the bed.

We’ve first reported on 30-year-old Katrina Shangreaux back in 2016 when she was arrested and charged with the murder of 2-year-old Kylen Shangreaux.

Shangreaux has now admitted to the murder in a written statement. In the document, Shangreaux admits she was drunk and on drugs when she got mad at her son for wetting the bed.

She says on top of the bed wetting her son “gave her a sideways look” and called her “Angie,” the name of the boy’s paternal aunt who had cared for him the year prior before. A month before the boy’s murder, Shangreaux had regained custody of her son after winning a June 2016 custody battle.

IOn response to the boy’s alleged actions, Shangreaux hit the child multiple times with her hands and a belt, threw him to the ground, kicked him in the abdomen and head, and bit him several times – including biting his genitals.…

JASPER, FL – Police have arrested a man who allegedly left his toddler outside overnight as Irma passed through the city.

The mother of the 19-month-old called police Sunday night to report her daughter was missing.

She said the girl’s father, 36-year-old Angelo Mitchell, left the house with the girl but returned a couple of hours later without her.

When questioned by police, an intoxicated Mitchell admitted he had been watching his daughter and had been drinking, but denied ever taking the girl out of the house. He said the girl was safe and probably with a family friend.

With Irma passing through the city, police dogs had problems locating the missing girl’s scent in the storm. It wouldn’t be until the next day that a neighbor found the girl lying in the yard of a home 400 to 500 yards away.

She was alive ( a rarity for this site) but her skin appeared purple and was covered in scratches and bug bites. Authorities believe the girl was left exposed to the storm’s rain and wind gusts the entire night.…


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