In The Mean Time...

Hey, wondering where we went? No worries, we are just changing format and conducting some testing before we flip the switch. For now, you can get all of our new stuff by clicking here.. We aren't quite ready to switch quite yet, but the end result will be a continuous flow of dark and often day-wrecking content from our regular authors as well as other members. It's a work in progress and we are still working on some design and function stuff, but the updated content is now coming through.

Donna Toure Is A Cheap Date

March 5, 2010 at 8:39 am by  

Cincinnati, OH – I’d like to introduce Donna Toure. For a hooker, she ain’t too bad, huh? With the right amount of desperation and a great pair of beer goggles, she could even be considered hot. Based on her looks from the face up, what do you think she charges for her services? Fifty? Twenty bucks? Nah – according to police, she’ll do ya for a five spot and a jawbreaker. Donna was arrested Thursday evening after she allegedly offered her services to an undercover police officer. Though the particular sex act hasn’t been disclosed, I’d have to assume it was a blow job. Right? I mean, no woman in her right mind is gonna give away the good stuff for anything less than a ten-dollar bill and value size pack of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Donna, 32, was caged in the county jail on prostitution charges. She also had a couple of outstanding warrants – one for a previous prostitution offense and one for child endangering. She was busted last year for leaving her three children, ages 4, 2, and 1, home alone.…

PORTLAND, Ore. – A 49-year-old woman from Portland met a 14-year-old boy from Tennessee back in July 2009 while playing World of Warcraft – one of the lamest goddamn games ever created, btw. The online chatting between the two eventually turned sexual in nature, with each sending the other nude photos of themselves. This led to Sallie Lawson Fifield being arrested at her home on Wednesday, charged with enticement and transfer of obscene material. But I am sure that this case will be treated without bias and the same as if this had been a 49-year-old man trading pictures of his cock for masturbation pics of an overweight, 14-year-old girl with self-esteem issues. Right? I’m not sure if I am more embarrassed for Fifield because she sent nudes of herself to a 14-year-old boy, or because she is playing WoW. It’s a toss up, actually. But stories like these do help solidify my belief that you will find no larger group of online cougars than you will find on World of Warcraft.…

Every month, Amazon highlights some books that their editors feel are the best new reads in fiction and nonfiction, making them available at a discount all month long. So we have decided that every month we will take a look at this list and put it through the D’D filter, taking out any crap that may have terms like “young adult”, “heartwarming” and “inspiring” attached to them – leaving a much better list of the dark, morbid and macabre. I won’t sit here and pretend to care if some of you open-mouth breathers pry your eyes off of Maury long enough to crack a book, as I don’t care if you stay dumb. I NEED some of you to serve me my $5 Box at Taco Bell and to wash my car. This monthly section is more for fans of D’D who also like to read a good book on occasion. So for you, feel free to jump into the discussion with your observations or chime in if you have already read any of the books we feature.…

OCALA, Fla. – 17-year-old Shannon Marie Mitchell had a grudge against her boyfriend’s 15-year-old ex-girlfriend. So she decided to wage a campaign of harassment whose ultimate goal would be to ruin the younger teen’s reputation. She started by taking the girl’s Myspace pics and posting them, along with her phone number, to an online porn site (from the video it looks like the porn site is actually 4chan). This action resulted in the young girl getting phone calls from strangers asking for sexual favors and more pics. Police were eventually brought in and Mitchell was questioned by investigators. The Vanguard High School senior did not seem to take things seriously when she was interviewed, admitting she did it and did not plan to stop harassing the girl. I’m guessing she started taking things seriously sometime after she was arrested on a felony charge of of aggravated cyberstalking of a victim younger than 16 years old and then transported to a Juvenile Assessment Center.…

Jeffery Sexton: Another Real Life Boogeyman

March 4, 2010 at 7:15 am by  

Tucson, AZ – Authorities allege that at around 1:30 Monday morning, 32-year-old Jeffery Sexton slithered into the bedroom a 10-year-old special needs boy and molested him. After violating the child, Sexton crawled out of the window and vanished into the night. The child’s parents called 911 believing they had been burglarized – while officers were en route, the child told them what really happened. He said the man entered his room, held a hand over his mouth, and sexually assaulted him. Just hours before the assault, another deputy in the area noticed a suspicious vehicle in front of the boy’s home and jotted down a description of the vehicle and a tag number.  When the burglary call was broadcast, that deputy recognized the home address and ran the information he took from the vehicle. Officials say that, and a description from the child, led them straight to Sexton. The monstrous fuck has been charged with burglary, molestation of a child and sexual conduct with a minor. Bond has been set at $200,000.…

Michael Welliver Left His Mark

March 4, 2010 at 6:04 am by  

Springfield, OH – Demonites, let’s say you meet someone you are really into. That someone is perfect for you in every way – except one – he/she has a tattoo on his/her ass that you just can’t fucking stand to look at. Do you: a) Stop looking at it. b) Offer to pay to have the offensive thing removed. c) Threaten to slice it off with a meat cleaver. Decisions, decisions. According to authorities, Michael Welliver chose ‘c‘. It is alleged that on February 19th, Michael and his girlfriend got into an argument about the tat she had on her ass. Michael told her he didn’t like it and she should have it removed. He then grabbed a meat cleaver from underneath his bed and gave the girl an ultimatum:  let him remove the tattoo with the cleaver or let him carve something into her chest. The victim said that Michael then sat on her, used a blue pocket knife with a razor blade on the end and carved “I Luv Mike Welliver” on the upper part of her breast.…

What A Couple Of Morons…

March 3, 2010 at 12:50 pm by  

Philadelphia, PA – Last Saturday, a couple and their 4-year-old son walked into the Platinum and Ice Jewelry store and asked to look at some women’s rings. After eyeing several rings, the two created some kind of diversion that led a store employee to buzz open the security door for the female, who was later identified as Sheakia Stubbs. As she was holding the door open, her companion, John Benson, dropped one of the rings he was examining. When the salesperson bent down to pick it up, Benson snatched a tray of rings worth about $100,000 from under the counter, grabbed his son, and beat feet out of the store while stuffing the rings into a shopping bag. Multi-tasking FTW! The store owner and an employee gave chase, finally catching up to the couple a few blocks away. At some point during the verbal confrontation, Benson whipped out a knife and slashed the store owner’s neck. With that, Benson and Stubbs were on the run again. But the dumbasses left something behind – their kid.…

Hyannis, MA – Most people have a vision for their marriage and honeymoon. They spend months upon months planning for the big day. They have flowers, photographers, and a long flowing train. After the nuptials, they are whisked away in a limousine to the Bahamas for a week of sun, sex, and crappy daiquiris with the little umbrellas sticking out of them. Well, a young lady by the name of Ann Putignano-Keene had the same idea, but she put her own white trash spin on it. It seems after the big wedding at town hall, the 22 year old and her new 37 year old husband, Timothy Keene, decided to split a bottle of the finest bubbly they could find. (My sources tell me that Tito’s Booze N Go was out of Mad Dog 20/20). After getting crunk up celebrating their new marriage, it was off on their honeymoon. Bahamas? Caribbean? Ooooooh, how about Tahiti? Nope. How about – to the parking lot to run over her new hubby’s old hookup.…

“I Am The Monster”

March 3, 2010 at 9:48 am by  

Tavares, FL – It takes a special breed of asshole to go around pinchin’ babies and bending their little fingers and toes back with the intent to cause pain and tears. And look, we have a member of that special breed right here. Demonites, meet Robert Young. He’s a monster. Just ask him, he’ll tell ya. A woman, who I am assuming is Young’s girlfriend, had her 2-month-old daughter seen at the hospital early Tuesday morning because the child just wouldn’t stop crying. And for good reason – poor little thing had multiple rib fractures, both old and new. During questioning, Young admitted that he was responsible for the baby’s injuries. “I am the monster,” he said. He told police that on at least seven separate occasions in the last month, he had beaten and squeezed the infant’s chest hard enough to cause injury. And that was just the beginning… …

PURCELL, Okla. – A 13-year-old girl was not real happy with Tina Swayze, the principal of Purcell Intermediate School, after she suspended her on Feb 18th. The girl demonstrated this by grabbing Swayze by the neck and choking her. By time teacher Deann Newman came in to help, the girl was slamming Swayze’s head into a door frame. Not pleased with Newman’s interruption, the girl opened a can of kickass on her as well by ripping her necklace from her throat, slapping, punching and kicking her. After being restrained by the two women, she eventually calmed down enough for them to let her up but “psych!” – the girl immediately began her assault again, pulling their hair and trying to bite them. It took a total of five employees to restrain the girl, who now faces charges of assault and battery on a school employee. She was ordered to to lock-down in a juvenile facility.…

Gun Totin’ Momma Finds Perv In Teen’s Room

March 3, 2010 at 7:11 am by  

Tuscaloosa, AL – Matthew Rogers, 28, must be a master at the whole grooming thing. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not trying to be mean or shallow, but look at him. Guys like him don’t fare well with the ladies. How he managed to attract a 14-year-old girl is beyond me. I possess a girl child of the same age, and according to her, there is no way in hell. Matthew met the teen on the internet, though how long they have been acquainted is unknown at this point. Last week, he decided he was going to meet the teen and started off on a road trip. He left his home in Cincinnati and drove to Louisville, Kentucky. Once there, he left his vehicle at the airport and rented a car for the last leg of his journey. I’m not exactly sure when he landed his pervy ass in Tuscaloosa, but he made himself known on Sunday. …

Trouser Snake On A Plane

March 3, 2010 at 5:21 am by  

Denver, CO – Flying is awesome – other passengers, however, are not. If you’re lucky, you get seated next to some misanthropic stuck-up bitch like me. Someone who has absolutely nothing to say to you and is more than happy to spend the entire flight doodling on the back of the barf bag. Draw that unlucky straw, though, and you could get stuck sitting next to someone like Murali Krishna Nookella. He’ll provide you with his own brand of in-flight entertainment – the taming of his one-eyed trouser snake. A woman traveling alone drew Nookella as a seat mate on a flight from Philadelphia to Denver. When she sat down, Nookella started in with the questions. She made it clear that she wasn’t in the mood for conversation when she put on her earphones and pulled out her laptop and fired it up. She got slightly annoyed to find Nookella looking over her shoulder and reading her e-mail, so she gave him one of those “What the fuck you think you’re doing” looks.…

  • The Pulpit of Doom Podcast





  • Recent Comments

  • Prophets of Doom

    Be sure to pick up the DD crApp for Android. Coming to iTunes soon.