In The Mean Time...

Hey, wondering where we went? No worries, we are just changing format and conducting some testing before we flip the switch. For now, you can get all of our new stuff by clicking here.. We aren't quite ready to switch quite yet, but the end result will be a continuous flow of dark and often day-wrecking content from our regular authors as well as other members. It's a work in progress and we are still working on some design and function stuff, but the updated content is now coming through.

Owensboro, KY – The lovely lady you see to the left is 31-year-old Toni Tramel. She was recently arrested and hauled into jail for being shit-faced in public, a misdemeanor. That’s not what landed her on the front page of the Dreamin’ Demon though – she earned her spot here because of the antics she pulled while being booked. According to the inmate incident report, Toni was too intoxicated to shimmy into her jail issued monkey suit without assistance, so Officer Lula Brown was in the shower room with her to lend a hand. After she was ordered to remove her shirt and bra, Toni allegedly grabbed a handful of tit, aimed, and fired a stream of freshly squeezed breast milk right to Brown’s face. Her attempt at a second shot was foiled, however, when another deputy entered the room and promptly placed a smock over the offending jugs. Officer Brown, sporting a milk mustache, successfully underwent a bio-hazard decontamination and *insert massive eye-roll* is expected to fully recover. I think the whole decontamination thing was just a wee bit over the top, expressed human breast milk is not a bio-hazard.…

Queens, NY- The continuous abuse for an 11-month old English Bulldog named Spike finally came to an end on February 24. ASPCA investigators were called to a home after witnesses reported hearing a dog crying. A witness armed with a cell phone recorded Maria Aguilar, 36, throwing the small pooch to the ground and then striking him several times with a snow shovel. At first, Aguilar denied beating her dog, but permitted ASPCA officials to take him to the hospital. Officials discovered that this was not the first time the dog had suffered abuse. The ASPCA learned Aguilar’s husband had taken the dog to a veterinarian a dozen times over the past seven months where it was discovered the dog was suffering from a fractured hip, broken leg, three broken teeth, injuries to his ears and is also virtually blind in his right eye. …

Yelm, WA – Aside from her ridiculous eye make-up, 20-year old Aliese Marie Gatlin showed the world in October of last year just how much of an idiot she really is.  Within minutes after she placed a Percocet pill in her 9-month old daughter’s formula bottle on Oct. 22, the baby went to sleep, then started to make gurgling noises and would not wake up. Gatlin called 911, but told medical professionals that someone else must have drugged her baby. Because she had stopped breathing, the baby was flown to Mary Bridge Children’s Hospital in Tacoma. At Mary Bridge, the baby tested positive for opiates, which could have been derived from the Percocet, and for benzodiazepines, a family of sedatives that includes Xanax. Because her veins were collapsing the paramedics had to insert an IV directly into the baby’s bone marrow.…

Chicago – The piece of shit displayed today is 32-yr. old Edward Floyd. He was already in jail for child molestation when he sexually assaulted two children, including a 4-yr. old girl, back in November 2007 and was linked through DNA evidence. Floyd now faces solicitation of murder charges after police say he tried to hire someone to murder his two victims, their parents, and two others. Floyd is held in the maximum security division of the jail and is in protective custody. He is only permitted to leave his cell for one hour a day and during that hour he told other inmates he wanted to find someone to carry out a killing for him. The sheriff’s Criminal Intelligence Unit caught wind of Floyd’s plan and arranged for an undercover officer to pose as a hit man. Floyd wrote a detailed letter to the officer which included the family’s address and where the children slept. …

Doctor Spit On And Beaten In ER

March 8, 2010 at 12:35 pm by  

Chicago – Either Dennis Rushing, 38, dislikes being treated by a doctors or he was just born an asshole. I’m betting on the latter. Around 8:45 p.m. Sunday night Rushing went to the ER to be treated for an undisclosed ailment. While a doctor was attending to him, Rushing began to cough and spit in the doctor’s face. The doctor left Rushing to clean himself up and then returned with a surgical mask for Rushing to wear. Rushing became enraged and started punching the doctor in the face and knocking him to the ground. Security was called and they detained Rushing until police arrived. After a search police found .32-caliber bullets in Rushing’s pocket, but no gun. Rushing was charged with aggravated battery of first aid personnel and also with having the ammunition. The doctor sustained scratches, bruising and a loose tooth.…

Cudjoe Key, Florida – I have always wanted to use that headline. Never really thought I would get to, but thanks to 37-year-old Megan Mariah Barnes I get to cross something off my list. Police say that she was driving to meet her boyfriend and wanted to make sure her vagina didn’t look like a panting dog, so she got her former husband to hold the steering wheel while she shaved her bikini line. This resulted in the pair running into the back of a pickup truck whose two passengers receiving minor injuries.  Barnes was charged with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, driving with no insurance, and of leaving the scene of a wreck with injuries. Yes, a revoked license. See, the day before Barnes had lost her license for five years because of drunk driving. She faces up to a year in jail. Traffic cop Gary Dunick said: “If I wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have believed it. Nothing will ever beat this.”

This week on Lost, the Temple becomes ground zero for the war between good and evil. The Other John Locke (Terry O’Quinn) sets his plan in motion with the help of a few familiar faces. Meanwhile, in the alternate reality (in which Oceanic 815 never crashed) we check in with Sayid as he struggles with questions regarding his true nature. Noticeably absent from this episode were Hurley (Jorge Garcia), Jack (Matthew Fox) and Sawyer (Josh Holloway), the last of which had – when we last saw him – decided to become a dedicated desciple of Evil Incarnate. From here on in…BEWARE TEH SPOILRZ!!!…

UPDATE 3/9/10 – New Orleans police have confirmed that a body pulled from the Mississippi River earlier today is that of Douglas Schantz. It is believed he accidentally drowned.

NEW ORLEANS – I grew up in south Louisiana, so even as I stand at my kitchen window to look out on the still-melting snow of my Midwestern back yard, any mention of the area around New Orleans makes me break out in a sweat, curse the humidity, and hear endless frog-song. Yes, I have a love-hate thing with that part of the country, but in no instance do I want to run my eyes over any Louisiana-based news story that includes the suggestion that “Foul play is suspected,” but this is one of them. 54-year-old Douglas Schantz, head of Houston-based Sequent Energy Management, was last seen about 2:00 a.m. Friday on Bourbon Street, clad in suit jacket and tie, by colleagues who had accompanied him to a ceremony marking a donation to Tulane University’s energy graduate program. Concern arose when Schantz failed to make his expected Friday morning meeting at the airport with with daughter, failed to show up for a noon staff meeting, and was later reported by his wife as having not returned home.…

Richard Calderon Says It Was Self-Defense

March 7, 2010 at 2:36 am by  

HOUSTON – I have a couple of suggestions for any readers who might be offender-wannabes or perpetrators-in-training: (1) Kill yourself now. (2) Barring that, be a dumbass and make frightening terroristic threats to the wrong people so you’ll get your ass locked up just by opening your mouth. [Bomb comments at airports are very effective in this manner.] (3) Barring (1) and (2), do whatever-the-fuck it is that you think you need to do, but don’t come in after the fact and try to feed us some obvious horseshit about what went down and your motivations, which makes you look like a fucking moron and is so insulting to any involved victims that your score on the General Worth as a Human Being scale plummets even further into the negative numbers. Case in point: 24-year-old Richard Calderon. Wednesday night, Sonya Randle, her 13-year-old daughter Alexis Wiley, and at  least one other passenger were on their way home from a high school basketball game when the Cadillac driven by Calderon struck Randle’s Altima.…

When A Good Otter Goes Bad

March 6, 2010 at 11:23 am by  

Venice, FL – The 911 call came in just after 4:00 Thursday morning:

Caller: Venice East Boulevard. Help!!

Dispatch: What’s happening at Venice East Boulevard?

Caller: There’s a man on the ground – an otter – I can’t get him off. Hurry please.

Dispatch: There’s a man on the ground?

Caller: Yes ma’am.

Dispatch: And someone’s doing what?

Caller: An otter’s got him.

Dispatch: Who’s got him?

Caller: An otter?

Dispatch: An otter?

Caller: O-T-T-E-R! Please hurry, I can’t keep him off him.

Well now, that’s not something you hear every day, huh? Morrell Denton, 96, was taking a stroll that fateful Thursday morning when the pissed off otter crossed his path.

“I just looked down on the ground and I saw this little animal walking across and he walked across real slow,” Denton said. “And I looked down there and he grabbed me by the leg,” he said. “When I fell is when he grabbed my hand. I tried to pull him off with the other hand and he got hold of that hand.

Hammond, IN – Until recently, 25-year-old Michael T. Wilson of Valparaiso worked as a substitute teacher in elementary, middle school, and high school classes in at least three Indiana school districts. Further, according to his resume, when he wasn’t substituting or being a student and graduate research assistant in the psychology department at Valparaiso University, he provided in-home care to developmentally disabled children as young as age 6. This normally would be the point at which I’d make some “Wow-don’t-you-want-to-pinch-his-chubby-cheeks-for-being-such-a-great-young-man” remark before delivering the well-known inverted DD coup de grâce (which involves me revealing to you how horrible this “great young man” really is after laughingly setting him up to be maybe not so bad), except that I actually know how horrible he is, and frankly, I just don’t have it in me. Lots more after the jump, but here’s the lowdown: after being investigated by the FBI over a span of years, Wilson was arrested Monday after it was discovered he had been distributing items from his library of an estimated 90,000+ child pornography images and videos.…

Suicide Or A Sausage Biscuit?

March 5, 2010 at 9:43 am by  

Mercer, PA – Patrick Magargee, 26, woke up on Valentines Day and decided it was as good a day as any to commit suicide. He went about with his preparations – he was going leave this world in flames. He doused the floors of his sister’s trailer with gas and kerosene, lit a roll of paper towels and tossed it into the middle of the mess. Not one of the better suicide methods out there, if you ask me, because fire is like, hot. You gotta really want to die to go out that way. Once the fire was started, he changed his mind. He attempted to douse the flames with water, but was unsuccessful. Sooooo, he decided to head out to McDonald’s for some breakfast. That task accomplished, Patrick hunted down his stepbrother so they could play video games. One thing, though – dumbass never called 911. Luckily, a neighbor saw the flames before the whole damn trailer park went up in smoke. Fire investigators didn’t have a problem determining the fire was intentionally set, the burn patterns told all.…

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