In The Mean Time...

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Nashua, NH – Erica Grafton admits her boyfriend, 26-year-old Joseph Miller Sr., has an anger problem, but says he’s a good daddy who would never hurt a child. I mean, she’s been in a relationship with the guy for nearly two years and her two-year-old daughter remains unbroken. What more proof does one need? After finding out her infant son was suffering from a skull fracture and several broken ribs, Erica tried blaming the abuse on relatives who had cared for the child earlier this month. The month old infant, who was initially seen at the hospital for thrush, was found bruised and broken with injuries that were at least 7-10 days old. When questioned, Miller told authorities that after arguing with his baby momma, he pulled the infant out of his crib and may have squeezed too hard. Oh yeah, and he also bashed the kid’s head into a doorjamb while walking into a room. Erica’s explanation for Miller’s admission? She says Miller had been taking sleeping pills before the interview and anything he said should be deemed unreliable.…

Florida – Today I bring you Ms. Fania Robinson, a 29-year-old nail technician. Rumor has it the word “Sweetie” is tattooed across her chest. I’m willing to bet there’s a few Demonites out there who would pay a few bucks to see that, huh? According to law enforcement, Fania and her boyfriend were arguing last month when she decided she’d had enough of his smart-ass mouth and tossed a pan full of boiling water on him. And aside from the hysterical screaming and the crying, that’ll shut ’em up every single time. The man was hospitalized with third-degree burns to his chest and arms and Fania was hauled off to the hoosegow and charged with aggravated battery. So far, bail has not been set. After minutes upon minutes of careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that Fania didn’t intend to harm the victim. Nope. I think she was fixin’ to get him all red and steamy and dunk his man bits in melted garlic butter – the girl looks hongry!…

Weehawken, NJ- Two men from Tennessee, who could possibly be relatives of Gomer Pyle, were driving through the Lincoln Tunnel last Friday morning when Port Authority cops pulled them over for a missing a license plate. When an officer asked the driver, 41-year old Donald Martin West, for his license, West handed it over along with a a Tennessee gun permit. The officer asked West why he gave him a gun permit and West responded, “I got a gun on me.” then, cheerfully added, “In the small of my back.” Stunned over West’s honesty, the officer delved further and asked if he had anything else on him, to which West replied, “Yes. There’s a bag of weed and some pipes.” Not stopping there, West also admitted he  had handcuffs, hollow-point bullets and an extra gun magazine. When the officer asked the passenger, 23-year old Troy Davis, if he had anything in the vehicle he wanted to admit, Davis pointed to the car’s ashtray and said, “There’s two blunts in the ashtray.”

WOODSTOCK, Ga. – Acting on an anonymous tip that a man was trying to buy a 5-year-old boy online, Cherokee Co. police searched 56-year-old Patrick Ange Molesti’s home and found child pornography on the computer they seized. Molesti, a French national, was not home at the time and police sure would like a word with him. “We don’t think there’s a specific 5-year-old boy that he’s looking for,” said Lt. Jay Baker. “That’s just the type of child he’s wanting, and apparently he was putting that information out there for anyone that’s willing to pay or provide one to him.” Described as 6-feet 1-inch tall and 200 pounds, possibly driving his 2002 Chevy Astro with Georgia tag BVX 1730. He may be armed. Anyone with any information about Molesti’s whereabouts is urged to call Cherokee County investigators at 770-928-0239. Great. A French pedophile. That’s worse then a French Canadian. Barely. Hell, his last name is practically a warning label. It’s like naming a girl Candy and being shocked when she grows up to be a stripper.…

Houston, Texas –  A second teacher has been fired at Robindell Private School because how they handled a boy with a habit of punching his classmates. Two months, classroom surveillance cameras caught 5-year-old Devarius Williams punching a young girl and an exasperated teacher throwing her hands up and instructing the girl to hit him back. She got fired for that. Now another teacher has been fired after a recent field trip to Chuck E. Cheese. A field trip where Damien…er, Devarius punched a young girl in the face. As the kids were getting back into the van to go back to the school, a teacher gathered Devarius and his group together and told them all to punch Devarius in the face. So as each child got on the bus, they would punch the boy in the face and then go sit down. She has now been fired.…

ATLANTA – A woman taking a short cut through a wooded, vacant lot in a dangerous neighborhood made a very gruesome discovery the other day. She stumbled across the dead body of a black female. Thinking it was a mannequin of some type, the woman walked over and kicked the body. Finding out that it was quite real, she ran off screaming and called 911. No one knows who the female is at this point, and identifying her has become a bit of a problem as police say the head and hands are missing. They do believe she has been there a couple of days; killed elsewhere and then dumped in the woods. “If you know anyone who has been missing, please let us know,” said Atlanta city Councilman Ivory Young, Jr. I have always imagined what I would do in a situation in which I was walking in the woods alone and stumbled across a dead body. I don’t think I would piss myself or anything, but I’m not gonna lie and say I would stroll on out of the woods whistling a happy tune either.…

Nanping City, China – A doctor with a history of mental illness has murdered eight children in the Nanping City Experimental Elementary School this morning. Five other children have been taken to the hospital. Reports state the 42-year-old man was once a doctor at a community clinic, but had recently resigned or had been fired. The man entered the school and began attacking the first to fourth grade students with a 10-inch knife while screaming, “They won’t let me live, they are driving me mad. I won’t let anyone live.” Other reports say the man had a machete. “The man ran into scores of children of primary classes wielding his machete left and right, felling large number of children before he was overpowered.”. Six of the kids would die at the scene, two others would die at the hospital. The man was apprehended and his bloody rampage stopped after being confronted by some adults who knocked the weapon out of his hands with a broom.…

Bradenton, FL – Daniel Kersey proved he really is a douche-bag extraordinaire last Friday night when he grabbed a crowbar and woke up his 62-year old roommate Janice Fendel. He demanded cash and the keys to a locked safe, and when Fendel refused, Kersey struck her with the crowbar. This created enough commotion to wake up her 86-year old aunt who also lived in the home. It was when Kersey began hitting Fendel’s aunt with the crowbar that Fendel gave in and handed Kersey the keys to the safe. Kersey stole $60, the keys to Fendel’s Ford Explorer and left. Officers found the Explorer Monday morning and then found Kersey walking near the home and picked him up. Kersey was arrested without incident but refused to answer detectives’ questions. Kersey was charged with aggravated battery, grand theft, and battery of a person over 65. A two-year-old child who lived in the home at the time of the attack was not injured.

Flagler County, FL – Deputies had a difficult time pulling over 74-year old Elizabeth Millonig last Wednesday after they clocked her going 40 mph in a 30 mph zone. When a motorcycle officer first attempted to pull the speeding senior over and told her it was for speeding, Millonig yelled at the officer and then drove away. The motorcycle officer had to catch up with Millonig two more times before he finally stopped her. This time, the officer reached into Millonig’s vehicle to prevent her from driving off again. When the officer did this, Millonig struck his arm with her fist. After the officer was able to get Millonig out of her vehicle, she attempted to stab him with her car keys. Another deputy arrived on the scene to assist. When the officers placed Millonig in handcuffs, she tried to kick one of the deputies in the groin. The grumbling granny continued to kick at them as she was being placed in the back of a patrol car. Elizabeth Millonig was charged with fleeing and eluding a police officer, resisting arrest with violence, and battery on a law enforcement officer.…

Alexandria, LA – Just like the old saying, ‘You get what you pay for,’ two men in Alexandria recently learned it might be a good idea to thoroughly check the merchandise next time before making a purchase. Last Wednesday morning, 21-year old Jeffery Ray Allen and 25-year old Troherro Keith Batiste became upset when they discovered the woman who had just performed oral sex on both of them was not really a woman, but a man dressed as a woman. Unhappy that their future reputations might be considered as being on the down low, Allen and Batiste caught up with the crooked cross-dresser walking home later that morning and fired shots at the she-male as they drove by. The tricky transvestite, who was not injured, called police and officers found two spent shell casings from a .22-caliber handgun on the road where the incident occurred. Another officer stopped a van matching the victim’s description and the victim identified the van’s driver, Allen, and passenger, Batiste, as the shooting suspects.…

REDFORD TOWNSHIP, Mich. – A 16-year-old boy is in jail charged with stabbing his father to death after an argument. The 52-year-old father was approached by one of his daughter’s boyfriend who accused the teen of repeatedly stealing his clothing. The argument started when the father confronted his son over the accusations. After the confrontation, the boy allegedly went into the kitchen, grabbed a knife and then stabbed his father to death. The boy has nine siblings, some of who were present at the time of the stabbing. The boy’s mother states that her son has never done drugs and that he doesn’t even remember doing it at all. The teen is currently in jail on a felony homicide charge. Me and my dad once got into an argument over clothing. I was going out to dinner with my parents wearing a cut up t-shirt that had a cow skeleton on it. My dad told me to go change the shirt and I defiantly told him I wasn’t going to. I added that I was 13 and could wear whatever I wanted.…

FEDERAL WAY, Wash. – More information has came out in regards to the man who shot his wife to death during a church sponsored couples counseling session at Calvary Lutheran Church in Federal Way. The man who pulled the trigger is 42-year-old Charles Parson. He was attending couples counseling with his estranged wife, 38-year-old Carol Parson. They had been married for twelve years and had three children together – ages 11, 9 and 5. The couple had been divorced since last year and Charles was having a hard time with it. Carol had moved on and was dating another man. She is the one who initiated the couple’s counseling in hopes of getting Charles to come to terms with things as well as for the sake of their kids. It is reported that during the session, Charles asked Carol if she was going to stop dating the other man, to which Carol answered no. Charles got up, walked to his coat and retrieved a handgun. He aimed the gun at Carol while instructing the counselor not to move.…

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