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In The Mean Time...

Bellingham, WA — A 29-year-old man told police he stabbed his mother to death because he’s a werewolf and she’s a vampire. Why, yes….. drugs may have played a part. How’d ya guess?

Sheaen Smith called 911 at about 2 p.m. Sunday, ranting about werewolves and vampires. When officers arrived at the home Smith shared with his mother, they found 57-year-old Aurora Lee Buol-Smith dead from multiple stab wounds. (Multiple = approximately 20). Several of those cuts, police say, were defensive wounds.

Officers made contact with Sheaen inside the home, and he apparently confessed to killing his mother…. in between delusional rants about werewolves and vampires and whatever else lives in a tweaker’s head. He was promptly arrested on suspicion of second-degree murder while armed with a deadly weapon.

Based on certain statements from Sheaen, investigators have reason to believe the motive, besides the whole vampire thing, was sexual in nature. Authorities have mentioned that it’s not clear if those statements were more delusions or actual facts, and they are waiting on the results of the autopsy.…

Vancouver, WA — Benjamin Walker, 27, is being held on $1 million bail after he admitted to choking his 78-year-old grandmother to death as she slept.

Walker, who lived in his grandmother’s garage, was apparently  just hanging out drinking beer early Monday, and decided he’d had enough of the woman’s nagging — she repeatedly asked him to turn off the lights and maybe take shorter showers — and “decided her and his fates.”

He entered her bedroom as she slept Monday morning, and choked the life out of her. But, BUT, he wanted to make sure she was good and dead, so he slit her throat with a kitchen knife, too, he said.

Grandma didn’t go quietly… police say Walker had numerous scratches on his chin and mouth. Damn shame he didn’t have a kitchen knife sticking out of his jugular.

After washing his hands, Walker reportedly walked to the Washougal Police department and confessed to the murder.

In court Tuesday, Walker’s court-appointed attorney claimed Walker was “remorseful and sad” about his grandmother’s death.…

CLIFTON HEIGHTS, PA — Police have arrested a daycare worker after she was caught on camera pushing a 4-year-old girl down a flight of stairs.

The incident happened Friday afternoon at the Child Care of the Future daycare, just minutes after a new surveillance camera had been installed.

A worker at the daycare was watching the camera’s live-feed when she witnessed 52-year-old Sarah Gable, a co-worker that has been at the center since June, assault the girl.

“Gable was seen struggling with the child prior to pushing her down the steps,” the arrest affidavit states. “After the child fell, Gable was observed grabbing her and continuing on.”

You can watch the video below, and the description above is pretty accurate. It was definitely intentional – as evident by the look on Gable’s face when she momentarily looks up at the camera.

Police were called and Gable, who has been working in the daycare industry for the last 25 years, was immediately fired.

Gable was taken into custody that same day on charges of simple assault, harassment that subjected another to physical contact and endangering the welfare of a child.…

ZEBULON, NC – Police have an 18-year-old in custody after he was found holding his mother’s decapitated head.

According to police, Oliver Funez called police Monday after he attacked his mother, 35-year-old Yesenia Funez Beatriz Machado.

When police arrived at the home, they witnessed Michael Myers Funez walking outside holding his mother’s head in one hand, and a large butcher knife in the other.

Funez was taken into custody without incident and has since been charged with first-degree murder. Officials say a motive behind the attack is still unclear.

Police also found two young children in the home, who were present when the attack occurred. Another child was at school at the time of the attack.

All three children are now with their father, who showed up at the scene that afternoon and was overcome with grief.

“It’s a terrible situation for the family, a terrible situation for the neighborhood and this county. I’m just glad things worked out the way they did and no one else was hurt in taking the suspect into custody,” Sheriff Kent Winstead said.…

Crookston, MN — Brian Louis George L Chapman has a lot of names and a bestiality charge on his record after allegedly raping a dog while delivering mail.

A homeowner on Chapman’s route grew suspicious about the amount of time Chapman spent on his property, delivering a package last month.

The resident apparently has a security system in place that sends a notification to his smartphone whenever someone comes on his property. Giggity.

The man was contemplating calling the post office to request that Chapman no longer deliver packages to his home, when he decided to see what dude was up to for so long in the garage.

Imagine his surprise when he saw the surveillance footage.

According to the arrest report, Chapman was recorded entering the garage at about 1:30 on the afternoon of February 6. He then placed a package on the ground and proceeded to “engage in a sexual act” with the homeowner’s dog, which was just kinda hanging around in the garage.

Chapman, 21, has been charged with burglary, a felony, and bestiality, a misdemeanor.…

Milwaukee, WI — A father frustrated with his son’s heroin addiction admitted to police that he shot the 27-year-old in the arm, but claims it was an accident.

Richard Matte told police he just wanted to scare his son by shooting into a wall.

Zak Matte reportedly told police his father entered his bedroom while he was injecting heroin into his right arm. Richard asked Zak if any money he had recently given to him had been used to buy heroin. Zak replied that it hadn’t — it was used to buy pot.

Zak claims his father asked him to turn and look at a hole in the wall. He then shot him.

“I shot my son in the arm on accident,” Richard told a 911 dispatcher. At some point in the conversation with the dispatcher, Richard expressed his frustration with his son’s drug use and said he just snapped. “I just got pushed to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Richard was charged with one count of reckless endangerment and remains free on $15,000 bail.…

Houston, TX —  Eliodoro Estala was charged with indecent exposure last week after his neighbor told police she saw him having sex with the fence that separated their property.

The woman reportedly told police she was looking out her window Wednesday, and just happened to see Estala pissing on the chain link fence. So she did what any normal person would do in such a situation…. she started filming. Weirdo.

When Estala noticed she was recording him with her phone, he worked that shit.

The woman told police Estala stuck his mouth on the fence and began tonguing it before he began “having sex with it.” Foreplay first. Good man!

The woman showed officers several videos and still pics of the alleged act. And I can only imagine how hard she was fretting to have witnessed such a vile and o-fence-ive act. I can just hear her screaming at her husband now…. “Abner! Abner! Come quick! The neighbor! He’s gyrating wildy against our fence. And he’s *gasp* unclothed!!” (Props to Gladys Kravitz from Bewitched).…

BARRINGTON, RI – Two 97-year-old twin sisters froze to death Saturday after they both fell outside and were stranded overnight in freezing temperatures.

Martha Williams and her twin sister, Jean Haley, had returned to Haley’s home Friday night after having dinner with their 89-year-old sister.

Investigators say that as Williams was leaving Haley’s home, she fell in the driveway near the rear of her car. Haley saw what happened and went to go inside her home and call for help, but fell inside her garage.

“At this time investigators believe that foul play was not involved and Ms. Williams may have fallen in the driveway walking to her car. Ms. Haley may have tripped on a rug on the floor of the garage as she attempted to enter her house to call for assistance,” Barrington Police Chief John LaCross said in a statement.

Both women remained where they fell, enduring overnight temperatures that dropped to as low as 11 degrees, with wind chills as low as minus 8. They were not found until the next morning when a neighbor found them and called 911.…

LANCASTER, PA – Two children were rushed to the hospital with severe burning to the mouth and throat after drinking a caustic chemical at a Pennsylvania restaurant.

The incident happened on Friday while the family of Richie Zaragoza were celebrating the boy’s 10th birthday at the Star Buffet & Grill.

The apple juice that had been ordered for the boy and his 4-year-old half-sister, Ginaya Mendoza, were waiting on the table when the family got back from getting food at the buffet.

Ginaya took a sip from her cup and began throwing up and complaining her stomach hurt. The girl’s mother first thought her daughter had simply gotten sick, but then her son began screaming “it burns” and throwing up blood.

Both children were taken to Lancaster General Hospital with severe burns of the mouth and throat. They were then flown to Hershey Medical Center where they remained in intensive care Saturday afternoon.

Because Richie suffers from cystic fibrosis and diabetes, he has a gastronomy tube in his stomach and a port in his arm for IV medications and will be sedated for several days.…

Allegheny County, PA — A woman who was arrested after her two young sons overdosed on prescription medication at school apparently told police she “didn’t want the kids anyway.”

Samantha Brown is facing multiple charges in connection with the alleged incident.

Authorities claim the 27-year-old woman gave her two sons, ages 8 and 9, Klonopin before sending them off to school Wednesday morning.

The younger boy was later found unresponsive on the floor, foaming at the mouth in a puddle of vomit. The older boy was found dazed and foaming at the mouth.

Both were treated UPMC’s Children’s Hospital. No word on their condition.

The boys told investigators their mother made them take the pills, and Brown had the pills on her when police questioned her.

She’s been ordered held on $50,000 bail.…

Japan — An apparent skin mag aficionado was recently found dead beneath a literal pornucopia of presumably sticky magazines.

And if that isn’t disturbing enough, the body was only discovered because the man’s landlord entered the home to find out why the rent hadn’t been paid in six months.

This information was revealed by a member of a cleaning service that had been hired to discreetly remove 6 tons of jizz mags in a way that would not be noticed by neighbors or the man’s family, to save them from shame. Welp, so much for discretion….

It is unclear if the man, identified only as a 50-year-old former auto worker named Joji, suffered a heart attack and brought the magazines down with him as he fell, or if they just fell on him, smothering him to death. All I can think of at this point is paper cuts. Lots and lots of paper cuts.

Every available space in the apartment was filled with magazines, the cleaner claims, and they were stacked on tables and shelves, as well.…

Shelby, NC — A 49-year-old man is in custody after allegedly attempting to grab a 1-year-old child from her mother’s arms at Walmart earlier this week.

The child’s mother, Tiana Langer, claims a strange man approached her and her child in the store and started talking all cute with the kid.

“He said, ‘How did you get that cutie?’ and I just thought he was being friendly,” Langer said.

He then apparently grabbed the kid’s arm and started rubbing it, saying she could “go home with him.” At this point, mom’s getting a little freaked.

She told him, “No, we don’t go to strangers and we don’t talk to them.” To which he responded, “I’m not a stranger. I’m just a friend she hasn’t been with yet.”

He apparently started tugging on the kid’s arm, but mom tugged back and both managed to safely retreat.

According to police, surveillance video later showed the man, identified as Eric Richardson, holding another child near the entrance of the store, but it didn’t appear as if that child’s mother was worried.…

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