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In The Mean Time...

CHARLESTON, WV – A television meteorologist has been charged with battery after she cracked the skull of her station’s news anchor during an argument over a man.

According to police, WSAZ-TV news anchor Erica Bivens was at a bar drinking with her husband when they ran into the station’s weather girl, 26-year-old Chelsea Ambriz.

Ambriz, who worked with Bivens on the 4 p.m. forecast, allegedly began flirting with Bivens’ husband. He turned her down and went back to stand with his wife.

When he told her what had just happened, Bivens walked over to Ambriz and confronted her. Ambriz became physically aggressive and started pushing Bivens.

Both women grappled and ended up falling near the bar, causing Bivens to suffer a fractured skull and a ruptured eardrum.

Bivens told police she had problems with Ambriz being aggressive with her in the past.

Ambriz was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery and now facing a year in jail if convicted. Ambriz told friends she has been suspended from her job.…

LAS VEGAS, NV – A couple have been arrested after the woman’s missing 3-year-old was found murdered at Lake Mead.

On Sunday morning, 20-year-old Cassie Smith called 911 to report her son, 3-year-old Daniel Theriot, was missing.

She said she had taken her son to Sunset Park to feed the ducks, but when she took her eyes off of him to use her phone he had seemingly disappeared.

Police immediately began a huge search effort that included shutting down the park and checking cars as they left. But they also began doubting Smith’s version of events when they received info from other park-goers.

No one at the park remembered seeing Smith and her son at the park that morning, nor did anyone remember seeing Smith searching for him at the park.

“We started doubting if the three-year-old was ever at the park,” said homicide detective Ray Spencer. “We suspected some foul play was involved.”

Early Monday morning investigators would have their suspicions confirmed when Daniel’s body was found near Lake Mead National Recreation Area.…

YORK COUNTY, SC – York County investigators said they’ve arrested and charged a woman with murder after she poisoned her husband with eye drops.

On July 21, the body of 64-year-old Steven Clayton was found dead in the foyer of his home he shared with his wife, 52-year-old Lana Sue Clayton.

It was believed he had fallen down the stairs and died from his injuries.

So you can imagine the shock that came to his friends and family when the toxicology results came back from his autopsy.

Steven Clayton, the man known for his “big personality” and retiring in 1995 after founding a national company, had been poisoned.

Police say Clayton had poisonous levels of tetrahydrozoline, the chemical found in eye drops, in his body at the time of his death.

During questioning, his wife admitted she had been poisoning her husband with eye drops in the three days prior to his death. She was arrested and charged with murder and unlawful malicious tampering of food.

Steven’s family provided the following statement:

“The family is shocked and mortified at the cause of Steven’s death.

ANCHORAGE, AK — A mother has been charged with murder after two of her baby daughters die two years apart.

Last November, 23-year-old Stephany LaFountain called emergency services to report her 13-month-old daughter was not breathing.

The girl was taken to the hospital where she would die four days later. It would later be determined that the girl had died from lack of oxygen to the brain.

Looking into LaFountain’s past, investigators learned that she had lost another daughter in a similar fashion two years prior.

In 2015, while in a relationship with a different man, LaFountain had a 4-month-daughter that died. Police did not believe the death was the result of foul play at that time.

But now? After LaFountain had lost two baby girls in the same way within two years?

“The autopsy results and medical records for both children showed that they were entirely healthy, with no genetic abnormalities, no diseases, and no injuries,” police stated in a news release.

Investigators started to focus their attention on LaFountain and decided to check out her Internet activity.…

SPARTANBURG, SC – Police have arrested two funeral home owners after the decomposing body of a woman was found in a storage room three years after she was supposed to be cremated.

Family First Funeral Home in Spartanburg, South Carolina is a wacky place. Just ask anyone who works there… if you can find them.

I’m sure they could tell you some stories.

A former employee told one such tale to Spartanburg County authorities. No details have been released about the complaint, but it led to an investigation of Family First by the county coroner’s office and state labor officials.

While searching the Family First facility on Chesnee Highway, officials found the body of 63-year-old Mary Moore, who had died in 2015.

She should have been cremated in 2015 too. That’s how it’s supposed to work.

Apparently, staff ignored the agreement that Moore’s family made with the Greenwood, SC branch of Family First. Rather than cremating her remains, they just covered her with blankets and put her in a storage room at the Spartanburg facility.…

FUQUAY-VARINA, NC – Police serving an eviction order at a home had to call firefighters equipped with hazardous-materials because of the intense smell of shit and piss inside the house.

There’s stink, and then there’s stank.

Stink is “it smells like something died.”

Stank is “it smells like something crawled up in an unwiped ass, took a shit, and died.”

Just ask the poor bastards who had to evict a less-than-fastidious female from her dogshit-defiled domicile in good old Fuquay-Varina, North Carolina.

Police went to remove a 50-year-old tenant from a house on Monday morning and encountered an odor so malevolent and vile that they had to execute a tactical retreat and call for backup.

The small house contained no furniture, but what it lacked in chattel it more than made up for in critters.

Specifically, it contained “14 dogs, eight cats, two rabbits and two ferrets” and enough animal waste to hold the cops at bay indefinitely.

They said “fuck it.”

Firefighters wearing haz-mat gear were required to extract the animals from the house; Wake County Animal Control officers wouldn’t get any closer than the yard.…

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Man has admitted to killing a city employee and neighbors’ pets after he was told to clean up his yard.

It doesn’t matter where you go, or how nice the neighborhood is, there’s always one asshole fucking it up for everyone else.

Uncut yard, shit strewn everywhere, broken-down cars: each and every one a middle finger to the rest of the poor bastards that have to live nearby. And they’re always complete shits about it, too.

Kevin Wayne Billings is that asshole. And he likes it that way. Enough to split somebody’s wig over it.

If it wasn’t for assholes like Billings, we wouldn’t have to have municipal codes. Or municipal code enforcement officers. But then Billings had his own solution to this last problem.

Neighbors apparently got tired of looking at his shitty yard and all the “unregistered” (read: junk) vehicles parked atop it. The West Valley City, Utah code enforcement bureaucrats received multiple complaints about Billing’s deficient domicile and he was notified of the code violations on July 24th.…

DRAPER, UT – A couple are accused of running a drug operation out of their home and feeding their toddlers pot to keep them quiet.

Jacob Francis Sickler, 28, and Katie Jennifer Blackham, 40, are entrepreneurs. And they figured out a revolutionary way to keep the kids from fussin’!

Unfortunately for them, they are likely to go to jail for their innovative new approach. And their business.

It seems that authorities in Draper, Utah take a dim view of freelance special-brownie-peddlin’. Who’d have guessed?

You’d think that it was all the bragging about their brilliant business venture that set the cops wise to the Dynamic Duo, but it was actually family members. Plural.

It seems that relatives were concerned enough about the couple’s three- and four-year-old children to drop dime on them, telling the Division of Child and Family Services that the kids were exposed to drug use, were dirty and unkempt, and were losing weight due to the neglect.

Neglected kids are often fussy, but not these two; the Wonder Twins were feeding the wee ones weed to keep them quiet.…

MEMPHIS, TN – A hospital security guard has admitted to having sex with a woman’s corpse in a hospital storage room.

April Parham, 37, was taken to Saint Francis Hospital-Memphis on Wednesday where she died suddenly for reasons that have not been disclosed.

A few hours later, Parham’s body was taken to a storage room where it was being prepared for organ donation.

That’s when 23-year-old Cameron Wright, a security guard at the hospital, decided to crack open a cold one and began having sex with Parham’s corpse.

He was busted in the act by two co-workers who walked into the room and witnessed the macabre scene.

Wright was arrested and charged with abuse of a corpse. He has admitted to the crime and his next court appearance is scheduled for August 28. Obviously, he was also fired from his job.

U.S. Security Associates, the company that hired Wright, said the following:

We thoroughly screened the background of the officer involved in the incident; this officer also went through training necessary to work at the hospital.

COLUMBIA, MO – A couple in Missouri have been arrested after police say the woman prostituted her severely disabled 14-year-old daughter in exchange for money and drugs.

Last year, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children received a tip regarding the disabled teen “being left in hotel rooms with strange men.”

The tipster told investigators the teen has a mental capacity of a two- or three-year-old and suffered from cerebral palsy, autism, and deafness.

They said the girl was being left alone in hotel rooms with strange men for long periods of time.

Police immediately took the girl into protective custody and learned what was going on with the girl and these men in these hotel rooms and why.

Allegedly, the girl’s mother, 49-year-old Renee Collins, and her mother’s boyfriend, 44-year-old William Thomas Jr., were prostituting the girl in exchange for money and cocaine.

The teen told police she had been raped by men after they offered Collins cocaine and in one instance, the “bad men” put a needle in the girl’s arm and injected her with “medicine” after they were done raping her.…

EL PASO, TX – Police in El Paso are looking into a video posted to Snapchat that allegedly showed two juveniles sexually abusing a small dog.

Form what I can find out, KFOX14 was sent a Snapchat video of a small, white dog being sexually abused by two juveniles and took the video to police.

They have not shown the video on air or online, stating the video was “horrific” and “too disturbing.”

El Paso police have since confirmed a bestiality case is now under investigation in relation to the video that they say was filmed on July 28.

Which is too bad for the juveniles involved because prior to Sept. 1 of 2017, it was not illegal to have sex with animals in Texas. I know, right?

“Now it’s a state jail felony, which you could face up to two years in prison if you’re convicted of this bestiality charge. And if convicted, you become a registered sex offender as well,” said Detective Vanessa Acosta.

“I’ve seen cases like this in the past, and we weren’t able to charge these people with it because the animal didn’t have any type of physical harm, or beaten or tortured.…

MARIETTA, OH – A corrections officer is facing sexual battery charges after she admitted to having sex with an inmate, sometimes multiple times in a day.

Michelle Lynn Kiefer-Erb, 42, was a screw at the Washington County Jail in Ohio.

Apparently she took that literally.

The latest in a cavalcade of idiots that just cannot resist the forbidden fruit, Kiefer-Erb threw away her career in the lucrative, laugh-a-minute correctional field over a piece of inmate penis. Because she was in looooooooooove.

She had a really original, foolproof way to get away with the illicit lovin’, too.

She just went and got him, and took him to the medical office for a special exam. Then she took him back to where she got him.

And it worked, three times.

Then she got greedy.

Surveillance footage documented a 14-minute visit to Nurse Erb on August 1st, and then a double-header on August 2nd, first for 30 minutes and then again later for 20 minutes.

The fourth time, they got caught. Inmate Darling got escorted back to his pod and Kiefer-Erb got to do some ‘splainin’.…

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