Liverpool, UK– Remember the movie Weekend At Bernie’s? These two sneaky ol’ dames must have seen it because on Saturday, police arrested them when they tried to smuggle a dead relative onto a flight out of England. Like the movie, they must have thought, “Why don’t we just pretend he didn’t die? Just for a bit!” The women, aged 41 and 66, covered the deceased 91-year old man’s face with sunglasses and managed to travel with the dead guy in a taxi from their home in Oldham, northwestern England, to the terminal. Once there, they pushed the dead man in a wheelchair and tried to board a flight to Berlin at Liverpool’s John Lennon airport. When officials became suspicious and began probing the corpse, the women protested and claimed he was merely asleep.The women were detained on suspicion of failing to give notification of death of a 91-year-old man. They have been released on bail and police say inquiries are continuing.…

Missing Woman Found Rotting Under Motel Bed

March 18, 2010 at 9:16 am by  

Memphis – This is some crazy shit right out of a bad movie. A mother of five went missing back in January and it turns out that for the last few months, her dead body had been hidden in the metal box frame of a bed in the motel room she had been living. Sony Millbrook had been reported missing back on January 27th after she failed to pick her kids up from school. Police began an initial investigation, but in the meantime Millbrook’s belongings were boxed up and the room at the Budget Inn rented back out at least five times since then. It wasn’t until this past Monday that police were called after employees began investigating a foul odor and discovered Millbrook’s corpse hidden in the bed. Police say it is apparent that she was the victim of a homicide, but have not released the cause of death.  Her boyfriend, LaKeith Moody, was questioned early on and has been in jail ever since on a federal gun charge. He is a person of interest in Millbrook’s death.…

Burglar Takes A Shite In Man’s Car

March 18, 2010 at 8:47 am by  

Las Cruces, NM- Well, here is a strange story to tickle your gag reflex. Shortly before 12:30 a.m.on March 11, a man was getting ready to leave for work when he unlocked his car door and realized his passenger side window was broken. Inside the vehicle, a strange man was sitting in the back seat with his pants and underwear pulled down to his ankles. The man asked the stranger what he was doing in his car and the stranger acted surprised and said he thought the vehicle belonged to someone else. The stranger immediately pulled up his drawers, hopped out of the car, and took off running. This was when the owner of the car realized how shitty his morning really was. Resting on the rear floorboard of the vehicle was a pile of freshly squeezed turds. I tell ya. If that’s not the shittiest way to ruin the ‘new car’ smell, I don’t what is. Police later caught up with the crappy crook when they found him walking near a ditch behind a business. …

Columbus, Ohio – I so tried to get this story up on Friday, but shit just didn’t work out that way. But man, oh man, just when you think you have heard it all on this site you come across a story about an elderly man punching random kids at a Wal-mart.

Sixty-eight-year-old Ralph Conone was arrested at a Columbus Walmart Wednesday after a mother busted him popping her kid in the back of the head when she wasn’t looking. After her crying son told her what Conone had done, she followed him outside and brought him back into the store.

Police were called, surveillance footage reviewed, and sure enough, Conone could be seen punching multiple kids in the back of the head when their guardians were not looking. To make matters worse, he would punch them with keys protruding between his fingers.

Conone finally admitted to his actions and told investigators he had been doing this since January. The reason? It got him excited. “He stated that he does this because of the excitement of being able to do it and get away with it with the parents right there,” said Sgt.…

Candler, NC – According to the Enka Middle School’s Web site, Rex Roland has managed to survive for over a decade as a middle-school teacher–no reported episodes of showing up so hungover he had to vomit in the wastebasket during the math quiz, no indications he ever put lame-ass “old guy” moves on any pre-teen girl (or boy), no suggestion that 75% of the students in his classes are more successful than him at correctly spelling the word “literacy.” Truth is, Roland seems to see himself as one “groovy” teacher. As a teacher, he’s just one “cool cat.” He’s totally “with it,” he’s “straight,” he has his hand on the pulse of today’s youth, yo! Case in point: rather than write on the paper of Patty Clement’s daughter something so pathetically old school and passé like “Needs improvement,” he recently penned, in a moment of genius-level progressiveness and “I’m-so-down-with-today’s-youth” brilliance, the following: “-20% for being a LOSER.”…

New Jersey- Six women recently checked into area hospitals after they met with unlicensed providers and paid them for buttocks-enhancement injections. The women believed their rear ends were being injected with silicone, but instead their rumps were plumped with the same material contractors use to caulk bathtubs. Investigators began receiving reports of the fraudulent fannie fixers in mid-February and alerted state hospitals and doctors about the potential for more victims. All six women were from the Dominican Republic and the risky rump procedures occurred in hotels around the Newark area. The women suffered deep tissue infections and skin infections including abscesses that resembled a big zit. (Eew! I think I will have my next cup of coffee without cream.) Officials believe the injected mixture included silicone and petroleum jelly as well as hardware grade caulk. ( Ace Hardware must have had one helluva sale.) So far, no arrests have been made.…

When A Good Otter Goes Bad

March 6, 2010 at 11:23 am by  

Venice, FL – The 911 call came in just after 4:00 Thursday morning:

Caller: Venice East Boulevard. Help!!

Dispatch: What’s happening at Venice East Boulevard?

Caller: There’s a man on the ground – an otter – I can’t get him off. Hurry please.

Dispatch: There’s a man on the ground?

Caller: Yes ma’am.

Dispatch: And someone’s doing what?

Caller: An otter’s got him.

Dispatch: Who’s got him?

Caller: An otter?

Dispatch: An otter?

Caller: O-T-T-E-R! Please hurry, I can’t keep him off him.

Well now, that’s not something you hear every day, huh? Morrell Denton, 96, was taking a stroll that fateful Thursday morning when the pissed off otter crossed his path.

“I just looked down on the ground and I saw this little animal walking across and he walked across real slow,” Denton said. “And I looked down there and he grabbed me by the leg,” he said. “When I fell is when he grabbed my hand. I tried to pull him off with the other hand and he got hold of that hand.

NORWOOD, Pa – Who’d have thought that in one week, we would have FIVE teenaged girls die by train. Three girls died when they were unable to outrun a train on a trestle in Florida. But the deaths of Gina Gentile, 16, and Vanessa Dorwart, 15, may not have been an accident at all. Police say their deaths were the result of a suicide pact made between them and some other girls. They were all supposed to meet at the Norwood train station Thursday morning and end their lives. How many girls were a part of this pact is not known, but what is known is that Gentile, Dorwart and Kelly Cashwell left school that morning and were seen arguing on the train platform, one of them talking on a cell phone moments before their deaths. At around 10:30 a.m., a train traveling from Boston to Washington, D.C. hit the two 10th-graders killing them both as they stood on the tracks. Both of their cell phones were found on the scene intact and are currently in the hands of forensics.…

Missing Teen Dies After Being Found Sitting In Snow

February 16, 2010 at 12:40 pm by  

COPLEY, Ohio – Pretty sure this will be drug related, but still kind of creepy to think about. 18-year-old Ashley Quarterman was last seen leaving an EconoLodge Friday night or early Saturday morning after visiting with several groups of young people celebrating Valentine’s Day. When she never returned home, the family notified police. Police began a search and found Ashley behind a vacant building a half-mile from the hotel. She was found sitting in the snow, frozen and brain dead. She was taken to the hospital, but died from the extended exposure. An autopsy showed no signs of physical trauma, but the mother wants to know what happened that night and who let her wander off. You know what this story reminds me of? The story of Michael Wamsley and Janelle Hornickel. They were the couple that did meth then got lost in a snow storm, left their vehicle and then froze to death while talking to 911 and hallucinating.…

Forest Hills, NY – I think it’s pretty common knowledge that many serial killers pissed the bed and/or tortured or killed animals as children, and I’m sure that somewhere there is a CIA or FBI manual detailing the characteristics shared by all terrorists. You know, like, (and I’m making these up) a sense that the world is full of great but fixable injustices. Following a religious leader who espouses certain divisive beliefs. Having been sexually abused by a respected male adult. Toilet training difficulties. Doodling. Yes, especially doodling. Let me give you a case in point. On Monday, 12-year-old Alexa Gonzalez was sitting at her desk at Junior High School 190 waiting for her Spanish teacher to pass out homework. To pass the time, she wrote on her desk, “Lex was here. 2/1/10” and added a little smiley face. Further, with an erasable marker, she wrote, “I love my friends Abby and Faith.” Fortunately, Forest Hill school authorities are on top of the terrorist-wannabe shit that is soooo seductive to today’s youth, and Gonzalez was led–in handcuffs–from her school to a nearby police precinct, where she was held and questioned for several hours before being released.…

Robbery Prank Goes Terribly, Painfully Wrong

February 5, 2010 at 11:11 am by  

Milwaukee, WI – My teen-aged kidlets have this really cute game they like to play with me – it’s called, “Let’s scare the bejusus outta Mom and take 10 years off her life!” And they’re good at it. I never know when one of the little shits scamps is going to jump out of the closet, cupboard, dryer, etc., and send me into fits of hysteria and tears. After reading this story though, they just might think twice. A 21-year-old man thought it would be funny to scare the crap out of his mother, so he donned a ski mask and waited for her to arrive home from shopping. He then confronted the 37-year-old woman behind their home and pretended to rob her. Mom pulled a .357 from the waistband of her pants and started shooting. Of the several rounds that were fired, two of them hit her son. One of them right to the groin. He’s been hospitalized, but there are no reports on his condition. A blue steel revolver with an obscured serial number was taken into evidence.…

Sledding Party Ends With A Bang

February 4, 2010 at 11:56 am by  

Independence Township, MI – A 62-year-old man is hospitalized with second-degree burns to his face and significant damage to one of his eyes because copious amounts of alcohol and gunpowder are a bad mix. The injured man is reportedly known for doing crazy shit at his annual “sledding parties.” But at this particular party, that crazy shit left a helluva mark. After consuming an unknown amount of alcohol, the man decided to add a little rocket power to his sled. His recipe for disaster? Gunpowder, match heads and gasoline stuffed into a motorcycle muffler. He strapped the device onto his back, donned a motorcycle helmet, and assumed the position on his sled before asking a bystander to light the wick. At some point during the man’s descent down an embankment, the homemade rocket exploded – injuring his face and sending shrapnel in all directions. The Sheriff’s Office said the investigation remains open pending possible criminal charges.…

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