ST. SIMONS ISLAND, Ga. – I absolutely cannot imagine the horror that struck an elderly couple in Georgia once they realized they were stuck in their home elevator with no way of alerting anyone.

The elevator was not equipped with a phone, their family lived out of state while neighbors respected their independent lifestyle and privacy. All 90-year-old Sherwood Wadsworth and his 89-year-old wife, Caroline, could hope for is that someone would notice the papers piling up outside and think to check on them.

Eventually someone did, but it was too late. By time firefighters broke into the elevator that had become stuck between the second and third floors of the couple’s home, they had been dead for several days.

A Times-Union newspaper carrier called 911 Wednesday morning after becoming concerned by the growing pile of newspapers outside, dating back to July 9.

An autopsy on the couple,  who were found lying side-by-side in the fetal position, has been scheduled to determine exact cause of death. Hopefully the couple were able to comfort each other in their last moments.…

CHESTER, VA – I never thought I would ever be writing an article for the site praising someone working in a Capital One call center, but there’s a first time for everything. Someone from a Capital One call center in Richmond, Virginia called a home in Georgia that was answered by a young boy who hung up. The boy somehow called the number back and was put in touch with Capital One employee, Chamara Washington, and he was pretty upset. “(He) kept saying somebody wouldn’t wake up,” recalls Washington.”He was crying and wouldn’t stop crying. I started asking questions.” The 4-year-old boy boy begged her to come help him and to please turn the television back on. Since he had called her, she had his number and called Georgia police with the boy’s address. As a mother of a 5-year-old, Washington did what she could to keep the boy calm as he described fixing himself cereal for dinner. Police were able to locate the boy who, as it turns out, has been living on his own for three days with a dead adult in the home.…

Boise, ID– Idaho police believe they may have finally solved a year-long condiment crime spree. Since May 2009, Ada County library employees have reported finding books in the drop box covered in corn syrup and ketchup. In a stakeout this last Sunday, police were able to ketchup with the condiment caper and to their surprise it was a 74-year old woman named Joy L. Cassidy. Officers nabbed Cassidy just moments after she pulled through the outside drive-through of the library and dumped a jar of mayonnaise into the library’s book drop box. Cassidy was charged with malicious injury to property and carrying a concealed weapon, after police found a loaded handgun under the front seat of her car. Cassidy did not have a concealed weapons permit. Cassidy was also issued a citation for driving on an expired driver’s license. Police say Cassidy is a person of interest in at least 10 other condiment-related crimes that have left library books soiled and sticky over the past year and caused thousands of dollars worth of damage.…

Moscow – Despondent over his years old divorce, 47-year-old Albert Repin decided to take his own life this week. Foregoing the usual methods – overdose, gunshot, carbon monoxide, etc. – Repin, a Russian engineer, used his mad engineering skills to build himself an old-fashioned guillotine. Behind his bedroom door, and without his family’s knowledge, Repin spent days toiling over the head chopper-offer. “He was always building something,” his mother said. “This time he said he was building a closet.” Repin’s contraption consisted of 2×4’s, plywood, rope and a sheet of metal for a razor. He attached four 5-liter water bottles to the razor as weight. When he was ready to go, he simply laid his neck over a piece of wood, cut the rope and swish! Off with his head. Well, not quite. Repin failed to sharpen the guillotine’s blade because the process is rather noisy and he didn’t want to alert his family to the deadly apparatus, so the head was not completely severed. His brother broke into the room and found the body after Repin failed to respond to repeated calls from family members.…

Milwaukee, WI- Here is a real shitty story that is probably going to make your stomach churn…and then some. For several months, residents in a Milwaukee neighborhood kept finding several plastic grocery bags filled with of what appeared to be human waste scattered along the streets throughout the area. The disgusting dung bags seemed only to cease appearing when school went on break. One resident, who only wants to be known as Bob, became fed up with the shit and decided to catch the crappy culprit on camera. To his surprise, and the surprise of others, Bob discovered the person behind the plastic-bagged poo was a lady bus driver for First Student, a bus company contracted by Milwaukee Public Schools. The video Bob took of the bus driver shows the woman pulling down her pants and defecating inside the empty bus. The video also shows the driver smoking while she does her dirty deed. When finished, the driver pulls back up her drawers, flicks the cigarette out of the bus, drives the bus one block down, and then opens the doors and tosses the bag of crap out  onto the street.…

Cape Coral, FL- A 21-year old man named Justin Paul Lilie may be spending some future quality time in a rubber room after displaying some strange behavior on Sunday morning. Homeowners called police and reported that a naked man, holding a pair of shorts in his hands, had knocked on their front door and tried to get inside their home. When they refused, the man went away, but came back later on and tried to break in their home through the back sliding glass door. When Officers arrived, they found Lilie asleep on the porch. When the officers woke him up, Lilie told them that “Lt. Dan was after him.” Lilie also said that a helicopter landed in his front yard and that people were after him. After Lilie was arrested and taken to jail, he began to move erratically and began to howl and scream obscenities. Justin Paul Lilie was charged with indecent exposure, disturbing the peace and loitering and prowling. He’s being held in the Lee County Jail in lieu of $3,500 bail. …

Man Commits Suicide, Kills Wife

May 12, 2010 at 8:46 am by  

Wichita, KS – When police were called to the home of Gene and Betty Whitmore Sunday afternoon, they first thought they would be investigating a murder-suicide by gunshot. Since Betty, 66, had been experiencing health problems recently, it was safe to assume her husband Gene, 70, killed her before turning the gun on himself. As it turns out, Gene was intent on the suicide part, but Betty’s death may have been a truly bizarre accident. According to investigators, the bullet from Gene’s gun passed through his head from right to left and struck Betty’s head, killing her as she slept. Their bodies were found two to three feet apart on their bed. Police say there were no outward signs that indicated Gene intended to injure his wife. “I have never worked one like this before,” Lt. Ken Landwehr said. The bodies were discovered by a step-daughter at about 1:00 p.m. on Sunday. Police believe the shooting occurred at about 4:00 that morning, and though there were other family members in the home at the time, no one heard a thing.…

Matthews, NC – Here’s one to get your stomach lurching. My buddy called last night and asked had I heard of a story near me regarding a kid who found a bag of medical waste and drank it. He heard about it and thought of me. Dunno what to think about someone immediately thinking of me whenever a kid drinks medical waste, but whatever. Did some checking, and sure enough 2-year-old Giovonni found some vials of blood on the ground within the apartment complex he lives, opened one up and like Jaded with a bottle of Night Train on a Tuesday morning, drank the contents before anyone could stop him. He was rushed to the hospital and underwent a series of tests, but he seems fine for now although he will have to be tested every few months for years to be sure. In total, nearly a dozen vials were found and traced back to Matthews Children’s Clinic which is right beside the apartment complex. No one is sure how the blood got to where it did, but the clinic did nothing illegal when they disposed of them in a dumpster at their facility. …

China – Sometimes a title just says it all. A 59-year old man died after being admitted to the hospital suffering from internal bleeding. The cause of which was found during an autopsy. In the man’s intestines doctors found a 20-inch Asian swamp eel. The eel had tore the shit of the mans bowels. Pun intended. The man’s friends finally admitted that after a bout of heavy drinking, they thought it would be funny to insert the eel into the man’s rectum after he had passed out. The worst thing that ever happened as a result of a prank we pulled on someone who passed out happened when we placed a tampon in a passed out guy’s mouth at a party. He kept it in there almost all night but at some point he begin chewing on it and it slipped down his throat a bit triggering his gag reflex. He puked upwards and the chunky fountain arced up a bit and on to his own face – that tampon sitting perfectly on his forehead.…

Austin,TX- Okay, ladies. I know a lot of you are just bouncing yourselves silly in your chairs over this handsome piece of eye-candy we have for you today (wink), but I need you to calm down and pay attention to the story. After all, this heart-throb is a criminal. Just this last week, a woman reported her car was stolen to Austin police and several uniformed officers stopped by her home to take report of the theft. Not long after, 57-year old Lance Henry Henington arrived by taxi at the woman’s home and told the woman he was, “with them” (meaning the officers). Henington led the woman out to the cab, had her take the driver’s information, and said the cab would provide her with transportation as a Crime Victim’s Service. (It is here that I would be eyeing this man carefully and saying… Okaay?? while my fingers slowly intertwined themselves into the key ring in my pocket to enhance my knuckles. ) After the real officers left, Henington told the woman he was working a drug case and the people who stole her car may be involved.…

Rexburg, ID – Why I’m Going To Hell: Reason #1,635,439,200.5 – I think cat attacks are absofuckinlutely hilarious – even funnier than otter attacks. As a matter of fact, if I ever decide to bring a cat into my home, I’m going to be looking for a real pissed-off cunt of a cat. A cat that will go into attack-mode without reason. I want that little fucker to be all happiness and purrs one second and all vicious and bloodthirsty the next. I don’t want a cat that will hop up on my lap and get in the way of my computer monitor – I want the little asshole to sit in a corner, hissing and growling, just waiting for some unsuspecting human to pass by before angrily latching on to an ankle. And every time my awesome cat attacks, I will be there to capture the goodness on film. In between hysterical bouts of laughter, of course. I only wish the people in this story would have done the same.…

Bradenton,FL- This lovely creature who seems to be very pleased with herself is 54-year old Linda V. Johnson. Around midnight last Wednesday, a man’s 7-year-old child noticed Johnson outside a window of their home. When the man went outside to confront Johnson, he discovered that she had her pants down and was trying to hide in some bushes near the home. Johnson then left the property and the man followed her. This displeased Johnson and she then stopped, approached the man, and punched him twice in the face. The man held Johnson on the ground until police arrived on scene. Linda Johnson was arrested on a battery charge and was held on a $750 bond. Court records show Johnson was also arrested last month on charges of battery on a law enforcement officer and obstruction. Wow! She has looks, personality, and the impulsiveness to drop trou when the need arises! And here some say Florida is one of the worst states to live in. *eye-roll*…


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