FORT PIERCE, FL – Police in Florida arrested a man for giving his girlfriend a “wet willy” during an argument.

Ah, Florida Man. You are crude, violent and shameless, bereft of common sense and common decency, and inevitably oh-so-entertaining.

And you are prone to stick your willy where it doesn’t belong.

Sometimes it’s an underaged orifice, sometimes it’s just an unreceptive one. Sometimes it’s a knothole in a fence or even a dead animal.

Sometimes it’s not even really a willy.

St. Lucie County, Florida denizen Joseph Jean Sireci, 47, took domestic abuse into the realm of the ludicrous in a quintessential Homo floridius manner.

On August 15th, Sireci’s better half came home from a long day at work to find him laying on the living room floor, unshaven and stinking of booze, drunk as a blind weasel and just as testy.

Sources don’t specify, but I imagine she had something to say to his worthless ass. He definitely had something to say back.

She would later tell authorities that Sireci was “arguing with her and being rude,” so she decided to take the kids and go to a friend’s house.…

CHARLESTON, WV – A television meteorologist has been charged with battery after she cracked the skull of her station’s news anchor during an argument over a man.

According to police, WSAZ-TV news anchor Erica Bivens was at a bar drinking with her husband when they ran into the station’s weather girl, 26-year-old Chelsea Ambriz.

Ambriz, who worked with Bivens on the 4 p.m. forecast, allegedly began flirting with Bivens’ husband. He turned her down and went back to stand with his wife.

When he told her what had just happened, Bivens walked over to Ambriz and confronted her. Ambriz became physically aggressive and started pushing Bivens.

Both women grappled and ended up falling near the bar, causing Bivens to suffer a fractured skull and a ruptured eardrum.

Bivens told police she had problems with Ambriz being aggressive with her in the past.

Ambriz was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery and now facing a year in jail if convicted. Ambriz told friends she has been suspended from her job.…

ARLINGTON, TN – A mother in Tennessee has been charged after she left her 6-month-old child in a car so she could go into a restaurant to drink Margaritas.

A couple were leaving the Cazadores Mexican Grill one evening last month when they heard a baby crying in the parking lot.

After a quick search, they found a baby in the back seat of a vehicle that was not running with the windows partially rolled down. Even worse, the doors were unlocked.

The outside temperature outside at the time was 92 degrees so the temperature inside the vehicle were quite a bit higher. The couple stated the baby did not seem to need emergency medical assistance, but she was sweating and obviously not happy about her situation.

The couple called 911 and emergency responders arrived at the scene to check on the child. It was only then that 26-year-old Rachel Vanwagner ran out of the restaurant barefoot to claim the infant.

She told police she purposefully left her child in the car for about 30 minutes so she could take part in the National Tequila Day festivities and had only been in the restaurant for about 30 minutes.…

THAILAND – A man in Thailand confessed to cutting off his employee’s penis then throwing the detached member to his pet dogs to eat.

According to reports, 39-year-old Suwit Tipjantha was drinking at the home of his employer, 50-year-old Permsak Petprasert.

When they ran out of alcohol, Permsak and another man left to buy more while leaving Suwit at the home with Permsak’s wife, who was sleeping in another room.

When Permsak returned home, he was greeted by his frantic wife running out of the house claiming that while they were gone Suwit had come into her room and began stroking her arm.

“Me and another friend came back and my wife was screaming,” Permsak said. “She ran to me and said that Suwit had went into the room while she was sleeping and touched her.”

When Permsak went inside his home he witnessed Suwit coming out of his wife’s room wearing only his shorts.

Furious, Permsak attacked Suwit with a hammer rendering him unconscious. This is probably a good thing for Suwit because of what Permsak did next.…

LAKEWAY, TX — A woman has been arrested after she passed out after locking her and her 10-year-old son in a car as temperatures outside reached over 100°.

According to police, the boy woke up inside the car after his mother, 34-year-old Adriane Moss, had parked it with the windows rolled up.

As the temperatures climbed inside the car, the boy eventually called 911 for help after sitting in the locked car for about an hour with his unresponsive mother.

According to Lakeway Dispatch, the boy could be heard on the call asking his mother to roll down the windows. She could be heard replying “no.”

When police arrived at the scene, Moss was seen getting out of the car. She and her son both had “sweaty and matted hair,” according to police who also stated the interior of the car was in excess of 123 degrees.

Moss also smelled of alcohol when talking to the officers and was stumbling around. She reportedly ignored officers’ questions, and at one point told her son to “get out of her life.”

Moss was arrested and charged with abandoning or endangering a child.…

SELMA, NC – A woman is facing animal cruelty charges after she drank a potentially lethal amount of alcohol before getting behind the wheel of her vehicle.

The not-so-nice lady with the “rode hard and put away wet” look is Gloria Denise Mitchell, and, believe it or not, she is only 45.

How do you get that rough-looking in just 45 years? Techniques vary from harridan to harridan; Gloria’s time-tested technique is alcohol, and lots of it.

She exceeded even her own usual excess on the evening of July 5th at an upper-crust lodging facility known as the Knights Inn (please keep your sexual innuendos to yourselves).

It was there she swilled enough booze to clock in at an impressive 0.347% BAC, just one one-hundredth of a percentage point away from .357, which is the exact diameter of the high-powered pistol bullet that she probably deserves.

After impressing her fellow sophisticates with her alcoholic acumen, she decided to show off her similarly sharp driving skills by driving her pickup truck across the Knights Inn’s parking lot in reverse like a Heimlich-launched wad of gristly, overcooked meat from the throat of a choking, whore-spawned degenerate.…

CONROE, TX – Police have arrested a woman they say bit off and swallowed a portion of her neighbor’s nose.

The victim, Tatianna, said last week she went out drinking with her neighbor and 41-year-old Jessica Collins.

Tatianna said Collins was staying with her neighbor temporarily and that she had never met the woman until that day.

After enjoying an evening of drinking at a local bar, the trio returned to Tatianna’s home. Collins wasn’t ready to call it a night and demanded more alcohol and cigarettes.

When Tatianna refused and asked the two women to leave, Collins reportedly attacked Tatianna like a rabid animal. She allegedly pounced on top of her and bit off a substantial portion of Tatianna’s nose.

Collins must have been a tad bit hungry too because she decided to swallow it.

Tatianna said that she did not have time to react, and all she could remember was the taste of blood in her mouth. She did not realize most of her nose was missing until she was on the way to the hospital.…

Pulpit of Doom Podcast – Episode 7

July 9, 2018 at 1:28 pm by  

HERE, NOW – We had an impromptu podcast Saturday night that you can listen to below. Thanks to Jaded and Pagan for jumping and helping co-host.

In this particular podcast, we discussed many things including MAGA hats and the people that hate them, elderly women who murder their elderly sons, and how much shit needs to be in a potato salad to make you have watery diarrhea for days.

We also made fun of Pagan for using the word “anywho”as it should never be uttered by anyone who doesn’t want to be murdered.

Thanks to all of you who stopped by. Slowly but surely, we getting used to the move to Youtube. Eventually we may adopt an actual format. Maybe.

If you’d like to be informed of future Pulpit of Doom podcasts, you can be reminded by subscribing to our Youtube channel and making sure you turn on notifications. They are normally on the weekends and start anywhere between 9 and 11 p.m. Friday or Saturday.

We do read all Superchats and welcome any we get as Youtube has been quickly demonetizing our videos not long after they go up.…

ONTARIO, CA – Police have a teen in custody after they say she intentionally used a vehicle to injure her boyfriend and kill her 7-month old daughter.

Sarah Gomez, 19, and her 21-year-old boyfriend were at a family gathering Monday night and had both been drinking.

They were driving home a few streets away when the two began arguing. When they were in the driveway of their home, the boyfriend got out of the vehicle while carrying the couple’s 7-month-old daughter.

According to police, that’s when Gomez, who was in the driver’s seat, intentionally drove into them.

“I believe, at this time, that the father and the child were either at the side of the car or at the back of the car, I’m not sure. It did happen near the apron of the driveway and getting into the street area,” said Ontario PD Sgt. Jeff Higbee.

The boyfriend was taken to the hospital to be treated for scrapes and bruises, but the 7-month-old was transported to the hospital where she would later die from her injuries.…

FRIENDSWOOD, TX – After being escorted from her child’s school play for being intoxicated, a Texas mother assaulted a police officer and then flooded her jail cell.

I get needing a lil’ suminsumin to get through your kid’s school events — school plays, fundraisers, parent-teacher conferences — but 35-year-old Christy Ann Churchwell really overdid it and just made a bad situation much, much worse.

Last Thursday she was watching her child in a play at Friendswood Junior High School when others begin complaining about her obnoxious behavior.

A police officer asked to speak with her outside and noticed she reeked of alcohol. After being helped outside, Churchwell balled up her fists and lunged at the officer.

That was when she was charged with public intoxication. While in custody, police would find eight 75 mL bottles of vodka in her purse, seven of which were empty.

As she was being escorted to a police car, Churchwell reportedly cursed at the officers present and kicked one of them. That’s when Churchwell was charged with assault of a police officer.…

BAY CITY, MI – A woman is facing some felony charges for trying to run over her husband with her minivan after the couple attended a swinger’s party.

Shit went down on Sept. 21 after someone called police to report a woman trying to run down people with her vehicle.

When police arrived at the scene, they found a Dodge Caravan in front of a residence and its owner, 28-year-old Amber Schomaker, trying to enter the home with a screwdriver.

Schomaker’s 33-year-old husband was also outside and sporting a nasty gash to his forehead. When police made contact with a woman inside the home, she explained she was the one who called 911.

She explained that she and her fiancée had invited the Schomakers to their home for a swinger party. At some point the woman went upstairs with Schomaker’s husband, leaving Schomaker downstairs with her fiancée.

When they returned downstairs, they found a heavily intoxicated Amber was not happy about her husband plowing someone else’s bean field. She conveyed this by slapping her husband across the face before going outside.…

JASPER, FL – Police have arrested a man who allegedly left his toddler outside overnight as Irma passed through the city.

The mother of the 19-month-old called police Sunday night to report her daughter was missing.

She said the girl’s father, 36-year-old Angelo Mitchell, left the house with the girl but returned a couple of hours later without her.

When questioned by police, an intoxicated Mitchell admitted he had been watching his daughter and had been drinking, but denied ever taking the girl out of the house. He said the girl was safe and probably with a family friend.

With Irma passing through the city, police dogs had problems locating the missing girl’s scent in the storm. It wouldn’t be until the next day that a neighbor found the girl lying in the yard of a home 400 to 500 yards away.

She was alive ( a rarity for this site) but her skin appeared purple and was covered in scratches and bug bites. Authorities believe the girl was left exposed to the storm’s rain and wind gusts the entire night.…


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    Be sure to pick up the DD crApp for Android. Coming to iTunes soon.