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FRIENDSWOOD, TX – After being escorted from her child’s school play for being intoxicated, a Texas mother assaulted a police officer and then flooded her jail cell.

I get needing a lil’ suminsumin to get through your kid’s school events — school plays, fundraisers, parent-teacher conferences — but 35-year-old Christy Ann Churchwell really overdid it and just made a bad situation much, much worse.

Last Thursday she was watching her child in a play at Friendswood Junior High School when others begin complaining about her obnoxious behavior.

A police officer asked to speak with her outside and noticed she reeked of alcohol. After being helped outside, Churchwell balled up her fists and lunged at the officer.

That was when she was charged with public intoxication. While in custody, police would find eight 75 mL bottles of vodka in her purse, seven of which were empty.

As she was being escorted to a police car, Churchwell reportedly cursed at the officers present and kicked one of them. That’s when Churchwell was charged with assault of a police officer.…

Heather Michele HallYORK, PA – Heather Hall is one nasty piece of work. The mother of two is in jail after she choked her 11-year-old son on Valentine’s Day when he tried stopping her from putting his baby sister outside in the snow.

According to the charging documents, Hall told her son she no longer wanted his 2-year-old sister and threatened to put her outside in freezing temperatures.

When her son blocked a hallway to stop her, she allegedly grabbed him by the throat until he couldn’t breathe. The boy also told police that when he went to grab a blanket that he and his sister could use in case Hall did put his sister outside, she tackled him.

When police got to the apartment, Officer Michael Jordan looked through a sliding-glass door and saw Hall asleep on the couch, with her daughter pinned between her and the back of the couch.

Jordan was able to wake up Hall who, according to documents, asked, “What the fuck are you doing in my house, Jordan?” She continued to scream at the officer until the father of the toddler, Mark Gibbs, arrived at the apartment.…

Alexandria MauerWESTLAKE, OH – Alexandria Mauer and Kenneth Gillespie were arrested this weekend after police found the classy duo tooling around town drunk and naked.

Police were called at 12:22 a.m. Saturday after the two were spotted standing naked outside their vehicle. The caller reported that the couple had returned to the car and driven away, running over a curb and across a lawn in the process.

Police found 24-year-old Mauer in the driver’s seat, naked, drunk, and holding a piece of pizza, while the passenger’s seat was occupied by 33-year-old Gillespie, who also was drunk and naked. He had an open beer between his feet. She’s facing a drunk driving charge; Gillespie is looking at disorderly conduct while intoxicated, open container, and public indecency charges.

Proving himself to be a bit of a cliché, Gillespie pissed in the back seat of the cruiser on the way to the police station.

Mauer was released to a family member but was found wandering down a road (partially dressed this time) after arguing with her ride, leading to yet another arrest and a disorderly conduct charge.…

PorkFramingham, MA — I’ve been here at the Demon for a long, long time. So long, in fact, that it is difficult to find a story that actually makes me feel. But this one, well, this one made me tear up a bit.

According to police, Lindsay McNamara, 24, sauntered into the Framingham Police Department Friday, with a Dunkin’ Donuts box in her hands. She approached the lobby window, police say, and when the officer behind the glass asked how he could help her, McNamara reportedly declared it was “time to feed the pigs.”

She reached into the box, which apparently didn’t contain donuts, and grabbed a handful of raw bacon and sausage links. (Please, friends, pardon my hysterical sobbing). She then proceeded to throw the products at the window, while simultaneously smearing them on and around the glass.

The horror….

McNamara was arrested on charges of disorderly conduct and malicious destruction of property. Later that day, McNamara, who represented herself before the judge, reportedly said God told her to “go feed the pigs,” before claiming that the courts were allowing people to sell her.…

Carmine CervellinoThomaston, CT — Carmine Cervellino, 49, was arrested last week after his wife told police he stabbed a watermelon in a manner she perceived as “threatening.”

It all started on July 4, when Cervellino’s wife contacted police after finding a toolbox in their home with marijuana and an assortment of pills hidden inside. She told police she snatched the drugs and took photos of the items with her cell phone before stashing them in her bedroom.

When police arrived at the couple’s home, the toolbox and the alleged drug stash were nowhere to be found. The woman’s pictures weren’t going to be enough to make a case, so no arrest was made.

Later that day, the woman claims, she returned home to find a watermelon on the kitchen counter with a butcher knife sticking out of it. Just moments later, she said, her husband walked into the kitchen and, without saying a word, began carving the melon in what she called a passive-aggressive and menacing manner. She whipped out her cell phone again and took pictures of the knife, which she later showed to police.…

boy with gunMILTON, WI – Two people were hurt in a three-vehicle rollover accident caused by an 11-year-old boy pointing an Airsoft gun out the rear window of a car.

The accident happened last week on Highway 59 in Milton, near Highway N. A female driver told investigators a boy leaned out the back window of the car in front of her pointing a gun.

She immediately slammed on her brakes, causing the car following behind her to ram into the back of her vehicle before swerving into the opposite lane of traffic, hitting an SUV head-on and causing it to rollover.

Surprisingly, no one was seriously injured. The driver of the SUV that rolled and the woman who initially slammed on her brakes were both taken to the hospital with minor injuries but released a short time later.

Authorities eventually identified the 11-year-old boy and his family, who were staying at a campground just down the road from where the accident happened. The boy’s grandmother had been driving and said she didn’t even know there had been an accident or that her grandson had been pointing the toy gun out the window.…

Hillard StallingsOklahoma City, OK — A registered sex offender is facing numerous charges after police received complaints about the man walking butt nekkid in his yard, and for shaking his dick at a teen boy.

The first complaint came from a mother driving her three children to their piano lessons. The woman informed dispatchers that her children, ages 6, 10, and 12, brought her attention to the nekkid man, identified as 68-year-old Hillard Stallings.

It didn’t take long for the rest of the neighborhood to chime in with police — they informed dispatchers Stallings had been wandering around the yard, in the buff, for at least 10 minutes.

Officers made contact with Stallings, and chatted with him for a bit, but an immediate arrest was not made. When they drove back through the neighborhood a few minutes later, though, they spotted the skeevy bastard in the yard, shaking his willy and making thrusting motions at a 14-year-old boy who had been passing the home.

Stallings spotted police and raced for the house, but the officers were quicker.…

Tim MargisHomer Glen, IL — The director of public safety for Concordia University was terminated and arrested last week after a female employee at the school accused him of depositing a load of pecker spit in her shoe.

According to authorities, the female employee claimed she witnessed 38-year-old Tim Margis walk out of her office on the evening of February 10, buttoning up his pants and fastening his belt. When the woman asked Margis what he was doing in her office, he told her he was checking the room because the door had been left open.

When the woman walked into her office, she discovered a “clear liquid” inside one of her shoes.

Margis was interviewed a couple days later and reportedly admitted to having masturbated in the woman’s shoe. He failed to explain why, though. Police say there was never any sort of relationship between Margis and the victim, and there hadn’t been any previous allegations of misconduct.

Margis charged with public indecency and disorderly conduct, both misdemeanors, and released on $150 bail.…

Ashley Marie PrenovostGlendale, AZ — A 24-year-old woman is facing several charges after allegedly pitching a fit and breaking stuff, and slightly injuring her infant, after her boyfriend refused to give her the D.

This may come as a surprise to none of you, but this isn’t the first time we’ve covered such a story. We got a beatin‘, a fish-hookin‘ and a dick bitin‘… just to name a few. Will you men never learn?

Anyway, police were called to the couple’s home Monday and found Ashley Marie Prenovost nekkid, bloody and drunk. It  is alleged that after the boyfriend refused coitus, Prenovost went on a rampage. Police say she punched a couple of holes in the bedroom wall and smashed a picture frame, causing injuries to both of her hands.

Then, for whatever reason, Prenovost picked up the four-month-old child she shares with her boyfriend, and began carrying her around the house, yelling and screaming and bleeding all over the place. At some point during the alleged tirade, the child’s head met a dresser.…

Tevin Kievelle MonroeNorfolk, VA — A 31-year-old man is facing numerous charges after police say he flashed a handgun in the general direction of a manager at McDonald’s when said manager informed him he must fill out an application for employment online.

According to police, Tevin Monroe walked into a Norfolk McDonald’s last week and asked for a job application. The manager on duty informed Monroe they don’t do paper applications anymore — the application process is handled online. Because fuck doing things the old-fashioned way…. it’s all about cold, hard technology, bitch. Just click “Submit,” cross your fingers and pray an actual human looks at it and has the courtesy to get back in touch, k?

Anyway, Tevin wasn’t buying the whole “we don’t have paper applications” thing and asked again. Nonverbally. Like, with a gun. Tevin didn’t even have to remove the handgun from his waistband, he just flashed it. Then, whaddyaknow? A paper application appeared in the manager’s hands.

Poor, stupid Tevin was sitting down in the restaurant filling out that application when police arrived.…

frozen turkeyMADISON, WI – An argument between two groups of women at the meat counter of a Woodman’s Food Market turned into a food fight involving pepper spray, yogurt, bacon, and a frozen turkey.

Police say the fight between the women was an ongoing dispute over money that, for some reason, came to a head at the store’s meat counter. Words were exchanged and two women found themselves facing off against four other women.

One of the women in the larger group pulled out some pepper spray and sprayed the other two. This led to one of the women grabbing a frozen turkey and swinging it around before throwing it at another woman. She missed her intended target, but managed to hit a pallet of bacon, which toppled to the floor.

A 62-year-old man inside the store called 911 to report the fight, telling police he was just hit in the head with a full container of strawberry yogurt. Two of the women began punching each other before rolling around on the floor in the spilled yogurt and bacon.…

girl bullySTAMFORD, CT – Police in Connecticut have arrested a 12-year-old girl after they say she was relentlessly bullying another student at a private middle school in Stamford.

The parents of a 13-year-old girl went to police after their daughter told them she was being bullied at school by the 12-year-old, who constantly taunted and harassed her. Even after making the complaint to police, the bullying continued and even intensified.

The bullying got so bad that the victim spoke about killing herself, prompting school administrators to work with police and investigate the bullying claims. This lead to police arresting the bully and charging her with disorderly conduct.

“This behavior will not be tolerated,” Stamford Police Capt. Richard Conklin said. “If it is brought to our attention, we will vigorously investigate the allegations and make arrests when appropriate. We investigate all claims of bullying, and this type of behavior will not be condoned in a learning environment.”

Some residents think that arresting the girl, who was later released to her parents, is a bit drastic.…


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