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Merrimack, NH — Jodi Ecklund is facing a heap of charges after barricading herself in her apartment last Saturday, holding police at bay for several hours with threats of violence and death.

All this, police say, because of her boyfriend’s lackluster comment about the spaghetti dinner she dished up for him.

Jason Martin told police Ecklund made him a spaghetti dinner, asking him afterward what he thought about it. “It was OK,” he replied. It was then, he said, she went all kinds of bipolar on him.

Martin claims Ecklund punched him in the face and arm and scratched his hand. After he left the apartment, he said, Ecklund locked the door.

When police arrived on scene, they were informed by Martin that there were guns in the home — a Glock 9mm and a M4 rifle.

Police could hear Ecklund yelling inside of the apartment, screaming at them to “get the (bleep) out of there!” She threatened to kill the officers if they entered, and/or harm herself.

When police attempted to gain entrance, Ecklund told them to go right ahead….…

Christopher GamboeckMADISON, WI – Police have arrested 33-year-old Christopher Gamboeck after he allegedly threw a beer bottle at a bartender’s head because she changed the bar’s music from Black Sabbath to God-awful Christmas music.

The incident happened Christmas Eve afternoon at the Farm Tavern Bar, where a drunken Gamboeck was drinking with his uncle.

According to police, Gamboeck became very upset over the bartender changing the music from Black Sabbath to Christmas crap, and decided to give her some what for.

Patrons in the bar told police that Gamboeck chugged a bottle of Budweiser, slammed the bottle on the bar, then threw the bottle at the bartender’s head. He then tried to go around the bar with his fists clenched, but other patrons intervened.

Gamboeck’s uncle managed to get his nephew out of the bar after Gamboeck pulled a Christmas tree to the ground and broke a few ornaments.

Police caught up to Gamboeck at his residence where he rushed towards the officers and hurled some gender-based obscenities at a female officer.…

dykemaBROOKSVILLE, FL – Police say they entered a veritable house of horrors while attempting to pick up 47-year-old Nickcole Dykema for multiple probation violations.

Seargant Chris Calderon saw Dykema staring at him through a broken window of her mobile home and requested that she come out. Dykema retorted with a slew of profanities and told him to “leave her property!”

Officers responding to Calderon’s call for back-up forced their way inside her home but not before Dykema fled to a corner and hid beneath a blanket with her feet poking out from the bottom. She was also armed with a long sword and the officers said they could see her waving it under the blanket.

I had hoped that this included her quietly booing while swaying back in forth like ghost from Scooby Doo, but when reading into it further I discovered it played out like a scene from first season of True Detective.

Dykema swung her sword at Calderon, missing his face by inches. She was shot with a non-lethal bean bag round and fled to another room filled with hundreds knives of all shapes and sizes.…

Jeff RubinPORTLAND, OR – Police arrested 27-year-old Jeff Rubin on Friday after he allegedly pissed all over fellow passengers on JetBlue flight.

According to witnesses, Rubin had been sleeping for the majority of the flight from Anchorage, but about 30 minutes before landing, “he stood up and began urinating through the crack of the seat onto the passengers seated in front of him.”

But Rubin wasn’t finished. As he was pissing on the passengers in front of him, Rubin lost his balance and fell backwards and “urinate(d) upwards which got the passengers and seats next to him as well as some other passengers’ personal belongings.”

After the plane landed, Port of Portland Police boarded and found Rubin passed out in his seat. An officer then began interviewing passengers. “At one point, the officer was like, ‘Who got peed on?“‘ said Suzanna Caldwell, who was sitting two rows in front of Rubin.

The way she describes it, no one yelled or screamed after getting pissed on, which turns the entire thing into something hilarious (to me, not the people he pissed on) into something, well, kinda odd.…

LemastersHAPPY VALLEY, OR – Before I start kicking your ass with the real depressing news, I’ll be nice and prime your butthole with a lighter story currently making the rounds.

Police have arrested Joel Lemasters, 26, after they say he threw a peach pie at a woman who refused to give him a cigarette.

According to reports, Lemasters approached the woman at around 8 a.m. and asked to bum a smoke. When she refused, Lemasters got angry and threw a peach pie at her car window and began kicking her vehicle.

“He got really mad and started yelling,” Sgt. Dan Kraus, Clackamas County Sheriff’s Office spokesman said. “Then he wound up and threw a pie at her.”

Police arrived at the scene and found Lemasters trying to assault he woman again. A deputy was able to intervene and throw Lemasters to the ground. He was taken into custody and has been charged with suspicion of harassment, criminal mischief and violating parole from a previous conviction.

Lemasters, who has no permanent address, is currently residing in Clackamas County Jail.…

Fucking snakeSaskatoon, Canada — A couple of 20-year-old men are facing charges after an argument over diced onions led to the tossing of a snake at a Saskatoon Tim Hortons. Seriously, have you ever been sooooo mad…. ?

The unidentified men were apparently displeased about the shape of the onions on their breakfast order and an argument ensued. It quickly escalated, as arguments over food often do, and at that point, police say, one of the men did a reach around, stuck his hand into his partner’s pocket and removed a snake. No, not a trouser snake — a garter snake. Because who doesn’t have one of those just hanging around in their pocket? Trouser snake would have made for an interesting story, though….

Anyway, the man threw the snake over the counter and in the general direction of the employees.

There were no reported injuries, and it is unclear as to how many people in the restaurant shit their pants in fear, but it did create a bit of chaos as employees ran screaming from the establishment.…

Sean JohnsonBrooksville, FL — A 19-year-old weirdo is facing charges of criminal mischief and indecent exposure after police say he violated a stuffed animal in the bedding department of a Brooksville Walmart.

According to police, Sean Johnson was captured acting all suspicious and stuff on surveillance video Tuesday afternoon. In said video, Johnson is apparently seen approaching the innocent plush toy in the clearance section somewhere near the garden department. He was then seen carrying his new found love to the bedding department.

It was there, police say, that Johnson got busy.

In the surveillance video, Johnson is seen exposing his Johnson and humping the horse — utilizing short, fast movements. When finished, Johnson reportedly shot his load on the horse’s chest. Sated, Johnson placed the stuffed animal on top of a comforter set and exited the store.

I have to assume security personnel were rolling on the floor laughing, while vomiting, maybe, and that’s why they failed to apprehend the plushie fucker before he was able to make it out of the store.…

Sandra SuarezPinellas Park, FL — In a video recently posted to LiveLeak, a 41-year-old woman, clad in nothing but a thong, is seen rampaging through a Pinellas County McDonald’s, breaking and throwing shit before eating ice cream straight out of the machine.

According to the fine folks over at WFTS, Susan Suarez walked into the McDonald’s at about 7:00 the evening of March 24th and offered one of the employees oral sex. When the employee refused, Suarez apparently started smashing, ultimately causing more than $10,000 in damage.

In the video, which has since gone viral, Suarez is seen banging her dome on the counter, pushing registers to the floor, throwing food and other items, toppling drink dispensers and repeatedly opening and closing a refrigerator door. The pièce de résistance, though? Sucking ice cream right out of the machine. And ice cream apparently soothes even the most savage of beasts because Suarez cooled her shit right then.

Well, kinda. Police say she put up a bit of a fight while they were trying to detain her, kicking, licking and attempting to kiss the arresting officers.…

Dawn LohmannCorvallis, OR — The not-so-hot mess to the left is 24-year-old Dawn Lohmann — she was arrested on numerous charges after allegedly going all neanderthal and beating the crap out of a disabled vehicle on I-5 Sunday, as the driver and passenger watched in horror.

The vehicle’s passengers, a 53 and 61-year-old woman, were out doing whatever it is women that age do on a Sunday morning, when their car ran out of gas on the highway. As the two woman dialed for help, Lohmann, barefoot, approached the car.

The two women wisely rolled up the windows and locked the doors. In response, Lohmann reportedly dropped her pants, exposing her lady bits to the women. And then it got weird…..

After dropping trou, Lohmann, barefoot and presumably pantless(?), took off across the highway.

She reappeared just moments later and jumped on the hood of the car. She then began jumping up and down, the women later told police. No word on whether any grunting, growling was involved. Also unknown, whether the words HULK or SMASH was used at any point.…

John PoseyParagould, AR — A 65-year-old man was jailed last weekend after he allegedly walked into a Radio Shack and started pissing all over the place.

When police made contact with the alleged pisser, John Posey, he appeared to be intoxicated. His eyes were bloodshot, he was unsteady on his feet, and he apparently reeked of booze. Oh yeah, and his fly was unzipped. Dead giveaway….

Posey initially told police he was just doing a little shopping and denied urinating on stuff. The officer called bullshit after being directed to a large, stinky wet spot on the carpet.

Posey eventually ‘fessed. When questioned as to why he didn’t just use the friggin’ restroom, Posey reportedly stated that “stores usually won’t let you, so I didn’t ask.” And well, he had to “pee bad.” Logic.

A Radio Shack employee told police that Posey caused about $800 in damages – his urine landed on some boxes containing televisions and various audio equipment. In addition to that, some carpet tiles are going to need replacing….…

Jesse DanielsClyde, NY – A man who caught four children vandalizing a home and held them in a closet until police arrived, has been charged with four counts of endangering the welfare of a child.

It happened Saturday night when Jesse Daniels had his wife call 911 after he heard loud noises coming from the home next door that he was renovating for his father-in-law. When he went inside the home, he busted four kids, ages eight and ten, doing some major damage to the property.  He knew the kids and their parents, and his wife had a minor altercation with them earlier that day when she asked the kids, who were on ATV’s, to get off their property.

Daniels said he took a hammer from one of the kids and then herded them all into a closet until police got there. “So I grab the one hammer and the other three (boys) got hammers, now I don’t know what to do here, I said you guys put that stuff down, what are you doing?  …

Barry Alan Swegle.Seattle, WA – A possible dispute over property lines between neighbors turned dangerous and somewhat hysterical when a 51 year-old Barry Alan Swegle hopped in a bulldozer and started smashing into houses.

Swegle is reported to have a lengthy criminal history which includes public indecency, stalking and burglary. He is also known by his neighbors as the guy who digs random holes with his bulldozer late at night. It would seem it was simply a matter of time before Barry was featured here at the Dreamin’ Demon for something.

One of his neighbors, Barbara Porter, claims she knew this was coming. She states “We all said one of these days Barry is going to take that dang cat and he’s  going to start tearing up people’s property and that’s what he did.” Well then. The rampage started sometime around noon on Friday, when Barry decided to play Blastcorps in real life. I hope Joe Lieberman doesn’t hear about this one.

Barry fired up an  International Harvester TD-25 and took out his grumpies on his neighbors’ property.…


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