A Quick Review Of Surviving Crooked Lake (2008)

August 16, 2010 at 10:02 pm by  

I just finished watching a film called  SURVIVING CROOKED LAKE that was just dark enough that I though I’d post something about it. It’s a survival tale that deviates from the standard all male formula these films usually subscribe to, the characters in CROOKED LAKE being a small group of 14-year-old girls. The four best friends get themselves lost in the Canadian wilderness during a canoeing excursion after their guide, Jonah, dies in an accident. The girls attempt to find their way back to civilization with no supplies, no idea of where to go and no knowledge of surviving off the land aside from pitching a tent and roasting marshmellows. If that wasn’t enough hurdles, Jonah’s little sister refuses to leave his body behind insisting the girls drag his corpse along with them. The longer it takes for them to find help, the riper Johna’s corpse becomes. This makes an extremely difficult task practically unbearable for all aside from the determined Steph, leading to shifting allegiances within the group and attracting the predators who smell a tasty meal from miles away.…

Review Of Burning Bright (2010)

August 15, 2010 at 5:53 pm by  

Tired of watching thrillers re-hashing the same old story? Well here’s a movie with a story so ludicrous that it alone was the reason why I bothered to watch in the first place. Get this: A girl is trapped inside her boarded up home with her severely autistic brother while a hurricane rages outside. But their chances would fare much better out there because inside the home they are being stalked…by a psychotic circus tiger! I shit you not. So now not only does the girl have to find a way out of the house without being eaten, she can’t even touch her little brother or kink up his schedule without him revealing their location when he goes all Frank and Beans while hitting himself in the head. It’s original, it’s absurd, it leaves me wishing i had whatever they where smoking when they came up with the story for BURNING BRIGHT. But please don’t let the absurd sounding plot keep you from checking this film out as surprisingly, it works beautifully.…

Netflix Night With Paranormal Entity (2009)

August 14, 2010 at 11:25 pm by  

The Chiller network kept advertising that they would be broadcasting The Asylum’s PARANORMAL ENTITY tonight, so I figured I would watch it on Netflix since I noticed it was one of their Watch Instantly titles. Besides, the adult book store I frequent got raided earlier this evening and I really had nothing else to do.

For those of you unaware, Asylum is a film studio known for distributing B-movies capitalizing off the buzz from bigger studios. Asylum names their films similarly and release them around the same time as their big-budget counterparts. You know, just like some pornos do.

But instead of films like SHAVING RYAN’S PRIVATES, Asylum has films you’ve probably seen on Chiller or SyFy titled TRANSMORPHERS, THE DA VINCI TREASURE, and SNAKES ON A TRAIN. Sometimes they are so bad that I actually get a kick out of watching these stinky nuggets they like to call “tie-ins” instead of “rip offs” or “mockbusters”, the terms the rest of us like to use.

So with the financial success of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY (our review) it came as no surprise that the clever people at Asylum would release their own suburban ghost story titled PARANORMAL ENTITY.

Review Of A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010)

August 13, 2010 at 10:27 am by  

2013-02-08_142134I firmly believe that the people behind Platinum Dunes absolutely hate horror movies. I think they are snickering at horror fans’ expense as the piles of money roll in from another uninspired, pointless reboot of a horror classic made purely for a Friday night cash grab.

I can’t say I blame them much, as horror fans are pretty loyal as evident by the profits generated with their remakes of TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE ($107 million gross / $9.5 million budget), AMITYVILLE HORROR ($108 million gross / $19 million budget) and FRIDAY THE 13TH ($91 million gross / $19 million budget).

So Platinum Dunes returns to plunder the great horror films of yester-year, this time setting their sights on the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET franchise. Does their tried-and-true formula fare any better with one of horror’s greatest films and most iconic villains? A $32.2 million opening weekend says yes, yes it does.

But what about horror fans…do they get to enjoy seeing one of horrors most famous icons slapped with a fresh coat of prosthetics and back on the big screen 25 years after his first appearance?…

A Serbian Film (2010)

August 12, 2010 at 2:12 am by  

Milos is a retired porn star short on cash who is offered good money to star in the new film of an  insane director. The only stipulation is that Milos will be given no script and will not know what will be filmed beforehand. His first scenes are slightly disturbing, even for Milos, but the lure of the fat paycheck keeps him performing. When asked to do more and more outlandish things, he tries to back out of his agreement, but by then it is too late, and poor Milos finds himself under the control of the director and forced to participate in some rather nasty activities. That’s the setup for A SERBIAN FILM, a film a friend of mine saw in SXSW this year; he remarked it was one of the sickest films he’d ever watched. Of course, I was instantly intrigued. One of the side effects of writing for this site is that I’m a bit…desensitized…to movie violence since the stories we report on  D’D make horror movies look silly in comparison.…

This week on Lost, the Temple becomes ground zero for the war between good and evil. The Other John Locke (Terry O’Quinn) sets his plan in motion with the help of a few familiar faces. Meanwhile, in the alternate reality (in which Oceanic 815 never crashed) we check in with Sayid as he struggles with questions regarding his true nature. Noticeably absent from this episode were Hurley (Jorge Garcia), Jack (Matthew Fox) and Sawyer (Josh Holloway), the last of which had – when we last saw him – decided to become a dedicated desciple of Evil Incarnate. From here on in…BEWARE TEH SPOILRZ!!!…

In this episode of LOST’s final season, lines continue to be drawn as the island heads into the mysterious and long alluded-to “war.” Hurley (Jorge Garcia) is visited yet again by the ghost of Jacob (Mark Pellegrino) and given further instructions. This time, Jack (Matthew Fox) is summoned as well. However, the good doctor has reached the end of his rope and is exhausted by mystery, perhaps as much as LOST’s entire audience. Meanwhile, we peek back in on Claire (Emelie De Ravin) and are given a few more clues regarding the cryptic “infection.” In the alternate reality, further differences are revealed between the original timeline and the new timeline. Jack is now the father of a moody tween and after meeting Dogen (Hiro Sanada), it continues to appear as though the island has held no sway whatsoever in this new reality. From here on in…BEWARE THE SPOILERS!!!…