Frackville, PA — George Beaver, 59, is in police custody for allegedly biting his wife’s face after she touched his bag of Utz Potato Chips.

Police were called to the Beaver’s home last week after receiving a report about domestic assault between George and his wife, Michelle.

When officers arrived on scene, Michelle reported that George was sitting in the living room watching television and that she just happened to pick up a bag of Utz Sour Cream and Onion rippled potato chips that had been sitting on the coffee table.

George apparently said something like, “leave the fucking chips alone.” (Could have been “goddamn chips”, too. Not positive which cuss word was used, so I’ll use my favorite).

Michelle did not leave the fucking chips alone. This angered the Beaver.

George reportedly grabbed Michelle by the face and bit her left cheek, just below the eye, tearing off a piece of skin and causing her to bleed.

George fled the home before officers arrived, prompting them to obtain a warrant for his arrest.…

Tarentum, PA — Police allege Teresa Drum, 38, shot and killed her husband after arguing about a casserole she’d burned, then snapped a quick pic of the body and texted it to a friend, before taking a quicky shower and calling 911.

When police and paramedics arrived at the couple’s home late Monday night, Teresa apparently attempted to convince them her husband, 42-year-old Dennis Drum Sr., killed himself.

Teresa claimed the two had argued over the charred casserole, and the fact that she had sucked down his last beer, and he just put a bullet in his head all on his own. She told police he did this as she was calling 911.

She showed police a picture of the body. She took the pic and texted it to a friend, she explained, because she didn’t know what to do. The friend apparently told her to call 911.

Heh. A good friend would have been over 15 minutes later with a shovel and a bottle of wine. Or a dead hooker.…

Shreveport, LA — This is Celina Ann Cabrera. She used to be employed at the Caddo Parish Animal Shelter. Wanna guess why she was fired?

If you guessed ‘crimes against nature’, you probably just peeked at the title. You win nothing.

Police received a tip last week that Cabrera was having sexy time with a dog, presumably at the shelter, and someone, somewhere, had the video to prove it.

24-year-old Cabrera was arrested Friday and has since bonded out.

Caddo Parish Public Information Officer Krystle Grindley initially said Monday that Cabrera was placed on administrative leave immediately after the commission was made aware of the arrest, but later revealed that Cabrera had actually been on leave since February 15.

Grindley added that she could not confirm the reason for that leave, and cited personal privacy issues.

Cabrera’s videographer, 41-year-old Booker Talioterro Thomas, a former employee of the shelter, was arrested as well. He’s been charged with principal to crimes against nature.

ETA: According to Cpl. Marcus Hines, a police department spokesman, it does not appear as if Cabrera engaged in coitus with the dog at the shelter.…

San Antonio, TX — Javier Hernandez, 30, was arrested earlier this week in connection with the death of a prostitute whose body had been found burned to a crisp last month.

The victim’s body was found in a burning garage near Hernandez’s home on January 22. Police have yet to identify her, but describe her as being Hispanic and between 18 and 35 years old. They believe she had brown hair, breast implants and a tattoo on her lower back.

Surveillance video apparently showed a dark truck pulling out of the garage shortly before the building went up in flames.

According to authorities, a witness came forward Thursday and informed investigators that Hernandez admitted to strangling the woman before burning the body in the garage. The witness also said that prior to setting the woman’s body on fire, Hernandez allowed an acquaintance to have sex with the corpse. Not sure if that’s being a good friend? Or a sucky, bad friend….

Anyway, Hernandez admitted that he owned a dark truck, but not the one seen in the surveillance video.…

Scottsdale, AZ — Delia Flores, 53, had a hunch that her boyfriend was cheating on her, so she shot him a few times. Seven, to be exact. And three of those shots were to the babymaker.

Somehow, dude survived.

According to police, Flores called 911 Saturday night to report her boyfriend had been shot. She initially told police her boyfriend informed her that he had been shot and asked her to call for help.

She later changed her story, telling police it was she that shot him because she believed he was cheating on her.

The victim reportedly told police he had fallen asleep sitting up in a chair, and woke to what he thought was the sound of fireworks. Oh, and excruciating pain in his lower extremities.

He had been shot once in the dick, and twice in the scrotum. Plus, there were additional gunshot wounds — neck, upper back, and thigh.

The man told officers he owned three 9-mm guns but said he didn’t think his Flores owned a handgun, let alone know how to use one.…

Green Bay, WI — Jonathan Schrap, 24, was sentenced to three and half years behind bars Friday, for amputating a woman’s pinky finger with a machete last year in some sort of retarded ritual to honor a fellow Juggalo.

I don’t know how Morbid missed this one…..

Back in August of 2016, Schrap and a few other Juggalos held a memorial service of sorts for a friend of theirs that had passed that year.

As part of the “ritual”, 27-year-old Shelby Neuens offered to let Schrap drink her blood. So he slashed her on the right forearm, leaving her “bleeding profusely” from a one-inch laceration.

The group then pondered on the idea of amputating a body part, to show how damn serious they were about this whole memorial thing. Again, Neuens, a true team player, stepped up and offered her pinky.

Took Schrap a couple of swings with a machete before the digit was removed at the palm. Schrap then put the pinky in his freezer, saying he would cook it and eat it later.…

Washington DC — A 76-year-old woman accused of beating the life out of her 63-year-old boyfriend apparently told police she did it because she was “tired of loving him.”

Officers met with Thomasine Bennett at her home Friday afternoon, after receiving a report of a disturbance. Bennett informed the officers her boyfriend, Walter Clark, was in the back.

Bennett, for whatever reason, was quick to mention to police that Clark forced her to smoke the street drug “love boat” the night before. (Love boat, and I’m sure you’ll correct me if I’m wrong, is marijuana laced with PCP or formaldehyde)?

Bennett then led the officers to a hallway closet that had been barricaded with a board. Inside, police say, lay Clark. He was found to be naked, in the fetal position with his hands bound, unconscious, and unresponsive.

Clark died at the hospital, about an hour later.

When questioned, Bennett told police Clark proposed to her on Valentine’s Day. But she was tired of loving him, she said, and sharing him with other women.…

Stuart, FL — A 42-year-old man has been accused of punching his girlfriend, and striking her with a dildo, because she insulted his love making skills. *cough* whiskey dick! *cough*

Eric Pritsch was charged with battery following the incident, which was reported earlier this month.

According to the arrest affidavit, Pritsch’s girlfriend, 58-year-old Carol Favuzza, flagged down a deputy on February 7, and asked him to call police, as she had been assaulted. The officer apparently had to inform her he was the police.

Favuzza told the deputy Pritsch punched her in the face because, while they were copulating, she told him, “You’re not a man, you’re a mouse.”

Favuzza went on to say that Pritsch hit her in the back several times with a dildo and some sort of cord. The officer failed to find any marks on the woman’s back, but did notice swelling to her face. He also noticed the woman smelled strongly of alcohol.

Pritsch, also apparently shitfaced, denied striking the woman. According to him, he had been asleep for several hours.…

Flagler County, FL — William Walsh has been arrested and charged with child abuse after police say he smacked one young girl on the ass and tried to lure another away from her bus stop.

According to police, Walsh approached a 14-year-old girl in late January and said, “Hey, let me get some of that,” and slapped her on the ass.

The girl’s grandmother reported the incident to police, but deputies were unable to identify the man and closed the case. They did, however, beef up patrols in the area where the alleged ass slapping took place.

This past Friday, Walsh apparently approached an 8-year-old girl waiting at her bus stop and showed her a drawing of a puppy, telling her the dog was lost and he needed her help.

After speaking with parents and other children who got on and off the bus at that particular intersection, investigators learned that Walsh was almost a fixture at that bus stop and has tried talking to numerous children when there were no adults around.…

Mission, TX — Mario Cardona, 59, was taken into custody last week after a video showing him dragging his German Shepard behind his motorized scooter surfaced on Facebook.

The woman responsible for posting the video, Michelle Torrez, was heading out to run errands Thursday, when she spotted Cardona motoring down the sidewalk, the pup struggling as it was being dragged.

“I turn around. I see him dragging his dog from the middle of street. … I’m out of my car yelling at him, asking him, ‘What are you doing? What’s wrong with you?’ And he just keeps going, telling me to mind my own business, it’s his dog he can do whatever he wants,” Torrez claimed.

Torrez whipped out her phone and started recording. After calling the police, Torrez posted the video to her profile, where it quickly received thousands of views.

Cardona was arrested less than 24 hours later. He’s been charged with animal cruelty, and bond has been set at $10,000. His priors include assault, driving while intoxicated, criminal mischief and possession of cocaine.…

Norristown, PA — A day care teacher is jobless and facing charges after admitting to police that he sexually assaulted a 3-year-old girl in his care because she called him stupid.

Michael Barbee, 32, a teacher from the Early Learning Center Program of St. Francis Parish, was charged Saturday with involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, aggravated indecent assault, unlawful contact with a minor, and other related offenses.

According to a criminal complaint, police began investigating Barbee after the child apparently informed her parents that Mr.Michael covered her mouth and hurt her with his finger.

Barbee initially denied the accusation, but when faced with a polygraph, reportedly told police he forcibly touched the girl. He had his hand down her pants for about ten seconds, he said, and she said ‘ouch.’ And he claimed he did it because she called him stupid.

The Archdiocese of Philadelphia released this statement after Barbee’s arrest:

Mr. Michael Barbee, a teacher at the Early Learning Center Program of Saint Francis Parish in Norristown (Montgomery County) was placed on administrative leave on Friday, February 10th following notification to the parish that he was under investigation by law enforcement for an alleged criminal matter.

Daytona Beach, FL — Two grown ass men and a teenager were arrested Tuesday after allegedly beating a Navy Vet who asked them to stop torturing a turtle.

Gary Blough told police his wife had been walking outside with their toddler when she spotted the men knocking the turtle around.

Blough said the men were repeatedly slamming the turtle to the concrete, shell side down. He kindly asked them to stop, he said, and allow the turtle to get back to the water.

Unfazed, one of the little bitches, later identified as 18-year-old Johnnie Beveritt, reportedly picked up the turtle and threw it down on the sidewalk. The two other men, Ryan Ponder, 23, and a 16-year-old boy, kicked the turtle toward an apartment building away from the pond.

Blough then asked his wife to call police and attempted to rescue the injured turtle.

“They started hitting the back of my head and started punching me. I was able to fend off a little bit but I mean three of them, they got the better of me,” he said.…


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