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Vero Beach, FL — This lovely young lady was jailed last week after allegedly slashing her live-in boyfriend’s face with a knife because he wasn’t in the mood for nookie.

Police were called to the home 27-year-old Katherine Nieves Tavarez shares with her boyfriend, Amaury Vazquez Carrero, early Thursday morning, and were greeted by a bloodied Tavarez at the door. No, the blood wasn’t hers.

While speaking to Tavarez, the officer noticed Carrero, with blood on his face, drop to the floor. When the officer asked the man what happened, Carrero replied, “She hit me with a knife! I can’t see!”

According to Carrero, Tavarez, who had been drinking that day, made it crystal clear that she was looking to get a little. Carrero, however, was apparently on a different page. Denied, several times over, Tavarez proceeded to throw a bitch fit. At that point, Carrero says, he retreated to the patio.

He told police a screaming Tavarez was hot on his heels, armed with a large, silver kitchen knife.…

ST ALBANS, WV – Police have arrested a man after he huffed spray paint then beat his mother over the head with a spatula.

Glenn Allen Casdorph loves paint. His mother? Maybe not so much.

About 10:45 PM last Thursday, September 13th, police in St. Albans, West Virginia were dispatched to a residence in reference to a domestic incident involving injuries.

That’s cop-speak for “Glenn’s up to his old tricks again.”

When they arrived, officers found Glenn Allen Casdorph, 30, AKA “Casdorph the Destroyer,” AKA “Squirrel,” sitting on a bench in the front yard, brandishing a steel bar and besmeared with copious amounts of silver spray-paint.

It is a well-known fact to connoisseurs of spray paint that the silver and gold varietals have both the best bouquet and the best buzz. And Casdorph the Destroyer is no novice when it comes to huffing paint.

Having dealt with Casdorph multiple times in relation to his predilection for solvent abuse, his condition was probably not surprising to responding officers. And given his history of responding violently to anyone who attempted to curtail his illicit love of fluorocarbons, what they found in the house probably didn’t surprise them either.…

FORT PIERCE, FL – Police in Florida arrested a man for giving his girlfriend a “wet willy” during an argument.

Ah, Florida Man. You are crude, violent and shameless, bereft of common sense and common decency, and inevitably oh-so-entertaining.

And you are prone to stick your willy where it doesn’t belong.

Sometimes it’s an underaged orifice, sometimes it’s just an unreceptive one. Sometimes it’s a knothole in a fence or even a dead animal.

Sometimes it’s not even really a willy.

St. Lucie County, Florida denizen Joseph Jean Sireci, 47, took domestic abuse into the realm of the ludicrous in a quintessential Homo floridius manner.

On August 15th, Sireci’s better half came home from a long day at work to find him laying on the living room floor, unshaven and stinking of booze, drunk as a blind weasel and just as testy.

Sources don’t specify, but I imagine she had something to say to his worthless ass. He definitely had something to say back.

She would later tell authorities that Sireci was “arguing with her and being rude,” so she decided to take the kids and go to a friend’s house.…

CHARLESTON, WV – A television meteorologist has been charged with battery after she cracked the skull of her station’s news anchor during an argument over a man.

According to police, WSAZ-TV news anchor Erica Bivens was at a bar drinking with her husband when they ran into the station’s weather girl, 26-year-old Chelsea Ambriz.

Ambriz, who worked with Bivens on the 4 p.m. forecast, allegedly began flirting with Bivens’ husband. He turned her down and went back to stand with his wife.

When he told her what had just happened, Bivens walked over to Ambriz and confronted her. Ambriz became physically aggressive and started pushing Bivens.

Both women grappled and ended up falling near the bar, causing Bivens to suffer a fractured skull and a ruptured eardrum.

Bivens told police she had problems with Ambriz being aggressive with her in the past.

Ambriz was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery and now facing a year in jail if convicted. Ambriz told friends she has been suspended from her job.…

TAMPA, FL — A man got so angry during a political disagreement that he drove to the other man’s house and shot him in the ass.

It happened Monday night after 44-year-old Brian Sebring and 46-year-old Alex Stephens got into a political argument that seems to be the norm these days.

Sebring was not happy about Stephens’ messages, nor did he like the threats Stephens was allegedly sending him.

So instead of blocking him or calling police to report the alleged threats, Sebring made the totally rational decision to visit Stephens at his house two miles away. Armed with a Glock and an AR-15.

After pulling into Stephens’ driveway and honking his horn, Stephens came out of his house to confront Sebring.

Sebring responded by pulling out his Glock and firing at Stephens, hitting the man in the thigh and the ass. Sebring then turned himself in to police.

Stephens was taken to Tampa General Hospital with non-life threatening injuries while Sebring was arrested and charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and carrying a concealed firearm.…

DURHAM, NC – An aggressive driver, whose antics behind the wheel caused locals to use social media to get him off the road, has had his sentencing delayed after a judge questioned his plea deal that would have him serve no jail time.

Close your eyes. Now imagine the most aggressive driver you’ve ever encountered. Imagine someone even more aggressive than that. No, even worse.

Imagine a Road Douche so bad that other social-media-savvy local drivers teamed up with police to hunt his ass down and kill him.

Okay, that last part is just wishful thinking on my part. You can open your eyes now.

The asshole you are looking at is Maurice Beckwith, 52, of Durham, NC, and he is the King of the Road Douches.

I don’t know what his problem is, maybe a bad case of “Boy Named Sue” syndrome, or a pair of undescended testicles, or a chronic case of Vaginal Silicosis.

Whatever it is, he’s had it for a long time; he has “driving while license revoked” convictions as far back as January of 2003, so he’s definitely an OG Road Douche.…

APPLE VALLEY, MN – A Minnesota teen has been accused of tossing an 8-year-old boy from the top of a water slide because he was angry about the long line.

The incident happened Tuesday afternoon at the Apple Valley Aquatic Center as people were waiting their turn to go down a water slide.

One of those in line, 18-year-old Roman Adams, was not happy with how long it was taking to go down the slide.

Reportedly mentally challenged and at the park with an aid, Adams took out his frustration on an 8-year-old boy in front of him.

According to police, Adams picked the boy up and heaved his ass over a railing and to the concrete 30-feet below.

The boy ended up at the hospital in serious condition with numerous fractures to both his feet, a broken femur in one leg and shattered bones in a shoulder.

Adams reportedly knew what he did was wrong and admitted he tossed the boy, who he did not know, because he was angry about the long line.…

RALEIGH, NC – An elderly North Carolina man drove his car through the front of a Verizon store because his phone was not working and the store was closed.

Everybody hates their cellphone carrier. High rates for inferior products, shitty customer service, and reception that fails when you need it most.

Worst of all, those inconvenient phone store hours.

Combine the latter with the crankiest senior citizen since Vicki Lawrence’s ‘Mama’ and you’re bound to have a mess.

Just ask the staff at the Verizon store in the North Hills shopping center in Raleigh, NC. They found out the hard way that one ignores irate, irrational phone-deprived old men at one’s own peril.

On July 26th, 74-year-old Charles Michael Hager’s phone wasn’t working, and neither were the six staff members in the store, it being a bit after the store’s 8 PM closing time.

Most of us would just curse volubly and stalk away, but one look at the sheer unfettered determination on the face in the accompanying mugshot and you know this isn’t a guy that’s gonna take ‘no’ for an answer.…

CHANDLER, AZ – A man in Arizona has been arrested after he allegedly slit his 89-year-old grandmother’s throat because he was tired of caring for her.

Early Sunday morning, 30-year-old Brandon Smith called 911 to report his grandmother was not breathing and looked like she had been beaten up.

When officers arrived at the apartment Smith shared with his grandmother, they found 89-year-old Helen Smith stabbed to death inside a bathroom.

Brandon had already left the scene before police arrived but was taken into custody shortly afterward. According to police (and his booking photo), Brandon was under the influence of drugs and\or alcohol.

Police say Brandon told them that he was frustrated that he was the only one in the family taking care of his grandmother, who suffered from dementia.

That morning, Helen had urinated on herself so Brandon took her to the bathroom for a shower. Agravated, Brandon slapped his grandmother so hard she fell unconscious in the tub.

Not wanting his grandmother to live like this anymore, Brandon told police he decided to end her suffering.…

LAS VEGAS, NV – Forget the WWE, forget MMA… if you want to see no-rules, no-hold-barred brutality, you don’t have to go further than the nearest Mickey D’s.

The customer isn’t always right. Sometimes you have to put them in their place. Sometimes you have to beat the shit out of them. At least that’s the operant management theory at this particular restaurant.

It all starts routinely enough: people are gorging themselves on McFoodProduct that is slowly killing them, disaffected employees are waiting for the school bell to ring, and a not-very-smart, too-cheap-for-her-own-good bit of fluff, Sabrinah Fontelar (pictured), is trying to pull the old “I just want a water cup so I can fill it with soda” routine.

The manager, Erika Chavolla, is wise to that old schtick, and shuts her down quick via the brilliant tactic of turning the soda machine right the hell off. That’s when the sparks start to fly, and that’s when our video starts.

Buffy Von Short-Shorts’ response is to go into a rage, hurling invectives, abuse, a McFry, and finally a McShake at the counter dwellers.…

THAILAND – A man in Thailand confessed to cutting off his employee’s penis then throwing the detached member to his pet dogs to eat.

According to reports, 39-year-old Suwit Tipjantha was drinking at the home of his employer, 50-year-old Permsak Petprasert.

When they ran out of alcohol, Permsak and another man left to buy more while leaving Suwit at the home with Permsak’s wife, who was sleeping in another room.

When Permsak returned home, he was greeted by his frantic wife running out of the house claiming that while they were gone Suwit had come into her room and began stroking her arm.

“Me and another friend came back and my wife was screaming,” Permsak said. “She ran to me and said that Suwit had went into the room while she was sleeping and touched her.”

When Permsak went inside his home he witnessed Suwit coming out of his wife’s room wearing only his shorts.

Furious, Permsak attacked Suwit with a hammer rendering him unconscious. This is probably a good thing for Suwit because of what Permsak did next.…

CONROE, TX – Police have arrested a woman they say bit off and swallowed a portion of her neighbor’s nose.

The victim, Tatianna, said last week she went out drinking with her neighbor and 41-year-old Jessica Collins.

Tatianna said Collins was staying with her neighbor temporarily and that she had never met the woman until that day.

After enjoying an evening of drinking at a local bar, the trio returned to Tatianna’s home. Collins wasn’t ready to call it a night and demanded more alcohol and cigarettes.

When Tatianna refused and asked the two women to leave, Collins reportedly attacked Tatianna like a rabid animal. She allegedly pounced on top of her and bit off a substantial portion of Tatianna’s nose.

Collins must have been a tad bit hungry too because she decided to swallow it.

Tatianna said that she did not have time to react, and all she could remember was the taste of blood in her mouth. She did not realize most of her nose was missing until she was on the way to the hospital.…


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