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SELMA, NC – A woman is facing animal cruelty charges after she drank a potentially lethal amount of alcohol before getting behind the wheel of her vehicle.

The not-so-nice lady with the “rode hard and put away wet” look is Gloria Denise Mitchell, and, believe it or not, she is only 45.

How do you get that rough-looking in just 45 years? Techniques vary from harridan to harridan; Gloria’s time-tested technique is alcohol, and lots of it.

She exceeded even her own usual excess on the evening of July 5th at an upper-crust lodging facility known as the Knights Inn (please keep your sexual innuendos to yourselves).

It was there she swilled enough booze to clock in at an impressive 0.347% BAC, just one one-hundredth of a percentage point away from .357, which is the exact diameter of the high-powered pistol bullet that she probably deserves.

After impressing her fellow sophisticates with her alcoholic acumen, she decided to show off her similarly sharp driving skills by driving her pickup truck across the Knights Inn’s parking lot in reverse like a Heimlich-launched wad of gristly, overcooked meat from the throat of a choking, whore-spawned degenerate.…

DALLAS, TX – A woman in Texas has been accused of fatally shooting her husband because he was beating the family cat.

Police were called to a home on Saturday morning where 47-year-old Mary Harrison had just shot her husband, 49-year-old Dexter Harrison.

When questioned by detectives Harrison told them she shot her husband because he was beating on the family cat.

The man was taken to the hospital but he would die from his injuries.

Harrison was arrested on a murder charge and booked into the Lew Sterrett Justice Center. She is being held on $100,000 bail.

According to neighbors, the family moved into the home a few months ago with their two teenage sons. They mostly kept to themselves, but when the family cat went missing Harrison was seen posting missing fliers in the neighborhood.

“A man got shot over a cat? It’s kind of crazy. It’s unbelievable. A man loses his life over a cat. I mean, people love their pets, but it ain’t that serious… to die for a cat,” said neighbor Carl Phillips.…

HARRAH, OK – A father has been accused of shooting his teenage daughter’s two dogs to death as punishment for her not doing the dishes.

According to reports, 35-year-old Jeffrey Don Edwards got mad at his 17-year-old daughter Tuesday night because she had not washed the dishes or cleaned the house.

After Edwards began throwing dishes, the teen called her mother and asked to be picked up. When the teen returned to Edwards’ home the next day she found blood all over the house.

She would also realize her two dogs, Jessica Dawn and Duck, were missing. When she asked her uncle about the blood and her missing dogs, he told her that her dad shot her dogs to punish her.

Investigators would follow tire tracks that led from the house into the woods and found the bodies of the two dogs about 100 yards from the home.

Edwards was arrested that night and charged with animal cruelty. He was released on Thursday after posting $10,000 bail. He has denied shooting the dogs, claiming he was at work at the time.…

HOUSTON, MO – Two teens have been accused of intentionally killing a puppy by throwing it off an unused fire watch tower.

Police were initially contacted by a woman who said an unnamed juvenile was bragging to other students at Houston High School about he and 17-year-old Taylor DeWolfe throwing a puppy to its death.

When police questioned DeWolfe, he admitted that he and the other boy had driven to the Highway 38 fire lookout tower with the sole purpose of killing the puppy.

After climbing to the highest platform on the tower, DeWolfe said the other boy took the puppy and tossed it to the ground 100 feet below.

When they climbed back down, DeWolfe said the other boy picked up the dog’s corpse and threw it in a ditch.

DeWolfe went on to say that the juvenile later told him he had told people at school what they had done and maybe they should move the puppy’s body.

So DeWolfe went back to the scene to get the puppy’s corpse, put it in the trunk of his car and then left it on the side of Highway Z.…

BRANSON, MO – Two dipshits in Missouri got maximum prison sentences after they posted a video on Facebook of them dragging a kitten behind a Jeep before killing it with a rock.

Last June, 18-year-old Kyle Williams and 19-year-old Jordan Hall posted a video to a private Facebook group that showed them killing the kitten to get people to buy them a pizza.

The post included Williams posing next to the kitten that had an eyeball popping out of its head. The attached caption read: “Try to guess how I killed my cat, bet you can’t.”

In the video, posted by Williams, the cat was seen being tossed and turned as it was dragged behind a Jeep being driven by Hall.

The cat was dragged for around five minutes, with the Jeep stopping twice to check the cat. One person in the Jeep can be heard yelling: “Keep going. Don’t stop. He’s almost dead.”

When they finally stopped for good and found the kitten was not dead, Williams killed the animal with a rock.…

BALTIMORE, MD — A man has was sentenced to three years in prison after being convicted of tying a cinder block to his girlfriend’s dog before tossing him into a reservoir.

In February of last year, a pit bull mix named Roscoe was found dead in the Liberty Reservoir tied to a cinder block. The dog had been microchipped, so investigators quickly identified the woman who owned the dog.

After talking with the woman, it was determined that her boyfriend, Anthony “Tony” Muniz, was responsible for the dog’s death and he was charged with aggravated animal cruelty.

According to prosecutors, Muiz stole the dog from his girlfriend and took it to a rescue group claiming that it was a stray, then re-adopted Roscoe as his own.

Of course, he had no intention of keeping the animal since he ended up tying a cinder block to the dog before chucking him into the water. Why would he do this? According to prosecutors, it was to send a message to his girlfriend.…

MIAMI, FL – A man is facing animal cruelty charges after he killed his mother’s pets after his parents refused to let him have $50, say police.

Last Thursday, 28-year-old Jimmy Cardona threatened his mother over the phone and sent a text to his father demanding the money “or something bad was going to happen.”

His father ignored the message and, as a result for not giving him the money he wanted, Cardona proved his threat was not groundless.

After leaving the home and returning hours later, Cardona’s mother found her pet chicken cut into pieces and strewn all over her bed. In the backyard she found the lifeless body of her Pomeranian.

Police were called and once at the residence, Cardona’s father showed them a video his son had sent that showed the dead chicken scattered on the bed. The Pomeranian was alive when the video was recorded.

When police caught up with Cardona, he denied killing the animals and claimed his mother had killed the chicken herself for religious purposes.…

FAYETTEVILLE, NC – The Army veteran who filmed herself tying her service dog a tree before she and her boyfriend shot it to death has committed suicide.

For those of you who may have missed the original story, 23-year-old Marinna Rollins got herself into a bit of trouble last month when she decided to get rid of her service dog.

Rollins had adopted the dog from her estranged husband because he was being deployed to South Korea for a year. Rollins renamed the gray-and-white male pit bull Camboui while also having him certified as her emotional support dog.

Rollins received a medical retirement from the Army in January and her family and friends say she struggled with PTSD and was diagnosed with additional mental health issues.

However, Rollins would soon tell a friend that raising “Cam” was too expensive and would post a message on Facebook that made it seem as if she was re-homing the dog.

“Great last day with the pooch!” she posted. “Sad he has to go, but he will be much happier where he is heading off to :)”

Turns out, Camboui was headed out in the dark woods with Rollins and her boyfriend, 25-year-old Jarren Heng.…

PORTLAND, OR – Police have arrested a man accused of sexually abusing a chicken.

According to police, 27-year-old Joshua Woltman touched a chicken’s sex organs to get aroused, and also exposed himself in public.

Woltman is in jail on $25,000 bail, facing charges of sexual assault of an animal, public indecency, menacing and 2nd-degree disorderly conduct.

He’s also facing charges for violating the terms of his probation for possession of meth.

I couldn’t find anymore details on this incident, but he does have another court date on May 15th so maybe more details will be released then.

I’m not 100 percent positive, but I think this article means we have covered the sexual assault of almost every kind of domesticated animal or livestock known to man – chickens, cats, dogs, goats, donkeys, cows, horses – it never ends.…

PONCE INLET, FL – A man has been arrested after he beat his 9-month-old Labrador retriever to death because the dog made a mess in his house while he was at work.

Police responded to the home of 43-year-old Travis Archer after a neighbor called just before midnight Saturday to report hearing him beating the crap out of his dog.

When officers arrived, they could hear what sounded like Archer punching his 9-month-old puppy. Archer told them he was just discipling the dog for tearing up his house while he was at work.

When police went inside the home, they found torn papers and and CD cases on the ground and a large hole in the drywall where Archer allegedly threw the puppy.

When they went out to the backyard, they found Ponce lying on its side with its head resting against a fence. The dog appeared to have been gagged, say police, and he was bleeding severely from its mouth.

Officers said they also found blood stains all over the fence next to the dog’s body and a bloody knot rope.…

CHARLESTON, SC – The 43-year-old man who wrapped electrical tape around his dog’s muzzle to stop her from barking has been sentenced to five years in prison.

William Dodson, 43, pleaded guilty to animal cruelty charges after he chained his 15-month-old Staffordshire bull terrier outside before wrapping her muzzle nine times with electrical tape.

The dog “Caitlyn” escaped and was found later in critical condition as the tape had cut off blood flow to her tongue. It took veterinarians at the Animal Society 36 hours to unravel the tape. Caitlyn survived but required multiple surgeries and lost part of her tongue.

According to Charleston Animal Society CEO Joe Elmore, Caitlyn is now living with a new family and thriving, but continued to suffer from anxiety and stress.

Dodson received five years in prison for what he did to his dog – the state’s maximum for animal cruelty. “I wish I could give you more,” said Judge Markley Dennis.

This sentence was handed down a day after Dodson was sentenced to 15 years in prison for a gun charge he got in a 2015 traffic stop.…

Queens, NY — Yuk Cheung, 35, has been charged with animal cruelty after allegedly tossing a 12-year-old pug off a seventh-floor balcony.

Yuk and his ex-girlfriend were apparently arguing about who would care for the dog after their recent breakup. It sounds to me as if Yuk was hoping to find a place to live where dogs were permitted.

The fight escalated, however, and the pup, Yoda, paid dearly.

At some point during the argument, Yuk grabbed Yoda and exclaimed, “(You) would not have to worry about the dog anymore,” and disappeared.

Moments later, Yuk reentered the apartment empty handed. When the ex asked about the missing canine, Yuk reportedly told her Yoda slipped and fell off the balcony.

When questioned by police four days later, Yuk told investigators that he tripped while walking out onto the balcony and the dog “left his hands.”

His story changed once more — while he was on the balcony, he said, the dog jumped out of his arms and somehow managed to get through the railing and fall 70 feet to her death.…


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