About Jaded

Title: BaddBunnee
Published Articles: 2058
Website: The Dreamin' Demon

Bacon. That is all.

adco-master675Decatur, IL — A 23-year-old man is being held on a charge of attempted murder after allegedly choking the shit out of his roommate for eating his cookies.

The alleged victim in this cookie caper, an unidentified 49-year-old woman, told police she believed her  roommate, Allen Hall, was joking when he threatened to kill her for eating three of his Chips Ahoy! cookies for breakfast.

The woman told police she was getting dressed in the bathroom Wednesday morning, when Hall started pounding on the bathroom, making death threats and stuff.

She opened the door, she said, and exclaimed, “If you’re going to kill me, then go ahead!”

Probably not the smartest thing to say to an apparently unhinged, cookie-less motherfucker first thing in the morning, ya know.

According to the victim, Hall wrapped his hands around her throat and threw her into the tub, causing her to hit the back of her head on the tile. He then reportedly climbed on top of her and proceeded to choke her until she found it difficult to speak or breathe.…

Tatanysha HedmanRenton, WA — A woman accused of setting her husband on fire after learning he may have molested her 7-year-old daughter, reportedly told police she chose fire because shooting him was “too nice.”

According to police, Tatanysha Hedman set fire to 52-year-old Vincent Phillips with gasoline and a flick of her Bic, as he lay sleeping in their bed on July 17.

Phillips managed to extinguish the flames before driving to a nearby convenience store, where he screamed “I’m on fire!” Which, by that time, he was not. Oops, credibility GONE.

Store employees called for medical assistance, and when police arrived on scene, Phillips reportedly said, “My wife did it,” before passing out.

When questioned by police, Hedman, 40, admitted setting her husband on fire. She claimed he hurt his stepdaughter, and well, shooting him was just too nice.

She’s being held on charges of arson and assault — bail has been set at $500,000.

Phillips is currently recovering at Harborview Medical Center. No word on the extent of his injuries. …

Raymond FrolanderDaytona Beach, FL — Police say a Florida father beat the everloving shit out of an 18-year-old man after he caught him sexually abusing his 11-year-old son.

According to police, Raymond Frolander, a trusted family friend, was caring for the boy Friday evening. Dad left the house to grab something to eat at about 1:00 a.m. Upon his return, he said, he heard a strange noise coming from the bedroom. When he walked into the room, he found Frolander, pants at his ankles, performing a sex act on the young boy.

And then, it was all about fists and feet and blood and bruises and pain.

“I just walked in on a grown man molesting [name redacted],” the unidentified 35-year-old man told a dispatcher. “And I got him in a bloody puddle for you officer.”

When asked by the dispatcher if any weapons were involved, the father said “my fist and my foot.”

“I didn’t proceed to ask him any questions sir,” the father said. “He is nice and knocked out on the floor for you.…

No teefsLakewood, WA — A 52-year-old man was arrested Sunday after angrily gumming his roommate’s arm because she refused to clean his ear.

Kenneth Chambers and his roommate were apparently involved in some sort of strange altercation that stemmed from her refusal to clean his ear. One thing led to another, and Chambers ended up ripping the woman’s bedroom door off its hinges.

The alleged victim told police that at that point, she sat on Chambers’ lap and tried to talk to him, but he refused to be placated and pushed her to the floor. He then gummed her wrist. And then, well, he choked her a little bit and poured water all over her, damaging her hearing aid. When she stated she was going to call 911, Chambers threatened to kill her, she said.

When questioned by police, Chambers claimed the woman hit him… he was only trying to defend himself. He did admit to gumming her, but said it couldn’t have hurt because he doesn’t have any teeth.

Chambers was arrested after a witness confirmed the victim’s account of the story.…

Carmine CervellinoThomaston, CT — Carmine Cervellino, 49, was arrested last week after his wife told police he stabbed a watermelon in a manner she perceived as “threatening.”

It all started on July 4, when Cervellino’s wife contacted police after finding a toolbox in their home with marijuana and an assortment of pills hidden inside. She told police she snatched the drugs and took photos of the items with her cell phone before stashing them in her bedroom.

When police arrived at the couple’s home, the toolbox and the alleged drug stash were nowhere to be found. The woman’s pictures weren’t going to be enough to make a case, so no arrest was made.

Later that day, the woman claims, she returned home to find a watermelon on the kitchen counter with a butcher knife sticking out of it. Just moments later, she said, her husband walked into the kitchen and, without saying a word, began carving the melon in what she called a passive-aggressive and menacing manner. She whipped out her cell phone again and took pictures of the knife, which she later showed to police.…

Lessa IannoneRock Hill, SC — A 34-year-old woman has been jailed after she allegedly swiped two pairs of underwear from a Dollar General store before making her getaway in an ice cream truck.

Surveillance video shows Lessa Iannone stuffing the undies in her purse Thursday afternoon, and walking out of the store without paying for them. She was seen making her escape in an ice cream truck.

One of the officers dispatched to the store was apparently familiar with the sticky fingered panty bandit, and she was quickly apprehended.

This is not her first rodeo…. she was busted for shoplifting back in March.

Iannone was charged with shoplifting and ordered held on a $2,000 bond.

Not gonna lie… I was hoping she had stolen the ice cream truck after lifting the frillies. Had my fingers crossed and everything. Kinda bummed me out to learn she actually operates the thing for a living. And a hard living, too, I’m guessing, if one can’t afford to shell out a couple of bucks for unattractive undies.…

Steven NoskaSpringfield, MA — A 26-year-old Taco Bell employee has been charged with multiple counts of assault and battery after allegedly shooting an angry customer with a BB gun.

Responding to a call of a possible hold-up early Saturday morning, officers arrived on scene to find the alleged victim banging on the front door of the establishment.

The unidentified 26-year-old man reportedly told officers that he had gone through the drive-thru to order some tacos, but grew angry after the employees refused to acknowledge him. He stated that he banged on the window and began yelling for service, but no one responded. Now hungry and angry, the man parked his car and approached the restaurant to complain about the shitty service. Police say the man was met at the locked front door by Steven Noska.

The victim told police Noska shoved him, then walked to his car and retrieved a BB gun. The man went on to say that Noska shot him several times and hit him with the gun before walking back into the restaurant.…

Victor ManzanaresSan Jose, CA — Victor Manzanares, 39, is facing multiple charges after allegedly entering a family’s home and inappropriately touching their two young daughters before attempting to burn their house down.

Officers responded to the home Monday, after receiving several reports of a naked man running rampant through the neighborhood.

While cops were combing the neighborhood, a butt nekkid Manzanares reportedly entered the home through an unlocked door. Once inside, police say, he walked into the bedroom of a 10-year-old girl and got all touchy-feely.

“He came into my room… he kissed my cheek, I thought it was my dad, and then he lied next to my bed and tried to touch my bum,” the girl said.

Not sure what caused Manzaneres to exit the room, but he soon wandered into the living room where a 12-year-old girl was napping.

“I was on the couch taking a nap,” the girl said. “I was in deep sleep when the man licked my face and I freaked out.”

The two girls rounded up their little brother and beat feet out of the house. …

James WertzBoynton Beach, FL — This pudgy bitch was arrested for allegedly throwing his girlfriend across a room and violently attacking her pet rabbit after the woman ended their relationship.

It all started with an argument about women’s rights….

Police say that mid-argument, the victim retreated to her bedroom in an attempt to end the fighting. The alleged douchebag, 28-year-old James Wertz, continued to scream and whine, so the woman told him it was over.

A short time later, police say, the woman heard a high pitched screaming coming from the living room. She told police she walked out to find Wertz squeezing and punching her rabbit. He was hitting it so hard, she said, blood was pouring from its face. And that’s about the time I would’ve rearranged his stupid fucking Mr. Potato Head face…

She intervened, pushing Wertz away. When he tried to apologize, she said, she kicked him and reached for the phone to call 911. Wertz responded by throwing her across the room and storming out of the apartment.…

Elizabeth HighleyPort St Lucie, FL — A 56-year-old woman has been charged with assault after allegedly threatening a much younger man with a knife and a cane because he refused to give her the D.

Elizabeth Highley apparently lured the alleged victim, 25-year-old Crue Finleyinto her lair with the promise of an alcoholic beverage or three on the evening of June 16. (Something tells me the beverage in question was of the boxed variety because CLASS). Once she had him all comfy and cozy, she made her move.

Much to her chagrin, dude bolted. Quick like.

According to the police report, an officer parked nearby reported seeing Finley hauling ass down the street, yelling something about being chased by a woman with a knife. And right behind him, Highley — carrying a long silver knife and a broken wooden cane.

Finley reportedly made it clear to the officer that he and Highley were so not a couple. He claimed that once he denied Highley’s sexual advances, she got a little violent.…

Willie JohnsonPortland, OR — A registered sex offender was taken into police custody last week after allegedly sexually assaulting his grandmother and his uncle.

The investigation started Tuesday evening, after officers were called to a North Portland home on a report of a sexual assault.

Police learned that the alleged rapist, later identified as 34-year-old Willie Johnson, sexually assaulted his 82-year-old grandmother and his 49-year-old uncle, before fleeing the home.

Johnson managed to evade police and a K9 unit for a few hours, but was picked up at a McDonald’s Wednesday morning.

After an overnight stay at the hospital for some bullshit medical drama, Johnson was booked into the Multnomah County Jail. He is now facing charges of first-degree attempted rape, first-degree unlawful sexual penetration, two counts of first-degree sex abuse, first-degree kidnapping and fourth-degree assault. His sex offender status apparently stems from a first-degree rape conviction.

Grandma was treated at the hospital and released, and both she and the uncle are said to be doing fine. Physically, anyway.…

Lasasha AllenWinnsboro, LA — A 20-month-old girl was seriously injured Sunday after being tossed from a moving vehicle because her malfunctioning incubator needed some attention from the child’s father.

The incubator in question, 23-year-old Lasasha Allen, sent a text to the child’s father Saturday, claiming that the child had fallen out of a car window and was injured. She did this, she told police, to get a reaction from the child’s father.

The baby’s father apparently neglected to respond to the text, and because Allen doesn’t want anyone thinking she’s a liar or anything, she had to rough up that baby a bit. She loaded up the baby and another child, aged 7, and went for a drive.

Police say Allen drove to some rural location with a lot of curves, and once she hit about 45 mph, opened the passenger door and pushed the baby out. Then, for whatever reason, she just kinda waited at the scene for a bit before finally taking the child to the hospital.

Allen later told police that her intent was to inflict minor damage so that she would not be caught in a lie.…


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