About Jaded

Title: BaddBunnee
Published Articles: 2058
Website: The Dreamin' Demon

Bacon. That is all.

Donald WaeldePhoenix, AZ — Donald Waelde, 22, was charged Tuesday with conspiracy to commit bestiality after allegedly placing an ad in the Missed Connections section that expressed her desire to “play with” a male horse.

The ad, which can be seen by clicking right here, was apparently posted on April 8, and said the following:

“I am 22 years old and I want to play with a male horse. Simple as that. If you have access to a male horse, then contact me please ;)I will do something in return.”

Waelde was even kind enough to include a picture. You know, in case the horse was, like, picky or something.

According to a police, a person who had a “genuine” interest in horses spotted the ad and contacted police. This, of course, led to a sting.

Undercover deputies contacted Waelde, and after conversing for a bit, learned that Waelde wished to blow a male horse. Deputies soon agreed to meet with Waelde, and showed up on the appointed day with a horse borrowed from the MCSO’s Mounted Posse.…

Sandra SuarezPinellas Park, FL — In a video recently posted to LiveLeak, a 41-year-old woman, clad in nothing but a thong, is seen rampaging through a Pinellas County McDonald’s, breaking and throwing shit before eating ice cream straight out of the machine.

According to the fine folks over at WFTS, Susan Suarez walked into the McDonald’s at about 7:00 the evening of March 24th and offered one of the employees oral sex. When the employee refused, Suarez apparently started smashing, ultimately causing more than $10,000 in damage.

In the video, which has since gone viral, Suarez is seen banging her dome on the counter, pushing registers to the floor, throwing food and other items, toppling drink dispensers and repeatedly opening and closing a refrigerator door. The pièce de résistance, though? Sucking ice cream right out of the machine. And ice cream apparently soothes even the most savage of beasts because Suarez cooled her shit right then.

Well, kinda. Police say she put up a bit of a fight while they were trying to detain her, kicking, licking and attempting to kiss the arresting officers.…

Chamangeni ZuluZambia — I normally wouldn’t post anything from Zambia because, face it, they do some weird ass shit over there — kinda like Florida, but without all the face eating. Anyways, because it’s a slow news day and it’s been a slow couple of weeks, I figured I’d give it a go. And, well, because GENITALS.

A man in Chipata is missing three toes and all of his cock-n-balls after apparently allowing a hyena to snack on him. Why would he allow such a thing, you ask? Because a witch doctor told him that sacrificing body parts was the best(?) way to get rich.

“I came from Malawi and when I arrived in Chipata I met some business persons who told me that the best way to become rich was to sacrifice parts of my body,” said Chamangeni Zulu. “I went to a bush where I was instructed to be naked and a hyena came to me and started eating my toes and eventually my manhood was eaten.”

After making his deposit, Zulu crawled to a road where he was picked up by passing police officers.…

Roger SmithPerry Twp, OH — A 70-year-old man is facing numerous charges after shooting his 21-year-old neighbor for shits and giggles, apparently.

From what police are saying, Roger Smith walked out of his home Sunday afternoon and popped a cap in that dad-blasted whippersnapper’s ass from across the street.

We did not see any provocation by the victim,” said Perry Township Police Chief Michael Pomesky. “There was no interaction between the two. The victim was going about his own routine.”

There were prior reports of some bad blood between Smith and someone else that lived in the home, but the victim was not a part of those disputes.

Smith has been charged with felonious assault, discharging a firearm on or near prohibited premises, and improperly discharging a firearm at or into a habitation. Bond was set at $500,000.

No word on the condition of the victim.…

watMinneapolis, MN — After shooting his son to death during an argument about cable television, an 84-year-old man reportedly told police he wasn’t about to settle the matter in some foolish courthouse — nope, he was gonna settle that argument once in for all in the afterlife.

According to police, Pang Se Vang was upset that his son, 36-year-old Chue Vang, refused to have cable television installed in the home they shared. Chue basically told his father that if he didn’t like it, he could move the fuck out. My house, my rules kinda thing….

Anyway, instead of moving out, Pops apparently armed himself with a shotgun and put a new hole in Chue’s chest Monday evening. Another shot was fired when Pang’s eldest son disarmed him, but there were no other injuries.

Left without a gun, Pang locked himself in his room. When police arrived on scene, Pang made it very clear that he was armed with knives. When officers requested that he exit the room with his hands up, Pang responded that he couldn’t, he had stabbed himself in the chest.…

Veronica DiazPhoenix, AZ — A couple of shitstains out in Phoenix were arrested this week for allegedly neglecting and/or refusing to feed their 9-month-old son. Kid tipped the scales at a whoppin’ 7 pounds during a recent medical exam.

On March 19, when the child was seen by medical staff, his father, 32-year-old Ryan Morris, reportedly told police he had not been fed since the beginning of March.

Mom, 27-year-old Veronica Diaz, reportedly told police she ran out of formula on March 12, and had been giving the child one bottle of water during the day and a little bit of regular milk before bed up until the 19th.

When asked why she didn’t feed the child, Diaz first responded with “I don’t know.” At which point I would have lunged across the table and pummeled her stupid face. She then claimed that she had no money. And, dammit, she had four other kids that had to be fed and taken care of, so she just kinda “gave up” on the littlest one.…

Cameo CrispiNaples, UT — A 31-year-old woman has been arrested after allegedly attempting to burn down her ex-boyfriend’s home by intentionally leaving a pound of bacon burning on a gas stove.

GUILTY! OFF WITH HER HEAD!

It all started when Cameo Crispi’s ex called police on March 14 to complain that he had received numerous texts and phone calls from her within the range of one hour, and he really wanted her to knock it the fuck off already. He also told police he didn’t want Crispi at his home. Crispi. Heh.

An officer was dispatched to the man’s home and found smoke pouring out the front door. Inside, an “impaired” Crispi.

When the officer stepped inside the man’s home, he noticed a wood stove left open with a fire burning inside and hot coals on the floor around the stove. And on the kitchen stove, claimed the officer, there was a cookie sheet with about a pound of bacon on it. Now, bear with me, people….. this part of the story is extremely difficult for me.…

FIREJacksonville, FL — According to witnesses, a woman torched a man’s car after he refused to buy her a McFlurry early Sunday morning. No word on what flavor the pouty bitch wanted…

“They were going at it,” Sabryna Maré said of the couple who was standing behind her in line. “She was saying she wanted this and wanted that, and she wanted either a McFlurry or an ice cream on top and he was not in for it. Then he was yelling at her saying he’s not going to do it.”

And then, well….

Witnesses claim hearing the identified woman tell the unidentified man that she was going to “blow it up.” She grabbed the keys to the man’s 1994 El Dorado and ran outside. Armed with alcohol and gasoline, though no one really knows where she got it, the woman started pouring. Then, the match… because she apparently didn’t have what it takes to cut the man’s dick off.

Witnesses attempted to help the man put the flames out, but the car was “engulfed” by the time firefighters arrived.…

Maura FussellReston, VA — An inebriated 26-year-old woman was arrested Saturday evening after allegedly showing up at the Arlington Magistrate’s Office in her birthday suit, hoping to see her recently incarcerated hubby.

It is unclear as to whether Maura Fussell had been clothed at some point before entering the building, or whether she arrived all nekkid. Either way, she was bare. And drunk.

Officers apparently gave her many opportunities to put some damn clothes on, or at least take a cab home, but Fussell reportedly refused.

That refusal earned her an overnight stay at the old Graybar Hotel. She’s been charged with indecent exposure and drunk in public. I’m assuming they released her after she sobered up a bit.

No word on what landed hubby in the slammer.…

Alleged toe suckerLincolnton, NC — Ladies! And guys with pretty feet, maybe. If the dude in the picture to the left approaches you as you stroll through the shoe aisle at Walmart and feeds you some line, like, “Hey, I’m a future podriatist! Can I have a peek at your piggies?” Just. Say. No. Chances are, he’s not a real podiatrist. *gasp* Those gynecology students that you run into at the Taco Bell, though? Totally legit.

This creep apparently struck up the “I’m studying podiatry” conversation with a woman inside the Linconlton Walmart Monday, and somehow convinced her to try on several pairs of shoes. As she was doing so, police say, the man got the woman’s foot to his mouth and began sucking on her toes. Without even wiping them down with a Handi Wipe or something. He fled the store after the woman yanked her foot from his grasp.

Police soon learned the man had attempted another toe sucking at a nearby Walmart just a short time before this alleged incident.…

Ronald HendersonMemphis, TN — After brazenly following a woman into the women’s room at a McDonald’s restaurant Thursday, and attempting to reach out and grab her from under the stall door, this tubby skeeve could do little more than grunt and wiggle after getting himself stuck between the bottom of the door and the nasty floor.

The alleged victim told police she was using the toilet when Ronald Henderson’s derpy face appeared under the door. She screamed at him to get out, she said, but he kept coming… trying to grab her leg. At some point during this creepy fucking scene, Henderson got stuck. It was then that the victim made her escape.

No details about how or when Henderson managed to free himself from under the door, or if he was still there when police arrived, but after the victim positively identified him at the scene, Henderson was transported to jail. He’s been charged with assault and observation without consent. Bond was set at $100.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder if the police got the right man.…

Lisa Jones-OrockNew Castle, PA — Lisa Jones-Orock, 39, was arrested Friday after allegedly attempting to remove her husband’s penis with a box cutter.

When authorities responded to the couple’s home, Lisa insisted that her husband, 56-year-old Gerald Orock, was the aggressor in the physical confrontation. Accused of attacking her with a knife, Mr. Orock was placed under arrest.

Once at the cop shop, though, police learned that while Mr. Orock wasn’t exactly a saint, he was the victim in this particular case. Police say he had cuts to his arms and hands that appeared to be defensive wounds. His jeans had been cut near the crotch area and there wera a few cuts on his legs. Kinda backed his claims that Lisa was the crazy one — she’d tried to slice his dick off.

Lisa was taken into custody and charged with aggravated assault, simple assault and harassment. And because a small bag of pot was found in her purse, possession of marijuana. She also had an outstanding bench warrant for DUI,

Gerald was kept behind bars for possession of marijuana and for violating a protection from abuse order his wife had previously taken out.…


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