TACOMA, WA – A couple in Washington have been accused of killing a man so they could live in his home.

Meth leads to some strange problem-solving strategies.

Like when Jeremy and Lorena Shaw needed a new place to live. Shaw just picked out a nice house and killed Homeowner Dude, then moved right in.

Problem solved.

Authorities allege that Shaw used a sham petition as an excuse to case Steven Morphis’ secluded seven-acre property, and to obtain a copy of his signature.

On September 19th, Shaw returned and subdued Morphis by pepper-spraying him, then bludgeoned him repeatedly and cut his throat. After hiding the body, he brought his beloved wife Lorena to their “new home,” warning her not to go into the shed.

And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t’ve been for those damned handymen.

As is usual when the ingestion of lots of meth is involved, things went a bit awry for the couple on the evening of September 20th, when two handymen found Morphis’ body in a shed, bound hand and foot and wrapped in a tarp and a comforter.

A subsequent police review of cell-tower data showed that, on the morning of the 20th, Morphis’ cellphone traveled to “the area of the Shaws’ Tacoma residence,” where it remained all day until it returned to the area around Morphis’ property that evening. It stopped pinging towers that night about midnight.

The body was found at 7:15 PM. The cellphone pinged near Morphis’ property at 7:40 PM. Police were already on the scene. Someone got lucky that night.

Early on the 21st, an attempt was made to transfer $4100 of Morphis’ money, via his debit card, to Aryan Enterprises, a roofing company owned by Jeremy Shaw. The attempt failed.

Two hours later, Morphis’ burned-out car was found in a parking lot.

The botched money transfer and the cellphone data pointed investigators right to Shaw, who has a slew of drug and theft-related convictions dating back fifteen years, including a seven-year term for burglary and open charges of forgery, drug possession, and unlawful possession of a firearm.

A search of Shaw’s legal domicile yielded the shredded remnants of Morphis’ bank card and driver’s license, as well as property taken from his residence.

On September 26th, Jeremy Shaw was charged with first-degree murder, arson and burglary, and Lorena Shaw was charged with first-degree rendering criminal assistance, arson and burglary. Bail amounts were set at $1,000,000 and $100,000, respectively.

Seven days is all it took for his new pipe-dream life to spiral into the biggest charges of his checkered career. And the way his wife is singing, he’s never gonna get out of this mess.

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