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PARKERSBURG, WV – A West Virginia mother added to the long list of ineffective, abusive methods of stopping a child from crying when she bleached her baby.

On July 11th, staff at Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Parkersburg, West Virginia notified local police about a 16-month-old male patient with “suspicious injuries.” The child had chemical burns on his face, back and shoulders.

I’ve checked multiple sources, and no one has specified what story the child’s mother told when she brought him to the hospital, but whatever line of bullshit it was, hospital staff weren’t buying it.

Police visited the child’s mother, 27-year-old Sylvia Lynn Eden, at the house where the injuries occurred. As often happens when a child is injured by abuse, Mom blamed Big Sister, age four.

It seems that Big Sister decided to spray Little Brother in the face with bleach while he was napping, for no apparent reason, on July 9th.

Cops weren’t buying what she was selling, either, so they took her in for further questioning at the Parkersburg Police Department. After Mirandizing her dumb ass, and probably wasting a lot of time, they got Eden to ‘fess up.

The “sprayed with bleach” part was true, but it was really Mommy Dearest behind the trigger. Why did she do it? Because the “baby was crying and she was upset.”

Mommy was upset? Boo-fucking-hoo.

She explained why she dropped dime on her little girl, too: “because she would not be able to defend herself and say otherwise.” I’m not positive, but I think that’s a contorted official re-wording of how mentally deficient trailer trash say “Of course I lied; I was unwilling to take responsibility for my own reprehensible actions.”

You can tell how concerned she is about the whole deal from the dramatic eye-roll in her mugshot.

She will have plenty of time to roll those eyes, too, since she’s being held in the North Central Regional Jail with bail set at $200,000. Charges are one count of child abuse resulting in serious bodily injury and one count of child neglect creating serious bodily injury.

I’m guessing the neglect charge is related to the two-day differential between the bleaching and the hospitalization.

Both children have been placed with “other family and or friends,” whatever that means exactly. This being West Virginia, I am not exactly reassured by that grammatical abomination; it’s too vague, and describes circumstances too open to influence by the negative effects of inbreeding and “Hey Buddy”.

I will add that, while many folks have the misconception that bleach is perfectly safe since everyone has it in their home, undiluted bleach is corrosive to both eyes and skin, meaning that it is capable of producing permanent damage.

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