FUQUAY-VARINA, NC – Police serving an eviction order at a home had to call firefighters equipped with hazardous-materials because of the intense smell of shit and piss inside the house.

There’s stink, and then there’s stank.

Stink is “it smells like something died.”

Stank is “it smells like something crawled up in an unwiped ass, took a shit, and died.”

Just ask the poor bastards who had to evict a less-than-fastidious female from her dogshit-defiled domicile in good old Fuquay-Varina, North Carolina.

Police went to remove a 50-year-old tenant from a house on Monday morning and encountered an odor so malevolent and vile that they had to execute a tactical retreat and call for backup.

The small house contained no furniture, but what it lacked in chattel it more than made up for in critters.

Specifically, it contained “14 dogs, eight cats, two rabbits and two ferrets” and enough animal waste to hold the cops at bay indefinitely.

They said “fuck it.”

Firefighters wearing haz-mat gear were required to extract the animals from the house; Wake County Animal Control officers wouldn’t get any closer than the yard. Nor should they have; anywhere there is stank strong enough to wallop you upside the head like a two-by-four, there is enough bacterial contamination to kill an entire neighborhood.

Most disturbing is the fact that police fully expected to find the woman’s parents, both in their eighties, in this suburban shithole, but Mom and Dad were “at an appointment away from the house” and, when located, were taken in charge by Wake County Adult Protective Services. They were later “turned over to another family member.”

The way that reads, this domestic desecrator had her poor dependent parents living in her shit-filled menagerie. Breathing air that folks who have been pepper-sprayed as part of their training could not handle. And sleeping on the floor, apparently.

No charges were filed, and police accordingly declined to identify the woman. They did, however, state that an investigation was ongoing.

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