LEXINGTON COUNTY, SC – Police say the former leader of the South Carolina Republican Party killed his mother’s dog because he is Jesus Christ and God commanded him to.

Meet Todd Kincannon. He’s bat-shit crazy.

He used to be a mover and a shaker. At one point, the 37-year-old South Carolina man was the executive director of the SC Republican Party. Now he’s the reborn son of a vengeful, dog-smiting god.

His downhill slide has been ongoing for a few years. In April of 2015, he was arrested for criminal domestic violence when he got a bit nutty during an altercation with his wife.

Ashley Griffith told authorities that the two began arguing during the car ride home from an unspecified event on March 26th of that year, when a profanity-laced tirade, complete with homicidal threats, caused Griffith to “fear for her life.”

Growing even angrier, Kincannon began to drive erratically at high speed, running red lights and scaring Griffith so badly that she began shouting to other motorists for help and even tried to exit the vehicle while it was moving.

You know things are mighty bad when leaping out of a careening automobile looks like the best alternative.

Five months later, in September 2015, the SC state Supreme Court suspended his license to practice law. They didn’t give a reason for removing Kincannon from the state’s list of legit lawyers, but it doesn’t take a genius to link this boot in the ass to his having gone coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs while piloting a potentially lethal road-missile.

News reports at the time also cite his advocacy of controlling the then-current Ebola outbreak by “humanely [putting] down” victims of the virus. It is not clear if Kincannon’s promotion of this approach was due to his deteriorating mental condition, or if it was just a campaign promise.

What we do know is that Kincannon’s mental state has not improved in the intervening years.

We also know that Griffith bid his crazy ass adieu at some point, as Kincannon would be living at home with his parents when he next made the news.

That was on July 26th of this year, when a frantic call from his mother brought officers with the Simpsonville Police Department to his parents’ Greenville County home. She had locked herself in a bathroom because she had become “absolutely terrified” of Kincannon, and with good reason.

When officers arrived at the residence, Kincannon met them outside, clad only in his skivvies and slathered with blood and dog hair. Not much of a look for the “second coming of Christ,” which Kincannon insisted he was.

Ask any cop: when they roll up on scene and encounter someone covered in blood, they get really curious really fast. These cops didn’t have to wait very long for the reveal.

As Kincannon patiently explained, “every 1,000 years there needs to be a sacrifice and blood must be spilt.”

On Sacrifice Day for this millennium, the chosen victim was Mom’s dog, an elderly beagle/cattle dog mix, which Kincannon duly sacrificed using a combination of strangulation and edged-weapon trauma.

It’s okay though, because – all together now! – God told him to do it.

He does realize that he’s in dutch, though; his dog-bite stigmata is a sign that he is “about to get crucified in the media.” Even a stopped clock is right occasionally.

Kincannon was transported to Greenville Memorial Hospital for a psychiatric evaluation.

Local officials plan to charge Kincannon over the dog’s death, and the SC Attorney General has stated that there will be no bond in this case.


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