Stab stabWilkes Barre, PA — A 47-year-old woman is facing charges after admitting to police that she stabbed her boyfriend because he ate Thanksgiving dinner before he was supposed to.

Jacklyn Blake was apparently sleeping off a few drinks when the boyfriend took it upon himself to dish up. When Blake came to, police say, she went all kinds of batshit crazy — because that’s what holidays and cooking and breathing does to women.

Blake apparently chased the man around the living room with a knife, then stabbed him once in the chest. She then threw the knife at the guy, hitting him just below the eye.

The boyfriend was hospitalized with non-life threatening injuries. We can only hope he learned a lesson from all this… just sit in your chair, watch your game, shut the fuck up, and don’t. touch. anything.

Blake was carted off to the pokey, and has been charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, simple assault, reckless endangerment and making terroristic threats.

Some people live for Black Friday sales the day after Thanksgiving, I live for the stabs.

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