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Kenneth HaskinsTampa, FL — When ordered by management to stop masturbating in front of his neighbors, a 58-year-old man apparently attempted to burn an apartment complex to the ground in protest of their supposed Anti-Wanking laws.

Kenneth Haskins, who suffered an unfortunate facial rearrangement after shooting himself in the face with a shotgun, was apparently ordered to stop bopping his bologna in front of his open windows and front door. This displeased Haskins, and he told authorities he thought the overseers of the Mar Plaza Apartments were unjust and he wanted to get back at ’em. Soooo, he set fire to their shit.

Police say the fire was pretty much contained to Haskins apartment, but 28 other units were evacuated as a precaution. Fortunately, Haskin’s temper tantrum didn’t harm anyone in the complex, which caters to low-income seniors and the disabled, but four families have been displaced due to fire and water damage.

Charged with arson, Haskins is being held without bail at the Orient Road Jail. Police say he has no prior convictions. So far, I haven’t had much luck finding any information on the whole shotgun blast to the face thing…

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