Etta Mae LopezSacramento, CA — A 31-year-old woman wants to quit smoking so badly, she allegedly bitch-slapped a Sacramento County sheriff’s deputy earlier this week so she could go to jail, where smoking isn’t allowed. Makes perfect fucking sense.

According to the deputy involved, Matt Campoy, he was just minding his own business when he exited the main entrance of the main jail at the end of his watch Tuesday. The area outside the jail is apparently populated with people waiting around to see jailbirds and inmates recently released from custody, so Campoy didn’t think much of it when a woman stepped into his path.

“I stepped the left, she stepped to my left,” said Campoy. “I stepped to the right, she stepped to my right. I stepped to the left again and she suddenly stepped into me and slapped my face.”

Stunned, Campoy grabbed the woman’s hands and put her into a control hold and led her into the jail lobby. When he released the hold and placed her on a bench, she slapped his arm, he said.

The woman in question, Etta Lopez, reportedly told Campoy the slap was meant to get his attention and hopefully lead to smoke-free incarceration.

“She knew that the only way to quit smoking was to go to jail because they don’t allow tobacco in the jail,” said Campoy. “She waited all day for a deputy to come out because she knew if she assaulted a deputy she would go to jail and be inside long enough to quit her smoking habit.”

Lopez claims she sat in front of the county jail for hours, intent on assaulting a uniformed officer. She even left for a bit to grab a bite to eat, but quickly returned to her post.

She’s been booked on suspicion of battery on a peace officer.

Really, really wanna quit? For good, even? Kick the judge, Etta.

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