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Ronald HowardManatee County, FL — Don’t really even know where to begin with this one…..

Ronald Howard, 30, was booked on battery charges earlier this week after arguing with his live-in girlfriend about his alleged ball scratching.

Howard was apparently just hanging out on the couch, scratching his nuts, when his girlfriend, 25-year-old Shalamar “Wow! Would you look at those eyebrows!” Petrarca, told him to knock it the fuck off. She was disgusted, you see, because she was apparently getting ready to shove food in her pie-hole or something.

According to the arrest report, this displeased Howard. He rose from the couch, police say, and confronted the woman, face to face, and demanded that she “stop judging him!”

Petrarca told police Howard then shoved her to the ground, threw her outside and told her to “get the hell out.” Police observed a scratch on the woman’s leg that seemed to back up her side of the story.

When questioned, Howard told police Petrarca punched him in the eye for scratching his balls. He pushed her out of the home, he said, in self-defense. Unfortunately for Howard, police didn’t find any bruising or other signs of abuse to back up his side of the story…. so it was off to the pokey.

He’s been caged on a charge of misdemeanor battery. A bond/bail amount has not yet been made available.

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