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Andrew MendozaWharton County, TX — I’m a little late on this one, as usual, and I’m not exactly sure when the accused was actually accused of buggering a horse. Whatever… I like the police report.

The Smoking Gun recently released an undated statement drafted for the Wharton County Sheriff’s Department by 29-year-old Andrew Mendoza.

Mendoza had apparently been accused of screwing a neighbor’s horse, and after waiving his rights, laid it all out for police. And, apparently, the internet.

In his statement, Mendoza claims he had been waiting on a phone call from his girlfriend. He told himself that if she didn’t call at a particular time, he was just gonna go ahead and mosey on over to the neighbor’s house and “mess” with their horse.

The girlfriend apparently neglected to call within the allotted time frame, and Mendoza, obviously a man of his word, headed to the neighbor’s place.

He then proceeded to fuck their horse for about 5 or 10 minutes.

Mendoza wrote in the statement that he believed the horse liked it because it didn’t move or nothing, just stood there. A sure sign…

And now, my favorite part of the statement. Verbatim.

I was trying to make the horse have a baby. I was thinking it would have a horseman baby. I ain’t going to lie, I blew a nut in the horse. I then got off the bucket and put my clothes back on and left. I promise that I have not been back over to the horse since that time.

Horseman baby. As if….

Mendoza, who apparently boasted a rather impressive rap sheet, was subsequently found guilty of public lewdness and criminal trespass and sentenced to four months in jail.

Fortunately, Mendoza later hanged himself in a county jail cell, where he was being held on indecency with a child and trespassing charges.

And for that, Mr. Mendoza, we thank you.

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