Spartanburg County, SC — Not much to this one – no one was shot, stabbed, eaten or even arrested – but because it involves flatulence, I had to get it posted. ‘Cause hey, I’m mature like that.

Police were called to the home of Shannon and Michael Manatis earlier this week after receiving a report of a domestic disturbance. Seems the Mr. let loose a butt burp that left the Mrs. gasping for air and fighting the urge to toss her cookies.

Shannon reportedly told the responding officer said air biscuit was “bad enough to cause her to almost puke.” So, in retaliation, she grabbed a can of vanilla scented Lysol (that exists?!?!) and sprayed it in the area her husband occupied.

She continued the story, claiming that as she turned to leave the residence, Michael started belly-aching about how she had sprayed him in the eye. She further claimed that Michael threw a glass of tea at the back of her head, and for that, she wanted to press charges.

Michael, of course, had a different story. He didn’t deny farting – he actually admitted to having a sour stomach – he denied Shannon’s claim of where the stream of Lysol was aimed. He said she sprayed it directly in his face. So, in retaliation, he splashed water on her and threw his water bottle, hitting her in the back.

The responding officer did note in his report that, “there was a clear liquid on the back door and floor. This was not consistent with tea but is believed to be water.”

Due to a lack of probable cause, no arrests were made. Case closed.

Have I ever mentioned how slow the news can be at the beginning of the week?

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