Man Arrested For Having Sex With A Couch

September 25, 2012 at 10:47 am by  

Waukesha , WI – Gerard P. Streator, 46, was arrested in the hotel at which he works on Thursday after being witnessed on the previous night having sex with a couch that had been left on the curb.  He has been charged with one count of lewd and lascivious behavior.

An off-duty police officer was going for a nighttime jog through a Pebble Valley neighborhood at 11:00 PM on September 3rd when he says he spotted Streator face-down on a sofa that had been left on the curb for disposal.  According to the report, he was thrusting his hips as if he were having sex with a person.

When the officer approached the couch and asked Streator what he was doing, the alleged sofa-stuffer abruptly stopped and ran off.  The cop surmised that Steator had been jamming his prick between the cushions, enjoying the heavenly friction one finds only in the age-worn folds of a geriatric piece of upholstered furniture.

One might be inclined to believe Streator was attempting to soothe the recently-abandoned couch. I am of the mind, however, that previous steamy man-on-couch exploits have left his own sofa crusty, abrasive, and frankly, a bad lay.  Then again, he might have merely been in need of “some strange.”

The officer followed and witnessed Streator enter an apartment complex, go into a locked lobby, and enter an apartment.  Streator’s name was obtained based upon the apartment into which he’d allegedly fled.

The next day, police went to the apartment and spoke to Streator’s wife, who told them that he had done nothing wrong.  The next stop for officers was Streator’s place of employment.  He claimed he had not been out on the previous night; that he’d been home with his wife and hit the hay at 10:30 PM.

Long-time Dreamin’ Demon readers may want to take a stroll down memory lane with this article, in which a man was arrested for sexing a patio table.

Streator’s initial appearance is scheduled for October 1st.  While you book your flights to attend that, I suggest you fully absorb the below clip from my very favorite show of all time, The Big Comfy Couch.  It doesn’t have much to do with this article, but it will fulfill your daily requirement of high art.

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