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Fairview Heights, IL – Three women have been charged with mob action and aggravated battery in a public place after allegedly attacking a Red Lobster waitress they accused of filling their water glasses too frequently.

Sharrell Evans, 21, Britley Green (pictured), 22, and 44-year-old Geneen Green (really?  Geneen Green?) were arrested Friday afternoon when one of them reportedly threw a glass of water at a waitress and the other two joined in, beating her with their fists and…wait for it…a dessert menu; all because she was being attentive, I guess.

Now, when my family and I want to go out for a classy meal, it’s usually a toss-up between Olive Garden and Red Lobster.  If we feel like being in the company of patrons so old they can’t fart without soiling themselves, or we simply would like to gorge ourselves on iceberg lettuce and oil-soaked breadsticks, “The Garden” (as we like to call it) is the hands-down winner.  However, we sometimes have a hankering for once-frozen patties of reconstituted lobsterish stuff that has been re-purposed as a petri dish, and I think you know where we go in that case.

And now, thanks to these three charmers, I may be able to add “live chick-fighting” to the long list of Red Lobster’s alluring qualities.

As a weapon, dessert menus probably aren’t the deadliest of the bunch, but you take what’s at hand, and I guess there wasn’t a candelabra nearby.  The waitress escaped the brutal attack with minor injuries and refused treatment by the EMS crew at the scene.

The three alleged perpetrators are being held at Fairview Heights Police Department until their arraignment.  Bail was set at $50,000 each.  I picked Britley Green for the featured pic on this article because she’s the prettiest of the three.

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