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Lewisville, TX – A 76-year-old man, Michael Stolz, has admitted to shooting and killing his wife, Bernice, 49, and their two dogs over an argument regarding floor-borne fecal matter.  And here’s the kicker:  it didn’t happen in Florida.

Mr. Stolz, who was reportedly scheduled for a mental evaluation already, claims he was frustrated with his dog’s habit of laying down deuces in the house.  Now, anyone with a brain knows that you’re not supposed to complain to a guy who has just come to realization that he’s got a carpet bomb to clean up, especially he’s been unhinging right in front of you for some time.  Bernice did it anyway, however.  I only wish I’d been there to counsel her.

Michael then allegedly did what any mentally unstable person with a loaded gun might do.  He went into the bedroom and got it.  He then proceeded to unload the gun through the barrel and into the offending dog’s skull, killing it.  Not satisfied, he fired at least a couple of bullets into the other, soon-to-be dead, dog.   That’s when Bernice apparently ran, screaming, into the kitchen.

Stolz then turned the gun on her, lethally shooting her in the abdomen.  He admitted to not planning the murders out very well because, if he had, he claims he would have left a bullet for himself.  I guess he just wasn’t thinking straight at the time.

This whole sordid story was revealed on March 27th when police performed a welfare check on Bernice after she hadn’t shown up for work in a few days and co-workers became concerned.  When officers arrived at the house and no one answered knocks on the doors or windows, they entered the house through a sliding back door and began announcing their presence.

They then discovered dead dog #1 and reportedly heard the only living Stolz in the house call out that he would be “out there” in a minute.  Police say he also urged them not to come back to where he was.  They obliged, perhaps because it was at that point that they began to detect the unmistakable odor of decomposing flesh.

When Stolz didn’t come out, the SWAT team was called in.  In the house, they reportedly found our man lying on the bedroom floor, two dead dogs, a deceased wife, and the gun that made it all possible.  Michael Stolz has been charged with murder and remains in the Denton County Jail on $250,000 bond.  There’s a mental evaluation in his immediate future.

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