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Hobe Sound, FL – Kevin Brann, 41, left quite an impression on a Florida deputy after being stopped following a rear-end collision with another vehicle. The collision reportedly occurred just before noon last Friday.

Brann – who the deputy observed as strongly smelling of alcohol, and having slurred speech and bloodshot eyes – initially denied that he had been drinking. According to the police affidavit, after failing a field sobriety test, Brann admitted to drinking and was arrested for drunk driving with property damage. He was then placed in the deputy’s patrol car.

In court documents, the deputy described the eventful trip to the Martin County Jail saying that Brann both urinated and defecated on himself while in the back of the vehicle. The deputy goes on to write, “The defendant had a sexual anus plug in his rectum, which he removed, or it fell out in the rear of my patrol car.”

Perhaps now is a bad time for me to propose “becoming a police officer” to all of you job seekers out there…

Blood analysis would subsequently show Brann testing with impressive blood-alcohol levels of .409 and .412, respectively.  Now, I’m neither an organic chemist nor a physiologist… It would seem, though, that if they made butt plugs with a wick, he could have burned some of that off.

For the forensically inclined, the individual pages of arrest report can be seen here. Bond for Brann was set at $750. According to the sheriff’s office, he is scheduled to appear in court on March 24.

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