Speedway, IN —  Authorities in Speedway received a call from a 24-year-old man (?) Thursday complaining he had been bitten by a kitty.

When police responded to the man’s desperate 911 call, the alleged attacker was still at the scene – tied to a tree.

The victim, identified as Craig Wyatt, told police he found the vicious little bastid hiding in a woodpile on his property. Wyatt said he grabbed hold of the kitten and, for whatever reason, tried to tie a string around it’s neck. The pussy, obviously one of those ‘no strings attached’ types, then allegedly lashed out, biting Wyatt on the thumb.

In his report, Officer Chris Helmer described the kitten as “very calm and nonaggressive unless it was provoked.” Furthermore, the kitten didn’t appear to be rabid, just unhappy at the prospect of being strangled.

One pussy was placed in a patrol car and removed from the scene, while the other was left with a puncture wound to the top and bottom of his wittle thumb.

At this point, it is unclear what charges, if any, the kitten will face. Also unclear at this point: the current status of Mr. Wyatt’s man card.

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