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Santa Ana, CA — Some of you may remember Michael Lallana, we featured him back in August after he was accused of ejaculating into a co-worker’s water bottle. There was no doubt of the man’s guilt, DNA tests confirmed the spunk belonged to him, but many of us were left asking, “Why?”

Well, Lallana’s case has finally made it to trial. Jurors yesterday heard Lallana’s taped confession, in which he explained why he felt compelled to pollute that poor woman’s water on two separate occasions.

In an interview with Orange Police Department detectives last year, Lallana admitted that he did it because the woman was attractive and because her lips had touched the bottle in question. “It was the closest I could ever get to someone as good looking as that without tampering with my marriage or hurting anyone,” he said. “I saw her water bottle and I did it. For me, it’s a release. I think about my wife.” Lucky lady, huh?

He told police he never thought she would actually drink it. “Can I honestly say I wanted her to drink it? No,” Lallana said in the taped interview. “Why I left it there, I don’t know.”

On the stand, the victim told jurors that the first time she consumed the polluted water, she had a hunch that the artificial flavoring was semen, but said she never would have dreamed that’s what it really was. After the second incident, she testified that she kept the tainted liquid and asked her fiancé put his own semen in a water bottle to see if that’s what she had tasted at work. “At the time, I had no idea how else to figure out what this was,” she said. And the taste-testing apparently paid off…

Michael Lallana, 32, has been charged with two misdemeanor counts each of battery and assault, with sentence-enhancing allegations of committing a crime for sexual gratification.

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