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Take That, Ya Damn Hippies!

August 3, 2010 at 5:49 am by  

Waterloo, IA – Anyone who knows me is aware of the fact that I absotively loathe my neighbors. They are drunk by noon and obnoxiously loud until midnight. The food they cook smells like butt and their children are the spawn of Satan himself. But the thing that bothers me the most about the whole damn bunch of drunken cretins is their taste in music. Miley Cyrus (yes, they are grown-ass adults) at 125dB is not only an assault to my eardrums, but to my psyche as well. Carl Herold knows my pain – his neighbors have been driving him batshit crazy with their “hippie tunes.” According to Herold, this has been going on for quite some time. He has called the police department numerous times to no avail. “I don’t have to sit in my house and hear his music,” he said. “We called a number of times, and nothing seems to be done.” Faced with shitty music, I usually turn to Slayer – Herold chose to go with an air horn taken from an old dump truck. He aimed the horn at his neighbor’s house and ran a hose to an air compressor to power the horn. Another line led to his living room where he could control the contraption from his couch. *swoons*

It didn’t take long to piss the neighbors off. Herold said the police got involved just minutes after the first toot. The responding officer reported he could hear the horn from five blocks away and it was going off every 5 to 10 seconds. “I asked him what was going on and the suspect told me he didn’t like the neighbor’s music across the street and so he was sounding the horn. He then sounded the horn,” Officer Stephen Crozier said. “I asked him why he didn’t call the police about his neighbor’s music and he said the police never do anything. He then sounded the horn again.” Herold, 62, was led away from the residence in handcuffs, charged with disorderly conduct. His air horn was taken away by the boys in blue. He claims he was arrested because he didn’t stop blowing the horn after the officer asked him to. “I just blasted the (bleep). I didn’t give a (bleeeep).” He also says he plans to fight the charge. Seriously, I adore this man…

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