Arlington, TN – Ya know, I was going to post a story about some chick who was found passed out in a puddle of her own vomit, empty Dust-off can in hand, but I figured you guys could care less about my holiday weekend. Soooo, I decided to go with Kelly Moss instead. Look at that mugshot, would ya? She just looks so damn happy!! Then again, vanilla extract will do that to ya. The little woman was reportedly found slumped over her steering wheel in the parking lot of Arlington Middle School last Thursday. When deputies made contact, she appeared to be quite fuggered up – her speech was slurred, her thoughts fragmented. She couldn’t stand or walk without assistance. On her breath, the scent of vanilla. According to the arrest report, officers found a half finished bottle of Diet Coke and partially empty bottles of vanilla extract. The bottles of vanilla extract were labeled as 35% alcohol by volume. I’ve been wasting that shit in my baked goods this whole time?!? A receipt found in the vehicle listed two 8oz. bottles of vanilla extract, purchased the day before. Moss, 48, was booked on charges of DUI and refusing to submit to a blood alcohol test. She’s being held on a $4,000 bond. Oh, and this is her third DUI. Be back later…I got some bakin’ to do.

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